Back2WhatUKnow Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 So I am a 28yo female and been dating a 34 yo male for about 3 months now. Seems like we clicked right away..emotionally, physically, and well sexually. He was straight to the point in the beginning that he is looking for a lifetime partner. Which I told him ultimately I want that too. Because I am one to admit I am the female with past commitment issues. So last week he asked me more of my past and I shared how I dated around with 3 guys at one time. Yet he's told me his past was a bit similar and he has the same commitment issues and finds very random picky like excuses to dump those girls in the past. He started joking that I was a player. When I said no..No one established a relationship and no sex involved it was just testing the waters those few years ago. Now I notice ever since I opened that door. He seems to joke or throw in my face that I can be a player. At times I will admit I think like a "Dude" he has told me this. I have grown to not chase, act crazy, and tend to be emotionally disconnected at times. However, I am a work in progress. We don't see each other as often due to work schedules but we talk everyday. However, the convo turns to my past. He also says he likes that this dating thing has turned to no pressure into "no labels". I get it but a part of me struggles with how am I suppose to transform this when the time comes. It has been a long time since I have just dated and taken my time before I up and leave or make it a FWB situation. I notice though he likes to play this come and go act at times. He either will say really sweet things and want to show me passion. Or completely distant and not show much..and yet switch it to me that I don't show much. Sometimes I do but when I get no response back. I will just back off. I guess my questions are...What do I do over him slamming me with my past? A part of me just wants to walk out if he keeps it up. I've played the games and honestly I am done and want to move on. However, What should I expect with someone after 3 months of dating? and for someone to not label it? I've warned him that it's fine we don't have to label anything but know that it is a free game here. He jokes about breaking up with me at times to get a reaction. I don't..I simply say okay well there is no label right so oh well. He seems surprised at my responses. Yet when I go out with my friends. He will question later..SO who was hitting on you..and who asked for your number...I just laugh.. I don't get this...
PegNosePete Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 What do I do over him slamming me with my past? "I'm getting a little tired of that same old joke. Can you drop it please?" What should I expect with someone after 3 months of dating? and for someone to not label it? What do you want? Do you want labels? Do you want him to be seeing other women, and do you want to see other guys? Answer these questions and you will know what you need to tell/ask him. At the moment you seem to be playing into his game and your own needs are not being met. 1
PogoStick Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Big red flags! Jokes are often half truths. Sounds like he has trouble committing with the previous multi dating, and now you guys are no labels. Feels like he is setting you up to be the same. If you're not his "girlfriend" then he doesn't have to commit, and possible date other women. I'd be very cautions! As to his teasing. You need to communicate very clearly about the things that bother you. You can't expect him to stop if you don't tell him it bothers you. That isn't fair. 1
evanescentworld Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 On the face of it, and taking things purely as i read them, he sounds a bit like a passive-aggressive controller.... He wants to make sure he always has something on you.... I think PNP's questions, above, are worth tackling - but yup, he seems to like yanking your chain and seeing the effect. I bet your reactions tell him when he's hit the mark.... And he seems to get a kick out of that....? I personally don't like being manipulated that way, myself. 1
Broom Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 He's projecting these "dude" thoughts and ideals on you to set you up and groom you for a non-strings FWB relationship. That's why he keeps bringing it up. It's totally un-clever manipulation. He's not really concerned about your past, but seeing if you'll cave (or how open you are) to letting him use you as a FWB. Be careful. He's playing a mind game and trying to run circles around you. 2
FitChick Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 He sounds insecure. Ask him why it bothers him so much. If he denies it, say, "Then why do you keep bringing it up? If it didn't bother you, you wouldn't mention it." I'd also ask him if he wants to be exclusive. This is why you should never talk about past sexual partners. Be vague if you must say something.
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