confusedgirl Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 i had a serious conversation with my bf last night becoz i needed to be sure about where our relationship is going or if not at all becuase he told me him and his mates suggested gettin a flat together as soon as they have a proper income with a decent job, and obviously i was worried as to why his mates wud live with him and not me. Anyway he told me he would ask me but i would still be in further education and not until i have the same good income and job, and when i do he would want us to move in together one day.I thought this was a good opportunity to get out of him exactly where he thinks we are at, because not long ago we went through a rough patch and nearly broke up becuase he felt scared when i say that we hav somethin special and hes 'no ready to committ at his age' (early 20's) so i told him i get confused at times about 'us' and i was concerned when he mentioned moving in with mates and not his gf of would be, 3 years, i also mentioned what he said not long ago about bein scared and i wanted to know how he felt right now, so he told me that he wants me to move in with him one day, and he likes where we are at, he said we have a 'steady' relationship and we aren't really going anywhere, we are just going with the flow and he said he's comfortable with me and enjoys every moment, that we are more than lovers we are best friends and that doin anythin now would be too soon, he said he likes to make the right choices and gets scared of the thought of making the descision of being with someone for the rest of his life now because it might not be the right one to make. When questioning him about what he meant about being scared of making that choice now, he said it is becuase he likes makin the right choice so that when he is ready to marry it's after hes certain nothing can go wrong, and it has nothing to do with me as a person. After that i felt i knew exactly where i stood, and im kind of happy with it becuase before i was very confused about how he felt and what he thought of me as a girlfriend, but gettin that out of him has made me worried now cos i dont want to scare him off after talking to him like that.Do u think i was right in havin that talk or would i have made him want to leave?
Donut Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 This is a tricky one for me to answer, I was in the same position with my ex and we broke up pretty much because of his inability to commit (I think). I'm 26, he's 27. We were together just shy of three years. He told me he would one day blah blah blah, I'm his best friend, when I get a better paid job yada yada, all the same things ur bf is telling you, but when it came down to it he just couldn't do it, so to get out of it he just broke up with me, blamed the break up on petty things about me and moved on. In my opinion, you have done the right thing by having "the talk". You've told him how you feel, what you want from your relationship together and so on, this isn't a bad thing at all. You both know where you stand. As you said you are both young, but also you have been together for 3 years, so it's completely normal to want to know where this is going. If you've made him want to leave after having the talk, it'll prove that you're not right for each other for the long term. If you really are happy with his answers, can truly accept the fact that he doesn't want to move in with you, can continue to enjoy the relationship just as it is without resentment of him moving in with friends and don't feel like he is stringing you along then by all means stick with it. But please realise just because you do stick with it, it doesn't give you any guarantees that he will want the same things as you in the future.
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