bigtrouble Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Its a 5yr Relationship has its up and downs, (no fights, no arguments, just lack of proper communication) something like long distance relationship. We see each other every now and then but mostly talk on the phone or text. My Ex is 26years old now I met her when she was just 21, it was like a fairy tale love, like we found each other and would go on loving. As the years went by, She has complained I don't give her much attention, she feels that, she means nothing to me and I everything to her. Most of all she craves for the attention and care. She fell in love with me (butterflies in her stomach) been telling her I don't want her infatuation, I want her love but she does not seem to understand what's the difference. I knew how to carry this, I thought I could bring out the love and turn it to something deeper. So here goes, she's not happy, each time she needs some moral support she would call me and I would talk her down with her problems, I gave enough encouragement to keep her moving up her job, she's doing better in terms of finances as compared before, I may not always be there physically but I did support her to keep her going (she's emotionally weak and very dependent), I help her make the right choices, put her family before us things like that Mr.Nice Guy stuff. She paid for her Sister's Education and supported her for 4years. Her Sister graduated then I thought it would be happy sailing we can finally get on with our life been waiting for it for a long time. Then I saw some red flags she started to get distant I tried talking to her she gets angry saying no, there are no guys she remained faithful and those guys hitting on her either undesirable or she won't let them come near her. Little did I know, there was a Lesbian co-worker showering her with so much care and attention, texting, calling her, and now that I think of it she was giving this new found friend attention (emotionally cheating). She seems happy, one day her friend said she likes her, she was on the hook, and my Ex replied she likes her too. Now My Ex hid this from me, and her family its something that will not be accepted by her family, her friend was asking her to leave the country go abroad as to get her away from me, let her feelings for me die down, but I asked for a Date, we saw each other, She was distant and cold, Little did I know she lost her connection to me, She did not feel the same way as she does for her friend, Like I said its the butterflies in the stomach, she lost it for me. And that she is happier with her friend. I know she is straight, but she is emotionally needy and can easily fall into anything. So she had been emotionally cheating on me and when she was 100% felt secure on her new relationship and emotionally checked out in ours, she just jumped it. Her friend is the exact opposite of me Carefree, loves to go out, different lifestyle. Everything is like new and exciting for her. I called her up I was really getting worried, and 2 days before Christmas last year, she said "Don't call me, or text me, were done", I asked why?, She said she has somebody else, and told me about her friend, I was shocked, she won't listen to me, like she needs to let me go because its not right to love two people, and she needs to prove she is faithful to her new love. I asked what did I ever do wrong to her, she just said "its not you, its me" I did all the wrong stuff, I begged, I cried, I pleaded, tried to reason with her, I did not know about LS then. She just got stronger and don't want anything to do with me. Drunk Text, reminding her of our plans and all those promises, no reply. She went from Ms.Nice Gal to something else, She comes home and stay for like 2hrs and leaves and goes to her new love, Her family was concerned about her behavior and asked what happened between us, I said she broke up with me coz she has a new love. Her family was shocked, I wasn't a perfect Boyfriend, but she was nice when we were in our relationship. She is very respectful to her parents, and siblings loving, caring, but she ignores them now. She changed overnight. She does not even care that her relationship with her co-worker would affect her job and possibly get in the way of her next promotion. Her Line Manager pointed it out. So they keep seeing each other like she constantly needs to drown herself on this euphoric feeling when they are together, she looks so happy, and see me as a mistake that I was a bad choice in her life. She recently deleted our pics on her FB, Posted some quotes she moved on and how she deserves better, and she won't settle for anything less than she deserves. I don't know much from here but she goes out a lot now with her new love, and she is always excited and happy, new things. So weird she did held up her end of the bargain no Guys, well a Lesbian technically is still female, and I can assure you she knows what makes my Ex click its still a girl thing. I don't even know if she thought about it in the long run, she says they have plans, I know her better she's just along for the ride, she is just on the go and she is just after that emotional fizzle sizzle stuff. Now here I am on LS getting the shock of my life trying to find some courage to move on, its less than a month since BU, so confused. (Butterflies in the stomach, and loss attraction stuff killed our relationship)
Light Breeze Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 The butterfly thingies again eh? That's hard I understand, happened to me. Brother, your pseudo LDR plus this new girl hanging out with her 8+ hour a day are what probably killed your relationship. Emotional affairs (EA) starts when one is spending too much time with the AP and not enough with their current SO. I've seen a lot of these lately, young and emotionally needy people looking for outside validation and support instead of just talking to their partners and have the problems fixed. But, she's young and probably wants to experience new things w/o the baggage of her previous life. She wants excitement that she believes she doesn't find in you anymore. I really hate seeing people being hurt like this, commitment being traded for those little butterfly thingies. Now, you say she acts differently and it might cost her a promotion. Maybe a little bit of GIGS mixed in? But whatever mixed of circumstances that made her snap is now irrelevant to you. She chose to leave hence you are not responsible for her anymore. It's time to look after yourself. Learn from your mistakes, and try to correct any flaws you think you must get rid off. Get new hobbies, learn new things, hangout with friends. Do your own stuff and thrive at being single. Most of all go NC, NC, NC.. This is what will help you get through the BU. Attachment is an addiction, the loss of stimuli associated with that addiction will result in withdrawal. Weather it out and stay the course of NC and you will come out stronger and wiser. Stay strong bother. 1
Author bigtrouble Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 Thank you for your encouraging words, I'm on my 4th day of NC, I feel a little better, I exercise daily, I eat better now, got my appetite back. Random Panic attacks, still having trouble getting sleep, but I'm getting there, its been like 23days since BU, but sometimes I can appreciate myself everyday. My ego and Manhood took a devastating blow, trying to piece myself together now. LS helped me a lot clear my head, I have been lurking here for more than a week before I even had the courage to make a post. Doing it now got a load of my chest and I'm not so emotional about since I waited to calm myself a bit before posting.
Author bigtrouble Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 28 days after BU... 10th day of NC getting better, but I still think of her. Got tired of looking at her FB page and seeing her happy face. Got the feeling I never existed in her life. I know she's not coming back, need to convince myself more. Days seems to drag on and feel so slow. I guess this happens when you want them to fly by and forget. I do hope that one day her new relationship fail. The sooner the better and she will just feel crap like I do. Seeing her change so much like she is adapting her new partner's lifestyle. She dress and move its like she's experiencing freedom for the first time. Really a bomber, she's happy and I'm so sad. Here I am desperately doing my best to get over her. I never blamed her, and I stopped blaming myself...
Light Breeze Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Stay strong man! And stop looking at her FB Slowly but surely.
Author bigtrouble Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Stay strong man! And stop looking at her FB Slowly but surely. Thanks, I already stopped looking at it... Nothing good ever came out of it anyways...
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