For the first time I realize I played a huge part in the breakup

January 14, 2015

Lost the love of my life. 3 years together. The great honeymoon phase ended and I got comfortable. I wanted her to fit into my life and my introverted ways, and I didn't put her needs first. Sure, I was there for her emotionally, never cheated, talked with her a lot, etc. But I should have listened when she told me she was bored. All she wanted was someone to take her out a bit, travel, exercise, be more positive, etc. Be an active partner in her life and not just a homebody. I was wrapped up in my own head, my anxieties, my needs. I felt like she would never leave, and I took her for granted.

I am baffled why during the relationship I didn't get why she began detaching from me. I didn't see it at the time. I was blind. I complained about a lack of sex without understanding what I did to become unattractive. She set up an exit strategy about 6 months prior to the breakup. Now she has walked away. She took action, and now I finally GET IT. Us men sometimes need a swift kick in the butt to understand perhaps. I'm now ready to be the man she needs me to be. I'll fly to the moon and back for her. I MEAN it this time, I do. But she says she needs time and space and doesn't know what she wants. She is scared of it going back to the way it was. She's living alone now and is enjoying her independence and being single. She says that she's not ready to be in any relationship and she has never lived alone and had time to be young and single. She needs to find herself.

I feel like I let the one true love in my life slip away through my fingers. When we were breaking up all I did was complain about her to others, blaming her, and never once looked at WHAT I DID to cause the downfall of our relationship. Although her and I both did some things that weren't good for us... I finally understand I played a large role, and now she's not giving me a second chance. Too little too late. She may come back, she may not. She just doesn't know right now. She's done with relationships for the time being, and needs to be alone while she figures out what she wants and who she is. She also wants no contact.

I am older and ready to settle down, and she wants to explore now. I am not entirely sure if this whole breakup may have happened either way no matter what I did….because she has never had that "Growing up" in their early twenties period like a lot of other people do. She went right from her parents house to mine and probably get scared of settling so young. Plus she was bored with the fact that i'm more of an introvert. The point is, I didn't try hard enough and i'll never know.

How on earth can I cope with this? I would do anything for a second chance. She was so special. A soul mate. I never imagined being without her. I am extremely depressed. I need to move on but I feel SO GUILTY and ashamed that I got comfortable like that. When I first got with her I did everything I could to make her happy, which is why she fell for me. Duh!

I feel like I dropped the ball big time, and I can't deal with it. Have any of you come to a similar realization? That YOU played a big part in the breakup but didn't see it until they were gone? Do many women ever give men a second chance when they finally come around like this?

Edited January 14, 2015 by Cedar27

January 14, 2015

Yeah I'm on the same boat, difference is she was snatched by somebody else, when I was not looking.

Don't beat on yourself, don't put all the blame on you, you already have enough she's prolly blaming you.

Relationship takes 2 to make it work, well you weren't there for her needs, all the attention and care, sweet little nothings, its a big deal for girls/women, but let me ask you, when was the last time she was there for you?

Surely you have boredom anxiety and stuff like that too. Was she able to fill in your emotional needs?

This is exactly what happened to me and I will never understand women for the rest of my life.

She got problems I would listen and work it for her encourage her, I have problems she won't listen no offer any comforting words, all she cares about are those little things that make her feel like a little princess.

Its not entirely your fault, it takes two to tango, but I bet she gave it all and stuck with you till she can no longer take it, and just walked away.

Feeling a sigh of relief to get away from it all. Just better yourself and don't take all the blame.

Edited January 14, 2015 by bigtrouble

January 14, 2015

Lost the love of my life. 3 years together. The great honeymoon phase ended and I got comfortable. I wanted her to fit into my life and my introverted ways, and I didn't put her needs first. Sure, I was there for her emotionally, never cheated, talked with her a lot, etc. But I should have listened when she told me she was bored. All she wanted was someone to take her out a bit, travel, exercise, be more positive, etc. Be an active partner in her life and not just a homebody. I was wrapped up in my own head, my anxieties, my needs. I felt like she would never leave, and I took her for granted.

I am baffled why during the relationship I didn't get why she began detaching from me. I didn't see it at the time. I was blind. I complained about a lack of sex without understanding what I did to become unattractive. She set up an exit strategy about 6 months prior to the breakup. Now she has walked away. She took action, and now I finally GET IT. Us men sometimes need a swift kick in the butt to understand perhaps. I'm now ready to be the man she needs me to be. I'll fly to the moon and back for her. I MEAN it this time, I do. But she says she needs time and space and doesn't know what she wants. She is scared of it going back to the way it was. She's living alone now and is enjoying her independence and being single. She says that she's not ready to be in any relationship and she has never lived alone and had time to be young and single. She needs to find herself.

I feel like I let the one true love in my life slip away through my fingers. When we were breaking up all I did was complain about her to others, blaming her, and never once looked at WHAT I DID to cause the downfall of our relationship. Although her and I both did some things that weren't good for us... I finally understand I played a large role, and now she's not giving me a second chance. Too little too late. She may come back, she may not. She just doesn't know right now. She's done with relationships for the time being, and needs to be alone while she figures out what she wants and who she is. She also wants no contact.

I am older and ready to settle down, and she wants to explore now. I am not entirely sure if this whole breakup may have happened either way no matter what I did….because she has never had that "Growing up" in their early twenties period like a lot of other people do. She went right from her parents house to mine and probably get scared of settling so young. Plus she was bored with the fact that i'm more of an introvert. The point is, I didn't try hard enough and i'll never know.

How on earth can I cope with this? I would do anything for a second chance. She was so special. A soul mate. I never imagined being without her. I am extremely depressed. I need to move on but I feel SO GUILTY and ashamed that I got comfortable like that. When I first got with her I did everything I could to make her happy, which is why she fell for me. Duh!

I feel like I dropped the ball big time, and I can't deal with it. Have any of you come to a similar realization? That YOU played a big part in the breakup but didn't see it until they were gone? Do many women ever give men a second chance when they finally come around like this?

Women often give plenty of signs/signals/vocalization before they leave a relationship. This "out of the blue" thing is rarely that, it is a slow build up of not getting needs met until finally they have had enough realizing nothing will change.

I do not know if she will come back. I was in a similar situation and did not. The way I saw it, I gave him many chances and he blew them. That old saying of doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result comes to mind. I also felt like if he was willing to change after the end of the relationship, why was I not important enough to make the effort while we were in the relationship. Both of us hurt but the relationship ending was for the best.

I do think you have tremendous maturity for admitting your behavior in this relationship and looking within. You seem to have a good grasp of things and no doubt will not repeat this in future relationships, whether that is with her or somebody else.

January 14, 2015

in the same boat and its so sad.....and let me tell you something..... don't get so hard on yourself..... and DO NOT be so sure of your analysis....you never will know the real reason....BUT the good thing u addressed some points you need to work on for your sake. I am in the exact same boat and I have listened to all the advices out there ....and am keeping NC since 2 weeks and let me tell you that everyday I see things clearer..... for now am intending to send her a letter that will let her understand that I know exactly where was the problem...and that I will be happy if we got back and started from zero and also happy if she already could give up and am in a state of mind of accepting "letting go". but still thinking about it ....I may not send anything ....but what I believe is helpful now is NC .... looking back to ur pics...her profile...trying to listen to her voice...all that just breaks your heart into smaller pieces and the ability to recollect this pieces will lessen...my advice :NC then give another try when you feel you are ready to let go....and you will be happy with any response from her

January 14, 2015

Women often give plenty of signs/signals/vocalization before they leave a relationship. This "out of the blue" thing is rarely that, it is a slow build up of not getting needs met until finally they have had enough realizing nothing will change.

I do not know if she will come back. I was in a similar situation and did not. The way I saw it, I gave him many chances and he blew them. That old saying of doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result comes to mind. I also felt like if he was willing to change after the end of the relationship, why was I not important enough to make the effort while we were in the relationship. Both of us hurt but the relationship ending was for the best.

I do think you have tremendous maturity for admitting your behavior in this relationship and looking within. You seem to have a good grasp of things and no doubt will not repeat this in future relationships, whether that is with her or somebody else.

Thanks for sharing. I know you are a woman, but hopefully you'll believe me. I'm telling you for whatever reason I DID NOT see the signs during the relationship. Men have this issue for whatever reason they really do not get something is a problem, until an ACTION is taken. Once the action is taken they really do get it, and will make sure they do everything possible to fix the problem and not become complacent again.

I now also understand that during our relationship I had an anxiety problem that I did not seek help with. Part of the reason I had low motivation to go out "into the world" has to do with an anxiety problem. When I was younger I was agoraphobic due to panic attacks, and once spent a year housebound completely. I got to a place where I could go out and meet people, but I never continually worked on it. I also downplayed this to her, instead saying things like "I don't feel like going for a walk there", "I really don't care for the movies" "I'm not feeling well" because I didn't want her to think I was afraid of doing certain things because of my anxiety. Bad choice, I know.

So I feel i'm at fault for not getting my anxiety problem under control. Couple that with the fact i'm naturally introverted and I don't mind not going out much to begin with, it's no wonder I didn't do enough for her.

Edited January 14, 2015 by Cedar27

January 14, 2015

I also felt like if he was willing to change after the end of the relationship, why was I not important enough to make the effort while we were in the relationship. Both of us hurt but the relationship ending was for the best.

Would it have made a difference if he told you he was sorry and he didn't understand your signals, but now that he understands them he's changing?

January 14, 2015

Cedar, you are light years ahead of many people on earth. Your ability to take responsibility for a situation is incredible. I respect you so much for what you've written...it's actually brought tears to my eyes. I've read a lot of posts on LS, and it's not that common for people to admit fault and not play the victim.

So, whether or not there's a future with your ex, I don't know. But wherever life takes you, I think you have the right attitude (now ) to create a strong relationship with the right woman. If it's meant to be, there is a possibility that your ex can commit to you again. But if not, I think you will one day be able to meet the right person and have a happy relationship.

Best of luck in your journey.

January 14, 2015

Thank you so much for your support. I'm telling you for whatever reason I DID NOT see the signs during the relationship. I think a lot of men have this issue for whatever reason they really do not get something is a problem, until an ACTION is taken. Once the action is taken they really do get it, and will make sure they do everything possible to fix the problem.

I now also understand that during our relationship I had an anxiety problem that I did not seek help with. Part of the reason I had low motivation to go out "into the world" has to do with an anxiety problem. When I was younger I was agoraphobic due to panic attacks, and once spent a year housebound completely. I got to a place where I could go out and meet people, but I never continually worked on it. I also downplayed this to her, instead saying things like "I don't feel like going for a walk there", "I really don't care for the movies" "I'm not feeling well" because I didn't want her to think I was afraid of doing certain things because of my anxiety. Bad choice, I know.

So I feel i'm at fault for not getting my anxiety problem under control. Couple that with the fact i'm naturally introverted and I don't mind not going out much to begin with, it's no wonder I didn't do enough for her.

I will say this gently but there are many men who do not see something as a problem until it is a problem for them. The issues are set on the back burner in the meantime, leaving the woman feeling marginalized and unimportant. I think you see that now though.

Anxiety issues are difficult. I have a family member who suffers from exactly what you did, agoraphobia, and it would be impossible for her to have a relationship with an extrovert who valued travel and other outdoor activities.

I do think you are in a better place in that you realize this about yourself. A better match would be an introvert who prefers more indoor time rather than outdoor. It is terribly unfair to both of you to try and make something work that puts the other so outside their comfort zone. There is nothing wrong with trying new things and such but if she wants to travel the world and you spent a year in your home due to anxiety, that relationship will not work. Eventually one or both of you will resent the other for changing your personality so drastically. I think you need to chalk this up to a learning experience and go find a lady whose personality more closely aligns with yours. There are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to enjoy a more home centric life. I wish you well.

January 14, 2015

Would it have made a difference if he told you he was sorry and he didn't understand your signals, but now that he understands them he's changing?

No. At that point and like OP's girlfriend, I had mentally moved on. My signals were not so much "signals" as me telling him what I needed and those wishes ignored. I reached my limit and that was it. It was only then that he vowed to make my wishes a priority but it was really too late for me. I do think it was unfair for OP's girlfriend to continue in the relationship for six more months though. When I made up my mind, that was it and I ended it that day. It was really the best thing I could have done as I lost myself in that relationship.

January 14, 2015

I will say this gently but there are many men who do not see something as a problem until it is a problem for them. The issues are set on the back burner in the meantime, leaving the woman feeling marginalized and unimportant. I think you see that now though.

I should say one thing, if she told me "If we don't get out more I will leave you". I would have gotten it then, FOR SURE. If she would have said "This is really important to me, I need this or else I think this relationship will go downhill, I would have gotten it.

Maybe I should have mentioned this, but her and I are very different communicatively. I always told her clearly what I was feeling, and I'd ask her to share but she stonewalled me. She did NOT like talking about her feelings, what bugged her, etc. Whereas I actually am so communicative it probably drove her crazy.

Although she mentioned she was bored before, wanting to do more, it never came off as a deal breaker. She also only mentioned towards the end of the relationship AFTER she checked out. I didn't realize how unhappy she was until it seemed like it was too late. Perhaps you gave your ex a clearer message. The point is, I should have known this all along from the get go and not have to wait around for her to tell me she's going to leave. I still think I am getting a raw deal here.

You see…when we first had our first major fight about it towards the end of the relationship (she finally made it clear then), I took her to a fancy dinner the following week in the city and put her front and center of my life. I began taking her to the park and walking too. But her thousand yard stare was indicative that she had already checked out. She showed absolutely no physical attraction for me at that point, so I told her i'd like to go to therapy. She wouldn't go so I told her it probably wouldn't work out, and then she said it was over. I often wonder if I would have been active for a few months without any expectation of her changing her attitude toward me right away, it would have made a difference. I wish I took that chance and was more patient.

So it seems like your situation and mine just might be a bit different. In a way I regret NOT doing enough in the relationship and being too comfortable, and i'm also angry that we didn't communicate well enough to really understand what was going on at the time….and when I did finally get it, she wanted to just leave.

She even told me upon our break up she needs to work on talking to me, because for too long she just passively aggressively distanced herself without explaining to me why she was mad. It's not like this woman went around the house telling me over and over again she was bored.

I'm not a member of the psychic friends network, so during the time of her checking out I didn't know exactly what was going on…although I should have looked at my own actions. The point is I should have been on my game from day one with her, and been consistent throughout. But I still feel like I am getting a raw deal. I played a huge part in the break up, but the communication breakdown did as well. The problem is I never owned up to this until now, and now i'm owning it 100%

Edited January 14, 2015 by Cedar27

January 14, 2015

I think MOST people don't see a problem until it's a problem for them. That's part of human nature. People learn the hard way like I did, because it began to effect their lives. We don't know how important a problem is until there is an action or some sort of bold statement. Seems like a harsh punishment for being completely normal.

I will add one thing, if she told me "If we don't get out more I will leave you". I would have gotten it then, FOR SURE.

Maybe I should have mentioned this, but her and I are very different communicatively. I always told her clearly what I was feeling, and I'd ask her to share but she stonewalled me. She did NOT like talking about her feelings, what bugger her, etc.

Although she mentioned she was bored before a number of times, wanting to do more, it never came off as a deal breaker. When we first had our first major fight about it towards the end of the relationship (she finally made it clear then), I took her to a fancy dinner the following week in the city and put her front and center of my life. But her thousand yard stare was indicative that she had already checked out. I often wonder if I would have kept doing the things she needed for so long without any expectation of her changing right away would have made a difference. I wish I did.

So it seems like your situation and mine just might be a bit different. In a way I regret NOT doing enough in the relationship and being too comfortable, and i'm also angry that we didn't communicate well enough to really understand what was going on.

She even told me upon our break up she needs to work on talking to me, because for too long she just passively aggressively distanced herself without explaining to me why she was mad. It's not like this woman went around the house telling me over and over again she was bored. By the time she told me, she had already checked out. I'm not a member of the psychic friends network, so during the time of her checking out I didn't know exactly what was going on…although I never thought I had a lot to do with it. I should have been on my game from day one with her, and been consistent throughout, but hindsight is 2020.

The bolded part was her communicating that she needed more out of the relationship. You took it to mean it was not a deal breaker and because she did not repeatedly mention it that all was well. Yes, in my situation I did repeatedly mention my displeasure and he chose not to act.Both situations are similar though in that both of us did speak up as to our wishes and wants, albeit I was more vocal.

That said, it is unfair to put this all on you. She could at any point have brought up her wishes again and talked with you about them. I do think you would have taken notice. Her lack of communicating was a problem. Sometimes things need to be said many times before it sticks and she failed at that. I certainly did not mean to suggest this was all your fault and lack of being clairvoyant.

January 14, 2015

The bolded part was her communicating that she needed more out of the relationship. You took it to mean it was not a deal breaker and because she did not repeatedly mention it that all was well. Yes, in my situation I did repeatedly mention my displeasure and he chose to ignore it. Both situations are similar though in that both of us did speak up as to our wishes and wants, albeit I was more vocal.

That said, it is unfair to put this all on you. She could at any point have brought up her wishes again and talked with you about them. Her lack of communicating was also a problem. Sometimes things need to be said many times before it sticks and she failed at that. I certainly did not mean to suggest this was all your fault and lack of being clairvoyant.

Right, I needed her to not only be more vocal but clear. I mean, I told her I wanted more sex a number of times early in the relationship when things were great, but if I eventually left her over it she'd be pretty surprised. How was she supposed to know it was a deal breaker? The problem is we tell our partners all the time things we don't like, but unless you can communicate correctly, who's to know if it's me not finishing the dishes that is going to be her ultimate breaking point?

That being said, I still feel like I need to take responsibility and own up to this stuff. Which I didn't do before. I should have been aware all along that she just needs more. Just because she couldn't specifically communicate it the way I would have liked doesn't mean I don't see it now.

Ugh…I guess these things are tricky but I will say this:

I am responsible for the breakup, she is responsible for the breakup. I wasn't on my game like I should have been, she wasn't as communicative. She and I both now know what we have to do…and during one of our last conversations both expressed it clearly.

It seems like a shame that she now likes being independent, single, living on her own, and not having to answer to anyone. That was another layer on top of this breakup that was probably out of my control (I can't control someones early twenties crisis or GIGS).

Edited January 14, 2015 by Cedar27

January 14, 2015

OP, I think it's great that you've come to see the part that you played in your last failed R. I do hope you are given a second chance, but even if you are not, the lessons you have learnt will certainly stand you in good stead in the future. Don't beat yourself up too much. We all make mistakes, the important thing is that we can learn from them instead of repeating them over and over.

January 14, 2015

Right, I needed her to not only be more vocal but clear. I mean, I told her I wanted more sex a number of times early in the relationship when things were great, but if I eventually left her over it she'd be pretty surprised. How was she supposed to know it was a deal breaker? The problem is we tell our partners all the time things we don't like, but unless you can communicate correctly, who's to know if it's me not finishing the dishes that is going to be her ultimate breaking point?

That being said, I still feel like I need to take responsibility and own up to this stuff. Which I didn't do before. I should have been aware all along that she just needs more. Just because she couldn't specifically communicate it the way I would have liked doesn't mean I don't see it now.

Ugh…I guess these things are tricky but I will say this:

I am responsible for the breakup, she is responsible for the breakup. I wasn't on my game like I should have been, she wasn't as communicative. She and I both now know what we have to do…and during one of our last conversations both expressed it clearly.

It seems like a shame that she now likes being independent, single, living on her own, and not having to answer to anyone. That was another layer on top of this breakup that was probably out of my control (I can't control someones early twenties crisis or GIGS).

Does this mean you two are thinking about resuming the relationship?

January 14, 2015

Also, to answer your question about whether women come back: I'm sure some do, but in my case the answer was no. I had an ex whom I eventually dumped after attempting to communicate numerous times that he wasn't putting in effort. When I dumped him, he apparently realized everything he had done wrong and wanted to change. But I had prepared for my exit for a long time (perhaps too long) and all my feelings for him were gone. It was too late for any salvage. However we have both moved on and I think the lessons we both learnt from it have been helpful in our future relationships. We both have long-term SOs now, and he has 2 kids with his.

So, onwards!

January 14, 2015

You will come out a better person after this, Mine was like the exact reverse, I put all the blame on myself after BU, 100% owned it, I was a total wreck.

I apologized for my mistakes on text and FB, after she cheated on me, I even tried to ease her guilt if she had any. I was pathetic.

But I had to survive only way to do it was spread the blame, change my mindset, and realize its two way street, I had my faults so did she.

If I bore all those blame, I would be still a mess, not able to eat, and sleep much, constantly fighting my urge to text her and apologize, I wanted her to forgive me, and she ignores me.

I wasn't trying to win her back, I just wanted her to forgive me.

Just don't beat yourself too hard.

Edited January 14, 2015 by bigtrouble

January 14, 2015

Does this mean you two are thinking about resuming the relationship?

Well, to be honest she doesn't want to right now and She doesn't know what the future holds. The last time we spoke was a "closure" conversation. I expressed to her all the things I didn't do right, how sorry I was, how much I wanted to work on things. She cried, told me she had feelings for me still, but she doesn't know where she is at. The breakup was so messy, she has already grieved whereas I am just starting it seems like, etc. She's scared of giving me another chance because she feels like it will go back to the same thing.

She is also out there single and independent for the first time in her adult life, and she likes it. She also is done with the whole relationship thing right now. In fact, mid relationship she made a unilateral decision to to celibate until she is married (this bothered me but I accepted it). I think sex was a lot of pressure on her. She doesn't know if she's ready to settle down. She told me if she ever changes her mind she would call me, but she doesn't think its a good idea for us to talk and doesn't want to stay in contact. She will call me if her mind changes. She says she needs time to think about questions she has and she can't do that if I keep calling her. She said it's in gods hands now and if it's meant to be it's meant to be and we will be together in the end.

I took that really, really hard.…and over the last days I have really gotten to a dark place.

So I did break no contact a few times and really poured my heart out apologizing the last few days. I am embarrassed because both times were really late and I sent her a lot of texts.

She is ignoring me and not responding to any of them. I need to respect her space. Its just a shame because when we were happy, it was a magical relationship destined for a lifetime of greatness.

Edited January 14, 2015 by Cedar27

January 14, 2015

Well, to be honest she doesn't want to right now. The last time we spoke was a "closure" conversation. I expressed to her all the things I didn't do right, how sorry I was, how much I wanted to work on things. She cried, told me she had feelings for me still, but she doesn't know where she is at. The breakup was so messy, she has already grieved whereas I am just starting it seems like, etc. She's scared of giving me another chance because she feels like it will go back to the same thing.

She is also out there single and independent for the first time in her adult life, and she likes it. She doesn't know if she's ready to settle down. She told me if she ever changes her mind she would call me, but she doesn't think its a good idea for us to talk and doesn't want to contact me. She says she needs time to think about questions she has and she can't do that if I keep calling her. She said it's in gods hands now and if it's meant to be it's meant to be and we will be together in the end.

I took that really, really hard.…and over the last days I have really gotten to a dark place.

So I did break no contact a few times and really poured my heart out apologizing the last few days. I am embarrassed because both times were really late and I sent her a lot of texts.

She isn't responding to me. I need to respect her space. Its just a shame because when we were happy, it was a magical relationship destined for a lifetime of greatness.

I am very sorry you are hurting and should have said that earlier. It is difficult to look back at the good times and not feel sadness, this I know. For your own sake though, you need to also look forward. I can promise you it will get better and your heart will heal. I think it is remarkable that you are willing to look within. That shows a depth of maturity and introspection that most post break up do not have. Stay away from the dark places and look towards a brighter future. Boy do I sound lame but it is my round about way of saying you are doing better than you realize.

January 14, 2015

Also, to answer your question about whether women come back: I'm sure some do, but in my case the answer was no. I had an ex whom I eventually dumped after attempting to communicate numerous times that he wasn't putting in effort. When I dumped him, he apparently realized everything he had done wrong and wanted to change. But I had prepared for my exit for a long time (perhaps too long) and all my feelings for him were gone. It was too late for any salvage. However we have both moved on and I think the lessons we both learnt from it have been helpful in our future relationships. We both have long-term SOs now, and he has 2 kids with his.

So, onwards!

Did he just want to change or did he change?

My situation is much like the OP's or like you described about your ex's. I truly, truly, truly loved my girlfriend and if I understood her communication I would have changed for her. And now that I've had the wakeup call I've done everything in my power to become a better man. She asked for space and I'm giving her space -- don't know what else I can do. But I know if she would just come back just one time she would immediately see changes. She had the similar thing -- she had an exit plan, and she exited. We were together for 8 years and we were each other's first LTR.

I would do anything to get her back.

January 14, 2015

Cedar, you are light years ahead of many people on earth. Your ability to take responsibility for a situation is incredible. I respect you so much for what you've written...it's actually brought tears to my eyes. I've read a lot of posts on LS, and it's not that common for people to admit fault and not play the victim.

So, whether or not there's a future with your ex, I don't know. But wherever life takes you, I think you have the right attitude (now ) to create a strong relationship with the right woman. If it's meant to be, there is a possibility that your ex can commit to you again. But if not, I think you will one day be able to meet the right person and have a happy relationship.

Best of luck in your journey.

Thank you so much. I just wish my ex understood how deeply I feel about this. These aren't just words or a ploy to get her back, this is a new me….a new man. All of the things I needed to do during the relationship just came to me in a wave of enlightenment, once I actually was without her. All the arguing, pain, and blaming during our relationship clouded both of our judgements in many ways. I only wish I had the clarity I do now months ago, because I would have completely turned my relationship around or at least said I did my best.

It's the most helpless feeling knowing that you are now ready to be the man they always wanted, and for them to ignore you because they just need to be alone. The break up was so messy. There are so many things I wish I could take back. I know that she is a lot younger than I am in terms of life experience and she said she just never had a place of her own, a life of her own, etc. This could be a combination of the grass is greener syndrome, poor communication, as well as a lack of responsibility I didn't take. Or it could be any one of the above.

She does need her space, I get that. She was pretty much dependent on me in a lot of ways, living with me, financially dependent, not having anywhere to go if we had a fight, etc. She was just crying out for independence, she didn't want to depend on someone else to live. I just think she threw the baby out with the bathwater by going totally single. We could have very well just lived apart and stayed in the relationship. Now she needs the time apart without me. Our relationship the last 6 months was heavy, lots of arguing, sadness, negativity, etc. She likes to like a peaceful happy life with little confrontation. I was highly intense when I spoke, not in a mean or abusive way….but in an eager "let's fix these problems and talk it out" kind of way…spilling my emotions and feelings in hour long speeches. She is probably embracing this new found sense of peace. What she doesn't understand is that if we get back together and start fresh, the negativity will leave like a cloud of smoke. I am willing to forgive everything she has done and she will be willing to forgive me, we will wipe the slate clean and drive off into the sunset like old times.

I wish I could just talk to her one more time. I wish she understood how sorry I truly am. In my heart i'm a really good person. I overcame a lot in my life. What I like in spontaneity I make up for with a lot of personality, honesty, loyalty, and character.

I used to be heavily addicted to alcohol and drugs, now i'm 6 years clean and have my own house, investment properties, and a business. The life I live is introverted because to be honest I was almost dead by 22. I can't even go into the stories about my previous life, it was a nightmare. So now and days, I like to keep things simple and peaceful. She may be at a point where she wants to have a bit of fun, and i'm just the old man talking about past stories and am find living a life of an average 50 year old.

That being said, I could use a bit of spark in my life. Going on a trip, hitting up a restaurant or two per week in the city with her, meeting other couples and double dating, these are all things I am ready to do. I'm like the runner on the line before a race waiting for the gun to go off. But i'm stuck in position now because she isn't sure how fast i'll go, or if i'll even run at all. Meanwhile my legs are itching to sprint to the end, to show her i'm number 1 again. I am going to be doing a lot of praying tonight. I can't see going the rest of my life without this woman.

She made me so happy it puts me in tears.

Edited January 14, 2015 by Cedar27

January 14, 2015

You got a good thing going she may just need space and time to think... Give it a little time...Things will workout...

Best of luck... Believe in yourself and your will to change...

January 14, 2015

You got a good thing going she may just need space and time to think... Give it a little time...Things will workout...

Best of luck... Believe in yourself and your will to change...

I hope and pray to god that this is just a phase. The last time we spoke I cried out to her telling her how badly I wanted to make things work, and she cried too….she was so close to saying yes again. But things have changed. She has a new circle of friends I don't even know, she's talking to a guy she thinks she may like, and she is finally settling into being single and free.

If you are a religious or spiritual person please send out a prayer to god or the universe to reunite her and I... because I need that kind of positive energy out there.

Thanks so much for your support. I read all your comments and they were all helpful

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For the first time I realize I played a huge part in the breakup

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