juanito14 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 This is just a question I'm curious to hear from others with experience in this. It does however, also have to do with the position I'm in now. My girlfriend and I dated for 7 months and we loved each other, but somewhere down the road about 2 months ago she started to slowly fall out of love with me. She is 25 and I am 23, both supposed to graduate from college this year. She has real difficult family issues and even if she hadn't fallen out of love with me, it would have still been very hard to be together(at least for the next 6 months till she graduates). We fell for each other really fast and things got serious really quick. She felt like we were almost a married couple. I will admit I started to change my life to accommodate hers, and I know that was wrong. I'm sure besides her family issue it was the main reason why she felt the way she did. She broke up with me a week before christmas and it was hard, as all breakups are. We tried staying friends and that lasted all of a week before she told me to leave her alone, which I have since. She did tell me during that for all she knows I could be the one for her. She doesn't know how she'll feel 6 months from now, or even 2 years from now. I didn't know if she was just telling me that to make me feel better though. I know that regardless if she comes back or not I need to move on and live my own life. That's currently what I'm working on doing. I can't sit around waiting for her to come back, even though at the moment I would love for her to. I still love the girl and I think it hurts most because I know the feeling is no longer mutual. I spoke to a mutual friend of our and he said there will be other opportunities down the road, but no matter what nothing will happen till she finishes school, which I already understood. We have a lot of mutual friends and common hobbies and interests. Its inevitable that I will see her again. I do have one more question for you folks here on LS. The wound is still pretty fresh, but like I said we share common hobbies and friends and we live 5 minutes away from each other. If I do see her while I'm still hurting how should I at least try to act around her? I know things won't be awkward for her because thats the kind of person she is, but its gonna hurt me to see her and not be able to be as close as we once were. Would it be best to act cold around her for hurting me, or should I act like everything is okay too? Thank you everyone for reading and sharing your thought
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry to hear of your break-up. There is nothing quite as painful as loving someone that no longer loves you back the same way. First, to address your final point, I would advise you to be yourself. If your paths cross and you feel like greeting her with a warm hello, go for it. You just need to realize that she may not reciprocate the same sentiments but at this point, what do you have to lose? If your nature is to be kind and loving towards her, then BE yourself. There is no point in playing games or trying to be or do anything that isn't genuinely you. And the same goes if you feel compelled to turn on your heels and run in the other direction As for the rest of it, as much as I hate to attach age to the circumstances it's hard not to. Twenty-five is still quite young to really understand love and all that it takes to find it, keep it, protect it and grow it. Add to that her family drama and it makes for a challenging situation for everyone involved. Personally, I'm a hopeless romantic deep in my bones and believe that anything is possible if two people want it badly enough. Sometimes love is all about timing. It doesn't mean it can't ever happen again but for now it's best to give her the space she needs to deal with things as best as she can. The only final advice I have to add is LIVE YOUR LIFE! Do NOT sit around waiting for her. As much as it hurts and as much as you want to be with this girl you NEED to move on. Keep busy and get back out and date again. If you're meant to be with this girl, it will happen. And if not, you haven't wasted much time pining for someone who wasn't ready to be loved by you. Good luck! Edited January 13, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle 1
carhill Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I do have one more question for you folks here on LS. The wound is still pretty fresh, but like I said we share common hobbies and friends and we live 5 minutes away from each other. If I do see her while I'm still hurting how should I at least try to act around her? I know things won't be awkward for her because thats the kind of person she is, but its gonna hurt me to see her and not be able to be as close as we once were. Would it be best to act cold around her for hurting me, or should I act like everything is okay too? Cordial and businesslike works well; it might not yet be authentic but a worthy goal. As far as love being rekindled or regained, that depends upon the person and their love style. Hers is unknown to anyone but her. Myself, it takes a lot to terminate such an emotional attachment but, once complete, that person is dead, never to be resurrected in my mind or soul for as long as I live. That's simply how life works for me. For you, or your ex, it may be completely different.
Author juanito14 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Thank you both for your input. She is a pretty stubborn girl and thats what makes me question if she will ever come around. I know I can't just sit by and wait for that day to come, but part of me hopes it will. Like I said, its pretty much inevitable that I will see her again, whether we talk on the phone before that happens I don't know. I also feel like she's trying to get my attention on Facebook. She's started to like little posts that have to do with what you're supposed to do in a relationship, and even liked something last night about the agony of breaking up with someone you used to love. She knows she shows up in my feed when she likes something. I'm not sure if she's the type that feels the person is dead once the emotional attachment is gone, she's the type who's emotions change within moments. I'm hoping for the best but for now I have to live my life, which has been difficult since its only been a little over a week since the breakup.
strach Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Sounds all too familiar. She left me right before Christmas, man does that suck. Not family issues but she has a lot of personal and schooling issues (hope that was the real reason). And its sad because she was one of my best friends and now we have very limited contact. Its impossible to say. I mean sure it can happen, everyone wants to think it will happen, I know I want her back. But the best thing to do is move on right now. That's not to say completely remove her from your life or anything but its best to be focused on yourself right now and who knows maybe when shes done with her schooling if you're both available you can make it work. But don't bank on that. Take the time you need, there's no shame in that and then try to find someone new, someone better. Know it hurts man, best of luck
Author juanito14 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 So I just found out today that I will most likely be seeing her tomorrow at an open gym that we used to go to every week. She was supposed to go last week, but I guess she told her best friend that she didn't because she knew if she saw me she would probably fall back in love with me. Also earlier today, my friend posted a picture on instagram, I was barely in it and it wasn't about me. It was about some random guy taking up our space while working out, I was just in the side view reflected from the mirror. Anyways, while we are talking about her with her best friend she comments on that picture, talking about my biceps in the mirror. I think her exact comment was 'those biceps tho in the mirror' I don't know how she's gonna treat me and act tomorrow, my friend thinks she's going to be overly nice because of how rude she was during the whole break up, and it would probably be best for me to act cold towards her. Its hard for me to do that to people I care about though, even if I am mad at them. What do you guys think about this? How should I act when I see her tomorrow? She is clearly still physically attracted to me. I just want the ball to be in my court so I can make her be the one over thinking. I know that may sound wrong, but it's time for this girl to know how it feels to have to play these games.
bigtrouble Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Just act normal, don't be needy or pushy, just be your usual cool self, the guy she fell in love with. Some women tend to pullback when they know its going deeper, she's just maybe asking for some space.
Author juanito14 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) Yeah I'm just going to act natural, may be a little distant to her though. Last night sometime while I was at the gym she actually texted me. Part of me kind of expected it, all she said was that she knows that she is planning on going today and she hopes things won't be awkward between us. Of course I didn't respond, so she waited a little less then 20 minutes to send me another text saying that if I ever plan on responding to her text to let her know if its going to be hard for me to be around her to let her know, cause she was sure I had seen the first text by then. I understood the first text, the second one kind of bothered me. First she was accusing me of seeing her text already, which I hadn't and second she was talking to me like I was a child, saying if its going to be hard for me. I didn't respond to either of those texts last night, so we will see if she still ends up going. My friend and I both think she's just going to get drunk before she goes to make it easier for her. Part of me definitely wanted to respond, but I knew it probably wasn't for the best. After over a week without hearing anything from her, yesterday was a pretty eventful day for me. Edited January 15, 2015 by juanito14
Author juanito14 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) She just texted me again saying "ur really not gonna respond?" And two hours after I didn't respond she texted my friend to talk briefly about it and then blocked me on Instagram and unfriended me on facebook. What is she trying to pull right now? Edited January 16, 2015 by juanito14
ralfgarnett Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 7 months is nothing you couldn't even form a bond in that little time never mind fall in love, go out and meet lots of more people maybe one day you will meet the right one an then you will experience true love for real, I know you think you are hurting but try being me, I am 50 y/o and six months apart from my wife of 20 years, my life is over yours has hardly started, live, love and enjoy, you have nothing to fret over.
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