getagripordietrying Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) feeling again down when I'm at home. we broke up with my girlfriend of two years 6 months ago. we were really in love, inseparable but I got very busy and started to took the relationship a bit granted. we had this silly fight, she just wanted some pause then but since there was this other dude in play too now, I got nervous and overwhelmed her. So we broke up. I cannot get over about what happened still. I'm even kind of fine that we broke up, as I now see I really had become a bit of a hard person to live together, but I cannot forgive myself than I was still such an emotional mess months after the breakup. She wanted to come back to me several times but since I couldn't keep my cool, she pulled away still. This push and pull thing really hurt me as it went on months after. I still loved her, so I got too ahead of the game, when she wanted to be with me again. Why couldn't I just kept my cool. She probably has now lost respect for me and the attraction is gone, as she thinks she can just do and decide whatever. She now has occasional other boyfriend too but she also moved away until summer. Not sure what the hell is happening. She is probably exploring all kinds of different opportunities. I know it's over but it's just so hard to forgive myself. As she didn't even want to break up but things just escalated and when she needed some space cause I had become a bit crazy, then in contrary I didn't give her space but totally cracked down and overwhelmed her. I just got really hurt when I suddenly saw that she is doubting our future. I got really hurt even before I needed to be. So it really feels I dumped myself almost. I have other girls who are interested in me and actually I'm quite a catch. But I cannot get her out of my head. It feels so stupid classic 2 year breakup and felt totally possible to overcome this little crisis but since I cracked down emotionally I really pushed her away. Hard to forgive this to myself. I'm doing everything to feel better but in the evening at home I still feel down. I would date but I'm not really ready. I had some girls after, but each time she showed up and kind of messed it up again with the others. Those weren't really serious anyway though. Edited January 14, 2015 by getagripordietrying
sober and dry Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I would say that's normal that you are not completely over your RS of 2 years. As yourself already said, the BU did some good to you in terms of learning for yourself and your own good. Now you MUST forgive yourself for your emotional mess after the breakup, because unless you self inflicted pain or treated really bad anyone around you, I can't see any reason for you to no forgive yourself. The emotional mess is normal and it just shows how emotional evolved you were with your ex, and it's a good sign after all. This push and pull, as you describe, is just a sign that you are not ready for any kind of romantic RS yet, and of course it will hurt you! You shouldn't be worried about what is happening with her, as long as she is safe and sound if you know what I mean. Man we all do quite a lot of stupid things, but, that's what make us grow! Bellive me when I say this, because been there and done that. You will still make a lot of crazy **** until you dye and you will learn a ton too, you just can't stop doing it or ignore it. After all, we are just humans and it's our nature, as it's our nature to try and learn from our mistakes! Do whatever makes you happy, when you feel down and can't make anything about it, just grab and contemplate that down time, you will see the result some time later
Author getagripordietrying Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) yes, it's hard to forgive myself as I did 1000x mistakes after breakup pushing her further away and away. She still loved and cared, as she really tried to reach out many times, even still said she loved me months after breakup, but my actions just killed her attraction in the end. And pushed her in the arms of another. It was my first time being dumped and I was so sure in our love, so I really cracked and was stupid to not seek advice what to do. I'm fine that we broke up but not fine that we didn't get back together. I know it was possible and our relationship would have been 1000x better. And it was awesome already. She'll be back in the summer. Maybe if I really work on myself, not contact and move on, she might realise what she is missing? We've been still in irregular contact here and there. I know I cannot hope on that though of course. And I need to move on anyway. Edited January 14, 2015 by getagripordietrying
FixItCris Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 You said there was another guy in play quite early on. You may have taken her for granted as you say, but if the two of you were really meant for each other, you would've talked about this and sorted it out. You don't go running into the arms of another guy the first sign that everything isn't 100% perfect. Nobody is perfect, least of all somebody who does that. Trust me, I've been there. Don't beat yourself up for pushing her away, what's done is done. If there was another guy in the picture, it really doesn't matter what you did.
Author getagripordietrying Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) it would be awesome if I could just switch "her" off for 5 months. yeah, there was another guy in play but I don't think she loves her, it's just some attention and fun and popularity she might have had lacking in our recent time. but since it was someone she (and I knew) for some time, she of course has started to care now too. ah, I dunno. she did wanted to move away though, so we didn't break up because of him, but just more she felt it's too much and needed to break free. but she has doubted her decision several times. I just wasn't ready for it. yeah, her seeking of moving away to all kinds of different places and this other dude, made me rush things and I couldn't keep it slow. she moved away on her own. We have so many mutual friends, so I still hear about her, even if I don't contact. Edited January 14, 2015 by getagripordietrying
Author getagripordietrying Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 I'd like to get over her but still leave a possibility to meet in the summer to see where we are. Because I know she didn't wanna break up but my acting out made it impossible not to and my later actions took away the attraction. We were really compatible but got too comfortable and in routine. She still cares about me but my poor choices have blown the attraction out of the door.
sober and dry Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Man.. All I see in this 2 posts is she, she, she, she... You will only heal and become available for any RS when you start think about you, you, you... 2
Author getagripordietrying Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 You are right, sober That's what I'm aiming to do and doing. Just sometimes need to let that **** out still when it overwhelms me. the mistakes I did. Hopefully less and less and less. Not so much in the relationship but more the stuff after. Was quite unstable for a while. The truth is she is not ideal either and was insecure and didn't know how to communicate her needs too well. She accused me of manipulating when she wanted a pause or a break but in reality she later manipulated me some months down the line.
sober and dry Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 You really need to let her go out of your head. I know it's hard, really hard and will take some time though. I can see you are still on the way to it. It's crucial that you search and get your mistakes. But you still seeking "her", for instance, how she acted and her bads. It doesn't matter anymore, sorry but it's the truth... Vent it out, here, with some close friend, with your family or even with yourself, when you are heal you will probably even laugh about the times you did it
Author getagripordietrying Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) I don't blame her at all still. I just blame myself for not being able to get my act together soon enough. Not that any of this matters any more. There was the period where she was confused and couldn't decide which way to go, but my actions and how I was at the time, made her to decide to move on from me. I know I should put it all behind me and doing everything for it, but still cannot. Edited January 14, 2015 by getagripordietrying
bigtrouble Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I don't blame her at all still. I just blame myself for not being able to get my act together soon enough. Not that any of this matters any more. There was the period where she was confused and couldn't decide which way to go, but my actions and how I was at the time, made her to decide to move on from me. I know I should put it all behind me and doing everything for it, but still cannot. Not blaming her is a good attitude for moving on, but its best to stop blaming yourself too, just see it as a mistake and learn from it.
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