bighero76 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Okay first time poster. here it goes: I met a girl from an online dating site and we really hit it off. We talked for almost 2 weeks then met and clicked instantly. We met first week of December then saw each other twice a week for the first 3 weeks. Texted 5 to 6 times a day and exchanged pics all the time. She said she was going to be "very busy" the week of Christmas and New Years and couldn't meet as she had family coming in from out of town. I respected that and didn't bug her. This is when things changed. All of sudden she never texted me nor ever initiated a text conversation. Went from 5 texts a day to 1 every 3 days. She is a very busy woman as she works 50+ hours a week but it takes 10 seconds to text. Then now for the past 2 weeks when I've asked to meet she keeps saying she is "really sick" and doesn't want to pass it on to me. In the past week she has only texted me 4 times and all 4 said I'm still sick and nothing else. Is she breaking up with me and just doesn't have the guts to? I know she is still on the dating site but I am not (long story on how I know). I'm a naive guy and admit it. I'm pretty much Leonard from Big Bang Theory when it comes to women. Women please help! have I lost her?
Jessie1231 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Yes, she's moved on. What she's doing is kind of how I end things with guys I've been out with a few times but don't have any interest in seeing anymore. I know I should simply say I'm not interested, but that feels silly for me to say when we have only been out a few times. If she's still on the dating site she is probably busy dating guys she's meeting from there. Get back on it and meet someone who has time for you.
evanescentworld Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Send her a final text: "Ok, I'm sick too. Sick of waiting for you to do the decent thing and tell me you're not interested. So let me save you the bother. You're still sick? I agree. Have a good life, Oh and - Get well soon! Bye!!" 2
preraph Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 She might be sick, you never know. Just text her that you're so sorry she's ill and to call if she needs anything, and for sure to text you once she's feeling well enough to do something. Then the ball is in her court. 1
Author bighero76 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 sadly I agree with Jessie but just needed to hear it. I'm just shattered since I shut down my online account for her and really thought it would work. I wish she had the guts to end it because I don't and it's killing me. I didn't want to post this but she actually forgot to text me on my birthday which was last week. I am not a hurtful guy so I will not text her any mean stuff. If I get some courage tomorrow I will text her and just say "I wish you a happy life but I am moving on" thanks everyone for responding p.s. Jessie have you ever just told a guy after 6 dates it's not working or just the same as this girl did?
HereNorThere Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 It's called the slow fade and works better if you just go along with it. If you kick and scream, your chances of recovering are zero, but if you play it cool, you might get a shot in the future when she gets over whatever she's going through.
deathandtaxes Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 OP, you're dealing with a classic passive person. OLD is full of passive people. You can wish people were assertive and would tell you they're not interested, but those people are far outnumbered by the flakes and faders. It sucks.
Author bighero76 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 just googled slow faded and "ghosted dating". It pretty much sums up what happened. She's a pretty girl and could land a guy in line at Starbucks. I'm short/stocky and will need a small miracle to get a girl like her again. I won't be a douche to her but yes after the birthday absence I know it's over. Just freakin hurts inside since I never saw it coming...
LostOnes05 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Don't worry about it bro. It has happened to a good number of us. What you have to realize is that women will always have more options than men. If you should text her, be as light-hearted as possible. Just tell her that it has been nice getting to know her and that she might want to seek some professional help... for that cold lol. Don't come across as hurt or needy because honestly she doesn't care. If she texts you some time after she has actually gotten better or been dumped, still keep it light. Tell her jokingly that you'll have to see a doctor's note or something. If she in fact was sick... fine. If not tell her you'd be more than happy to hang out as friends. If she is that attractive, she may have even more attractive friends.
lovexocoach Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I'm sorry to hear this didn't work out. Sometimes you have to know when to fold them - this is one of those times. Best to move on and cease any further contact than to get hurt any more. If she's that busy she wouldn't have time for you and you deserve someone who can devote their time in getting to know you. Once you find someone else - and you will - she'll be a distant memory. Good luck in your search.
Assada Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Seems like your self esteem is in the dumps OP. Thats probably one of the reasons that she doesnt want to hang out with you anymore. You are incredicbly needy as well, which is another reason she's giving you the cold shoulder. I didnt read anything in your post where you posted that you 2 are an item, so I dont know why youre so locked in with her, like a lost puppy. That is unattractive as well. Hopefully this is constructive man. Move on
Bellaisa Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Is she breaking up with me and just doesn't have the guts to? I see the problem. You thought you were dating. You weren't. She can't break up with you because you weren't dating. So, you probably sent out a weird vibe to her where you thought you were a couple, and she quickly went whoa...this guy doesn't get it. I would pretty much say she's a goner romantically.
Author bighero76 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 well you guys were all right. I texted her today to say good morning. She said she is feeling better. Than 5 hours later she texted back saying she is no longer interested in going out, I told her I kind of knew based on the lack of text messages. She just said she was being honest that it wouldn't work out. Oh well, back to the wishing well of dating...
evanescentworld Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 well you guys were all right. I texted her today to say good morning. She said she is feeling better. Than 5 hours later she texted back saying she is no longer interested in going out, I told her I kind of knew based on the lack of text messages. She just said she was being honest that it wouldn't work out. Oh well, back to the wishing well of dating... She wasn't being honest at all. She was being evasive, and didn't want to admit it to you at all. It's only because you persisted that finally, she came clean.... Good luck. Please don't be too disheartened. I know it may be easy to feel despondent, but to me, texting isn't even dating. Try to be in someone's presence as much as you can. It's far better to establish a connection, that way....
Assada Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 What happened is OP pressured her into saying that she doesnt want to see him anymore. Super-dooper needy. We told him to move on, and he still text messaged her "How are you?" Pressured her sooooo much, he gaveher no chance. Fix your insecurities, and your self-esteem before you see other women OP, or I'm afraid its just going to turn out the same
mysteryscape Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Incredibly thoughtless, rude, downright cruel women in OLD. Their usual story is how incredibly thoughtless and downright cruel the men have been in their lives. Then, when they lose interest in you, they just fade away without saying anything, letting you hang. It's also called the silent treatment. It's happened to me more than once. At some point you learn to hold yourself back from getting involved or attached, out of self-preservation. Of course then, you'll be called a cold, noncommittal, emotionally unavailable male. The best thing is to get used to it, a lot of damaged people to deal with.
ponchsox Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Incredibly thoughtless, rude, downright cruel women in OLD. Their usual story is how incredibly thoughtless and downright cruel the men have been in their lives. Then, when they lose interest in you, they just fade away without saying anything, letting you hang. It's also called the silent treatment. It's happened to me more than once. At some point you learn to hold yourself back from getting involved or attached, out of self-preservation. Of course then, you'll be called a cold, noncommittal, emotionally unavailable male. The best thing is to get used to it, a lot of damaged people to deal with. This is very true. Damaged goods will treat you as they've been treated. They don't have a good moral backbone. This is not all women, of course. And like he said, holding your head up high and not stooping down to their level you come out the better person. OP, she did you a huge favor. Her intentions were not good.
Redhead14 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Okay first time poster. here it goes: I met a girl from an online dating site and we really hit it off. We talked for almost 2 weeks then met and clicked instantly. We met first week of December then saw each other twice a week for the first 3 weeks. Texted 5 to 6 times a day and exchanged pics all the time. She said she was going to be "very busy" the week of Christmas and New Years and couldn't meet as she had family coming in from out of town. I respected that and didn't bug her. This is when things changed. All of sudden she never texted me nor ever initiated a text conversation. Went from 5 texts a day to 1 every 3 days. She is a very busy woman as she works 50+ hours a week but it takes 10 seconds to text. Then now for the past 2 weeks when I've asked to meet she keeps saying she is "really sick" and doesn't want to pass it on to me. In the past week she has only texted me 4 times and all 4 said I'm still sick and nothing else. Is she breaking up with me and just doesn't have the guts to? I know she is still on the dating site but I am not (long story on how I know). I'm a naive guy and admit it. I'm pretty much Leonard from Big Bang Theory when it comes to women. Women please help! have I lost her? You don't know her well enough to suspect that she isn't telling you the truth. She said she is very busy with family and work through the holidays. If she is spending time with family, she should be focusing on them. She continued to text you even though it wasn't as often as you would have liked. If she is sick, she doesn't feel like texting or talking. Stop all the texting, call her and have a non-confrontational discussion with her. If she is a mature, saavy woman and has lost interest you will know it by her tone or she will tell you directly. In this case, I'd hope for the best and prepare for the worst and accept it in a dignified mature way. You haven't known her long enough to be so invested in her.
evanescentworld Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 *NEWSFLASH* She already dumped him on page 1 (post #13) !
alphamale Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Is she breaking up with me... you two were never a couple
Ebelskiver Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I think people just need to accept that the slow fade is how people show non-interest these days and not get offended by it. I've actually told people I wasn't interested and had them berate me, saying that would have rather I just stopped contacting them. Most people are conflict avoidant and they would rather avoid hurting someone's feelings. They think they can achieve this by slowly disappearing. It is what is it.
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