CalmandCarryOn Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Really confused over my crush's actions. Timeline: *Last October I asked her out to coffee.We had known each other through acquaintances and passing (we're college students) here and there, but this was the first time we sat down to actually talk. We ended up talking for almost 3 hours and the entire time was great and relaxful. *A week later (now November) I asked her out to dinner. She said yes (although her answer wasn't confident "Uhh..yeah. Sure.") and we decided a day for Sunday that coming weekend. I had a retreat I would be at all day Friday and Saturday. Friday morning she messaged me and said Sunday would be a bad day due to her homework. *A month later I asked her out again to dinner (this time it was the weekend before finals) and she thanked me for the invite and, but said she already had plans with friends a lot of studying. *Early Christmas Break I messaged her asking how she was doing. She seemed really excited and wasn't blunt in her responses.After sharing how and what she had been up to she asked how my break was and how one of my trips went. I shared and then the conversation eventually ended short with her wishing me a good rest of my Christmas break (caught me off guard since she seemed excited that I contacted her). *Wished her a Merry Christmas on X-Mas day. She said "Merry Christmas (my name)!!" Later that night I thanked her and told her I hoped she had a great time with her family and friends. No reply back. At this moment I gave up. *We returned back to school last week and I was working on my laptop in the student center and she passed me working at a table on her way back to her dorm. I didn't look up at her because I thought she didn't want anything to do with me - but to my shock she was looking at me and when I looked at her she stopped and walked over. She asked me how my new semester was and we had a good 10 min conversation about our schedules and what we were looking forward to. *Earlier today I had sent a ChainMail updating individuals on my campus about a non-profit I'm working on and ways they can help. She was in the list it was sent out to. Tonight I was working in our student center and she was walking down our mall-way towards her dorm and saw me and walked up to my table. She shared how she got my email and was excited about the project. We got into a discussion about it and she asked if she could sit down at my table. We talked some more and our conversation led to the discovery that she had never drank hot chocolate form our school's coffee shop. I encouraged her to get one, since I was getting one and she did. We ended up talking for about 1.5 hours until our student center closed. Later tonight when I got back to my dorm I texted her that it was good talking with her tonight and shared some thoughts I forgot to tell her about advice on how be a morning person and enjoy it (our conversation tonight got into our schedules and trying to wake up earlier this semester). She responded back thanking me and then added thoughts about the advice I shared. She ended the message saying: "I enjoyed talking to you tonight as well, and I hope that tomorrow is an incredible day for you (and hopefully won't seem as long/stressful as today)! What are your thoughts? So confused. Is she being friendly? She seem so disinterested and now twice has taken the time to walk up to me and ask how I'm doing, etc. Thoughts? *Additional* We just recently had a campus-wide dance this past weekend with a couple thousands students. I asked her if she attended and how it went for her and she shared that the dance had become more of an event now to have a date - and she went with her friends and had a great time where they danced at. I was a little confused by this - but got the impression she was saying she didn't want/was interested in dating.
doeblin Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 What you've left out of your timeline is that you have already made at least 2 threads about this girl and people gave you plenty of advice. This is what I've said: STOP worrying about the signs! Now my advice is, you can try again, but in the meantime talk to other girls. See who else is out there. I guess you're still in school, so don't worry about this, just go with the flow, get to know new people (girls) etc etc If you make yourself comfortable with the ladies, that will give you an advantage in your dating life later on. Be cool. You can ask her out for a date again, but meanwhile try to see other girls too. If this girl flakes, then move on already. It's entirely possible she's not interested in you romantically. Most other people on Loveshack said something similar. It's okay if you don't care about people's advice, but then why are you on an advice forum? What would you like to hear? 2
Assada Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 doeblin has got it absolutely 100% right. You just dont know that he's got it right OP I think that this girl likes you, but you are talking yourself out of her liking you, by putting needy pressure on her. - When you back off and act normal, then she says to herself "this guy is actually cool"
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 doeblin has got it absolutely 100% right. You just dont know that he's got it right OP I think that this girl likes you, but you are talking yourself out of her liking you, by putting needy pressure on her. - When you back off and act normal, then she says to herself "this guy is actually cool" Yeah I guess that makes sense.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 What you've left out of your timeline is that you have already made at least 2 threads about this girl and people gave you plenty of advice. This is what I've said: You can ask her out for a date again, but meanwhile try to see other girls too. If this girl flakes, then move on already. It's entirely possible she's not interested in you romantically. Most other people on Loveshack said something similar. It's okay if you don't care about people's advice, but then why are you on an advice forum? What would you like to hear? Yeah man, I reached out to her the Friday letting her know that I would love to get to know her more and she replied She replied: "I have really enjoyed our conversation and really admire you as well with everything you are doing with your projects. I would definitely like to keep in touch with you this semester and hear how everything is going, but just as friends. Sorry I had to say this to you over a text. I hope you have a great weekend." I didn't respond. Then tonight I was in our student coffee shop and she walked by and came up to me asking a (legitimate question). I answered and then she asked how my weekend was going, and if I got her message? I told her I did and she replied she was sorry again that she had to tell me in a text, but that she would love to still talk this semester and hear updates on my work (- I'm working on a non-profit fighting human trafficking). WHAT GIVES??? Why not just leave me alone and not talk to me again, instead of acting like things are cool, you know?
toscaroscura Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Yeah man, I reached out to her the Friday letting her know that I would love to get to know her more and she replied She replied: "I have really enjoyed our conversation and really admire you as well with everything you are doing with your projects. I would definitely like to keep in touch with you this semester and hear how everything is going, but just as friends. Sorry I had to say this to you over a text. I hope you have a great weekend." I didn't respond. Then tonight I was in our student coffee shop and she walked by and came up to me asking a (legitimate question). I answered and then she asked how my weekend was going, and if I got her message? I told her I did and she replied she was sorry again that she had to tell me in a text, but that she would love to still talk this semester and hear updates on my work (- I'm working on a non-profit fighting human trafficking). WHAT GIVES??? Why not just leave me alone and not talk to me again, instead of acting like things are cool, you know? Because she wants to be friends? It's really not that puzzling.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Because she wants to be friends? It's really not that puzzling. So someone's attracted to you and they make a move - you're not into them. You push them away and then still try to talk to them? Doesn't make sense...
doeblin Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Doesn't make sense Of course it does. There are friendships, and then there are romantic relationships. The first is about similar interests, the second is about attraction. You are in the friendzone and you are not getting out of there. Move on.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Of course it does. There are friendships, and then there are romantic relationships. The first is about similar interests, the second is about attraction. You are in the friendzone and you are not getting out of there. Move on. Trying man. I was working in my student center today and she passed me with one of her friends. I was busy in my work and then looked up after she had passed my table and she was slowing down looking back and waving hi. What.the.heck. Am I being trolled?
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