carhill Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 In defense of 'messy' guys, there are degrees, and I point to a story I once read by a messy guy's wife about how she thought she would 'teach him a lesson'.... When she had enough of her husband dropping his clothes wherever he happened to be, every time he would leave his clothes laying around, she'd throw them in one closet. At one point, he went to find some clothes, saw none and asked her where his clothes were. She pointed to the closet. He opened the door, rummaged around pulled out what he wanted and put them on without a comment. She, OTOH, was furious. You'll see her name here They were married until she died, so she put up with his messiness for 45 years.
Standard-Fare Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 OP, I agree with the others that the conditions you describe go well beyond "messy" and point to some mental problems. You've dismissed depression, but I wouldn't be so hasty. That strikes me as a a valid explanation for why this guy is so unmotivated and listless that he can't bother to transfer his groceries into proper receptacles. Hoarding and OCD are among the other possible problems, as others have mentioned. And any of these factors could be exacerbated by the fact that his parents took care of his every need in the past and he hasn't matured into a proper "adult." I don't think this is anything to take lightly. Whatever's causing his situation, it shows that he doesn't have enough self-respect to take care of himself properly. That means there's very little chance he's going to be a decent boyfriend who can attend to YOUR needs. I'll also add that the fact that he's even letting you see this side of him is a warning sign. It shows that he expects (or at least hopes) that you will accept this as a "quirk" and not require him to change. I can get very messy myself, but trust me, if I know a guest is coming over (esp. if it's a romantic prospect), I will get my place into decent condition beforehand. First off, I don't want to feel shame about my living conditions, but I also respect others enough to make sure they feel comfortable.
lovexocoach Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 There are clean messes and there are dirty/unsanitary messes. His doesn't qualify as a clean mess. It would be a turnoff for most people. He should at least respect you enough to clean up before you come over if he's romantically interested in you. If these things bother you right now while you're casually dating, imagine how you would feel if you were in a committed, long term relationship with him or living with him. Treat it as a red flag - and a big one at that.
Art_Critic Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 TBH from personal experience, this guy sounds more like he's abusing a substance. The only guys I've known remotely like this were serious drug users. Just having guff piled everywhere and a sinkful of dishes ("But I wash them weekly" ) is one thing, but the forgetting to put groceries away, rotting food and obliviousness to insect pests? Quite another. Grab a flamethrower, kick his door down and go to town, then leave his ass before you find his crack pipe or needles. Good viewpoint and very possibly what is up....
KatZee Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Nope. Just absolutely totally a deal-breaker. Wouldn't have anything to do with him AT ALL. (Having done the 'Health & Safety Food Hygiene in Catering' course, I couldn't even walk through his doorway....) Likewise. Wouldn't even entertain the thought of dating anyone who lived like this, it's disgusting. It's laziness, and shows a lack of pride in himself, his possessions and his home. It does say a lot about him. I have a friend who moved to a new place. For whatever reason she's too lazy to take her trash out. It sits in garbage bags rotting in her kitchen. Her entire home smells like garbage. It's to the point SHE has begun smelling like garbage (literally not figuratively) because her hair, clothes, etc have absorbed the smell in the air of her home. It's revolting. I can't imagine what this house smells like. What HE smells like. :sick:
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