maysj18 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) You're 20ish now. In college. Hormones raging. You're going to end up saying or doing something that breaks her heart. She sounds like a great girl and she doesn't deserve to be heart broken over something she can't control. Yes, you need to have physical attraction but someone ready for a mature, loving relationship would view that physical attraction differently. This girl cannot change her size just like a thicker girl cannot necessarily become thin. At some point it comes down to build. Women criticize their looks a lot and most battle body image issues at some point in their life. This doesn't mean you "force" yourself to love her body, but it does mean you need to think about her as a person more. Things will be said and done if you try to stay with her that will probably end up hurting her more than you realize. Yes, you are being immature and selfish, but you cannot turn those things off like a switch. Unfortunately, it's part of growing up. The good thing is that you are realizing how unfair you're being, which is something that a lot of younger guys don't grasp at first. It's going to take some life lessons, heart break, whatever before you're able to grow enough to truly change. As women, we deal with our own selfishness too but it just usually comes out in different ways so please don't think I'm putting you down. The most important thing you can do at this point is to think about each individual as a person and to be honest with them. If you want to sleep around, just be smart and mindful. Don't cheat. Don't lie or manipulate. If a girl is a sweet girl and wants a relationship, don't play games just to have sex with her. It's just not worth it. It's also not worth it to stay in a relationship if you're unhappy- in your case, it's more because you will end up hurting her. If you love her enough you will just let her go. Disclaimer: I'm not condoning your behavior and I think you're being an a*shole. Just because it's part of growing up, doesn't mean it's okay. It's just more realistic to view this as something that you can't fix overnight than to try to talk you into "changing your ways". You have complete control over yourself, but you're also going to do whatever you want. Because, f*ck it, you're 20. One day you'll regret all this, but that's just going to fall on deaf ears for now. Like I said earlier though, just don't hurt people and don't be manipulative. Edited January 14, 2015 by maysj18
TigerCub Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can't deny That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung... Really? Everyone else resisted?! Seriously though OP, I agree with those that said that you can't help who you are attracted to and if your girl isn't doing it for ya - let her go, it's the kind/right thing to do. Good luck 2
bathtub-row Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Well, you couldn't call this post boring. lol. Truly, you can't help what you're attracted to. I think the real reason you're attracted to the big booty girls is because they remind you of home; they're familiar and touch a place deep inside you. I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like you have a good thing going and I think you'd regret it if you left your gf or cheated on her. That alone should give you resolve. But do not stay with her because you can't bear to hurt her. That's being unfair to her because, in the long run, she'll get over it. It wouldn't hurt her to experience the world, too. But if you would really feel the loss if you left her, then it would be a mistake to leave.
Zahara Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Yea it feels like a double edged sword regardless of my choice. But I do love and care for her. She's my first love and I honestly am attracted but I just think about/see butt too much Hmmmmmmmmmmm I think she provides you security and comfort -- she's good on paper. She's reliable. She's consistent. She's loyal. She's kind. What you love about her is that she's a safe place. That's your "love" for her. When I was in my 20's, immature and superficial -- I was gung-ho about never dating a guy that was shorter than me and I absolutely detested guys with skinny legs. When I was 22 I met him. He was shorter than me and he had skinny legs. I absolutely loved him to pieces. We were together for years. I was truly blind to his height and his skinny legs. We ended because he moved to another country with his family for an arranged marriage. And to this day I still think about him. I think the "butt" is a just an excuse that you're using to justify your lack of compatibility and ending with her. It's not about her butt, I think it's about you not being into her anymore.
BluEyeL Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I think you're too young to settle down now. Not because of the big butt stuff itself, but you don't seem ready. Break up with her now, you both will get over it and you'll both find other people to settle down with when you are ready. People who stay together from such young age tend to have a high split up rate. 2
Bellaisa Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I didn't even read your post. You know why? If you are contemplating breaking up with a woman for anything physical, you should not be with her. She can't help the way she looks, and she doesn't deserve to have you even thinking that she is not the way she 'should' be. Find a woman that you find physically attractive, whatever that is, and let your woman find a man who wants to eat up her skinny ass, or big ass when it gets older.
40 Fonzarelli Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 You're still young and have tons of time left. What are you doing being in a relationship in college anyway? This is your time to party and have fun. Don't feel bad because everyone has their own physical preferences. If you really can't break up, then help her bulk up and teach her how to squat. 2
MissBee Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 It sounds as though you currently highly value physical attributes over the others, which isn't that unusual for a 20-something guy. You said a lot about your girlfriend's qualities on paper, but not much on how you feel about her. . I agree with this. While the whole big butt issue seems superficial and trivial, the bigger issue I identified is that you have been dating since high school and you feel already married to her and you have a lot of different women around you (with body types you prefer) and now your mind is wandering. In my opinion, I don't think anyone should get into serious relationships when in high school. Most of my friends who came to college with boyfriends or girlfriends graduated without those same bfs/gfs, except one friend who is still in a dysfunctional relationship with her HS bf. As a teen and young adult you change and grow so much and in my observation sometimes people are prematurely tied down to HS relationships so don't get to grow and change as they should. I do think you care about your gf and value her as a person and I actually give you the benefit of the doubt and think that it's not solely a butt issue but also a need to spread your wings issue. I don't fault you for that. You didn't really have a chance to date and grow as a single man since you came to college already in a relationship and it might be making you more antsy. I would suggest gently breaking up with her so that you can explore and "get it out of your system" so that when you're ready to settle down you have a lot more perspective. But I think if you continue you'll probably get more and more restless.
TheGuard13 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I think it's kind of silly to suggest that someone isn't ready to settle down because they notice other attractive people. He sounds like a young guy who is realizing that there's more out there, and who wants to experience some of that. That's pretty normal, especially in college. OP, you're going to run into tons and tons and tons of attractive women in college. And in life beyond college. And you're going to want a lot of them. And that's pretty normal. There will always be other butts, breasts, different hair, different faces, etc. On the flip side though, you will always be able to look at those things and appreciate them, no matter who you are with and what her physical characteristics are. So if its a visual thing for you, the sight of it...that's pretty much always going to be available to experience in one way or another. The issue shouldn't be whether you want those things or not, because its perfectly natural. The issue is: Are you attracted to your girlfriend? Does she turn you on? Excite you? Because if you're not all that attracted to her, then the issue becomes that you're not all that attracted to her. That causes problems in a lot of relationships and you should consider moving on.
FitChick Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 You are too young to be tied down and so is she. You are both in your comfort zone. Dump her and she will have no problem attracting another guy so you needn't feel guilty. Better than cheating. 2
Els Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 OP - Let her go and play the field, as you desire. She deserves someone who is attracted to her. I think it's kind of silly to suggest that someone isn't ready to settle down because they notice other attractive people. He sounds like a young guy who is realizing that there's more out there, and who wants to experience some of that. That's pretty normal, especially in college. Errr, yes, it's normal in college - that is why most college kids aren't ready to settle down. Not sure why you're trying to debate that point.
Author Palm Tree Dude Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 I also forgot to mention that due to some crazy family situations I'm left with the choice of living with my GF in a apartment alone or letting her move off to a different state. I feel like everything is moving a bit too fast for me ontop of my silly little issues I have with her butt. Not.just saying this cause you guys have already implied it but we did rush into this relationship in high school.
Author Palm Tree Dude Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 After thinking this through for several hours I see how stupid of an issue I had. No one is perfect. I think I was just thinking of excuses cause I felt like being with her is forcing me to grow up faster than I want to. Not that I'm immature and wanna be a mommas boy still but id just like to grow up fully at my own pace. ....sorry for all these run on sentences btw
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Hi everybody, I know this title makes me look like a jerk because of judging someone off a physical characteristic that is pretty much genetic but idk if I can do this anymore. My girl is honestly the woman every kind of man would want in their life, shes pretty, long luscious light brown curly hair, pretty much a genius and scholar, hilarious, and would drop whatever shes doing to help me but at the same time has a backbone. The only problem is she doesnt have my ideal body type. Being a black guy from the south I love thick corn bread fed women, not too big but just curvy. But my girlfriend is pretty thin standing at 5'3 105 pounds. I met her senior year of high school and we hit it off. I didnt pay too much attention to her body although I knew she wasnt that thick. Now 1 and 1/2 years later we find ourselves both in college and I come into contact with beautiful thick women and it drives me crazy. What makes it worse is that Im pretty handsome so maybe a couple times a week women always introduce themselves to me and they always seem to have amazing butts too. We've talked about our future together and getting married and having kids, even naming our future kids( At this time I was sincere). We both work at the same job now and go to class together. I feel like Im married to her already and we're only 20 years old. Im her first and only bf, shes attached to my hip. The thought of breaking her heart breaks mine so Im stuck. Her whole family loves me and my family loves her. My terrible rotten friends lol tell me to just get with a thick women and get it out my system but I couldnt do that. I feel like I meant the perfect girl but she just has one flaw its hard to get over. I only go "butt crazy" at school. When we make love I dont think about it, I enjoy it. Some say the butt size will is amazing others say it doesnt matter but I need advice....fyi I know Im a piece of crap bf no need to reiterate. If you read all this I truly appreciate you, all advice is help. If you like big butts, you cannot lie - everyone knows this (it's like saving 15% or more on car insurance)... and you lied by omission, for starters. Of course, there is the one alternative which could work, and does in some people... get her pregnant (again and again, if need be)... and that might have the desired effect.
Ebelskiver Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 You are both 20 years old!!!!! First relationships aren't really meant to last. Not that they never do, but in our culture and society a bit of growing up is usually desired before settling down. I'm not going to be hard on you, when I was 20 I was a shallow jerk as well. As you get older you realize that looks are nice but that what really matters is someone's heart. But you're 20....now is kinda the time to be shallow, get treated like crap, treat people like crap, learn from those situations and come out of them a better person. Let her move away. Sow your wild oats. In a year you can try to get back together if it's what you both want. 1
Omei Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 The girl deserve better, and since this is just yalls first relationship im sure she'll get it eventually, hope so. Please let her go to someone who values her outter beauty as much as her inner.
Broom Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 The way you describe "feeling married" to her lends itself to say that you are not comfortable with being so attached and integrated with her at all times. It's too much for you and you are wanting space. Perhaps this "butt" thing is just a cover-up for a much bigger issue. You want to roam and explore and be free, but you feel confined by your relationship. You definitely need to have a talk with her and let her go. You're wasting her time. 3
evanescentworld Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 ...... Perhaps this "butt" thing is just a cover-up for a much bigger issue. .... You definitely need to have a talk with her and let her go. You're wasting her time. That (bolded) would be quite funny, if it wasn't so sadly true.... I concur. I think this relationship has run its course, but the OP is worried about breaking up, due to all the other factors (friends say his R is perfect, family bondings... those kinds of things.)
Broom Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Yes, I think he is worried about the post break-up fallout. They know each others families and share a lot of mutual friends, so a lot of questions would be raised. And no doubt this guy would be the villain to break up with her for seemingly a BS reason. He doesn't want to look like the bad guy.
elaine567 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Breaking up after 1 and a half years is in reality, no big deal. There will be tears, anger and upset, but breaking up is what usually happens to high school romances. Breaking up after 5 years, an engagement, a wedding planned, a house bought and a fiance found to be cheating with a "thick, corn bread fed, curvy, big butted woman ", is going to cause an earthquake. 4
regine_phalange Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 The title of this thread is tragically funny. Look, no matter what we say, you're going to keep feeling the lack of a big butt. So break up with the girl nicely, go after some butts, and then appreciate what you had when she will be with someone else. Or maybe not. You may have different criteria 10 years from now.
xxoo Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 After thinking this through for several hours I see how stupid of an issue I had. No one is perfect. I think I was just thinking of excuses cause I felt like being with her is forcing me to grow up faster than I want to. Not that I'm immature and wanna be a mommas boy still but id just like to grow up fully at my own pace. ....sorry for all these run on sentences btw That's good insight. I have the perspective of being you, 20 years later, still with the same person (met my husband in high school). We've always been very attracted to each other, but that doesn't mean that we weren't also very attracted to others at times. The difference is that we were quite sure that we wanted to be together, always. We never took each other for granted, and never actually wanted to be apart (maybe fantasized about sex with others, but that's it). You aren't ready for that level of commitment yet, and that's ok. Timing is a factor that's out of our control. You may have met the right person at the wrong time. But there will be other right people. Just don't assume that it will be easy to find another woman as wonderful for you as this one.
SycamoreCircle Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I think it's wrong for people to be so hard on you, given your age. I did think it was funny when you described her as having backbone. I guess, not enough, right? After all, Sir Mix-a-Lot did not pen Baby Got Backbone. You're 20. Chances are this relationship will not be your last. You've got a great girl, keep her. The two of you will change and you will eventually meet other people. I do worry about black men. I have black male friends who've crooned to me their fascination and delight with women of large posteriors. But it's cultural conditioning. Recognize that. And if people are going to get riled up about linking black men to fried chicken and watermelon, criminality and loud music, then you don't get to prioritize your life around big booties. And admittedly, it's a strong persuader. I see these women whose lower bodies look like racing horses and it's eye grabbing, to say the least. What can I say? We want our cake and want to eat it, too.
Gaeta Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 You are 20 yo, you should not even be in a relationship! You should be doing what 20 yo are meant to do, date around, have fun, experiment. It's not because she is this terrific girl that she is meant to be your girl forever. 1
CoolBurn Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I can't believe this thread is still active... There's only one response to this, and it's already been said. What is wrong with everyone?!
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