Lauren83 Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 I'm not sure if this is in the right forum, but I'll go ahead and post it here anyway. I'm really confused and disappointed about the recent turn of events in my relationship with a guy named Tyler. Here's some background info.... Tyler and I attend the same college. He's 19, I'm 21. He's from Seattle, I'm from Dallas. I'm a Christian, he's an Atheist. His major is international affairs, mine is art. He wants to join the peace corps and go to Africa after college, then maybe work for Unicef. I want to design graphics and promote musicians for a record company in California. We both love the west coast, and have the same interests (music, outdoor sports - mainly rock climbing, movies, etc...), we both speak French, love European culture, and we're both very laid back. Our political views are also the same, even though our religious beliefs are not. We met a month ago at a meeting. I'm in the Student Association, and he's involved with Habitat For Humanity. We're working together on an event, and he came to speak about this event at our meeting a month ago. We were both instantly physically attracted to each other right away, but I really became interested after I saw how passionate he was about this cause and after I got to know his character. A week after this meeting, we saw each other at a concert on campus. I noticed him first, but he was with friends and I was with friends. After a while, the friends I was there with left (night classes) and I was left on my own. I saw that Tyler was talking to my friend Michelle, and after they finished their conversation, I walked up to Michelle and started talking about our French class. Tyler was talking to someone else at the time, but soon joined us and we recognized each other. He said something to Michelle about one of their classes, and after Michelle said she had to leave, Travis invited me to go sit with him and some friends. We immediately started talking and didn't stop talking until the concert was over. I felt like we really hit it off, but was a little disappointed when he didn't ask for my number. (He told me later it was because he wasn't sure if I was a strict Christian or not, and he wanted to find out if I'd even be interested in becoming closer friends or dating before he asked). About a week went by and I told a few friends that I had a little crush on him. One of them (Kate) saw that he was working out at the gym when she was there, and she called me and told me to come up there so we could maybe talk. I came up, with my guy friend James (who's good friends with Tyler), and we pretended to be meeting my friend Kate there. We talked to Kate for a while and then James pretended to notice Tyler. After a few minutes, I came up to them and asked if James was ready to leave. He said yes, and I noticed that Tyler seemed a little surprised to see me there. (James later told me that Tyler had been in the middle of a story and, when I came up, got really flustered and started mumbling about something that didn't make any sense at all). As James and I were leaving, Tyler hurried to get his things together so he could walk out with us. He invited us to go to an event on campus that night (a comedian) so we told him we'd probably go. I talked James in to going with me (he's such a good sport!) and we met up with Tyler. We didn't talk much during the show, but after the show, Tyler turned immediately to me and asked what I thought of it. We ended up talking for about 30 minutes after the show, and he asked me for my number so we could hang out sometime. I gave it to him, and he said "maybe we could hang out after spring break [which was the following week]. I'll be studying for midterms until then, and during the break, I'll be out of town." So I said that sounded like fun, and left. He called me that Friday afternoon and invited me to dinner that night. I accepted, and was very excited that he called, even though he said he might not. We went to an Italian cafe and ate on the patio because it was nice outside. We talked for about 2hrs and, after it got a little colder outside, he saw that I had goosebumps and offered me his jacket. I happily accepted, and wore it the rest of the night. After dinner (which he paid for), he asked if I wanted to get some coffee and talk. We headed to a cafe near our school, and saw some of his friends there. He introduced me and we chatted with them for about 10 minutes. After our drinks arrived, we sat at our own table and resumed our conversation. We chatted at the cafe until they closed at midnight. After that, we weren't quite ready to end the evening, so we rented a movie and went back to my place to watch it. It was a great movie, and we ended up talking after the movie for a little while. He told me about his family, religious beliefs, political beliefs, and basically everything else. Including the fact that he'd been dumped by a girl 3 months earlier, and wasn't quite over it yet. He wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship yet, but wanted to take it slow. I told him I was fine with that, because I like to take things slow anyway. Finally, after more chatting, he suggested that it was time for him to leave. He gave me a hug, told me that he'd had a great time, and then headed home. After he got back from his trip, (that next Saturday) he invited me to hang out with him and some friends (another couple) at the park to play frisbee and do some homework. I went, and we played for a while and then he helped me with my French homework. Then,we all went to dinner and to a coffee shop to play cards. After the card game, Tyler and I broke off on our own and went back to my apt. to watch a movie and talk. During the movie, he took my hand and stroked my arm. It was very sweet. After the movie, we talked for a long time, and he kept holding my hand, playing with my fingers, etc... We ended up talking until 5am and then he left. Our next date was 2 days later, on Monday night. He asked for my help with a flyer (because I do graphic design) and we ended up doing homework together again. After homework, we started talking. During our talk, he put his arm around me and started rubbing my shoulder. Then, we'd switch positions and I'd be sitting in front of him, with his arms around me. After about an hour of this, it was getting close to 4am. We were both tired, so he suggested that we lay down. We ended up spooning on the couch and eventually falling alseep together around 5am. He woke up at 9am, because he had a 9:30 class. He decided to skip the class and then we'd both get up at 10am, because we both had 11am classes. Neither of us wanted to get up, but we did and we both went to class. We both told each other what a great time we had and I really felt I was falling for him. The next time I saw him was at my friend, Curtis' concert. Curtis' flew in from CA on Friday morning, and I drove him around town to his shows. Tyler went to Curtis' show on Friday night, but I had so many friends I needed to talk to, the merch. booth to run, pictures to take, and everything else that we didn't get much time to talk. But, Tyler, Curtis and I hung out after the show. We went to iHop and then took Curtis back to his hotel. Curtis asked Tyler if he wanted to hang out with us the next day, and Tyler said he might. Then, Tyler asked if I wanted to hang out after we dropped him off (around 1am) and I said that I did. He suggested that we put in a DVD and fall asleep to it. I agreed, and we talked for a while before we pulled out the futon and started the DVD. We spooned for a while, and when I'd turn over, he'd lay his head on my shoulder or chest. I'd do the same. We were always cuddling. After we woke up that morning (around 10am), he left because he had to meet some friends for lunch and to go rock climbing. I also had to pick Curtis up to go to an afternoon show at Border's. After the Border's show, Tyler called me and asked what we were up to. We invited him to go to a movie with us, and he accepted. We saw "Guess Who". Tyler was holding my hand and playing with my fingers the entire time. After the movie, we had to get Curtis to the venue because he had a show that night. While Curtis was setting up, Tyler and I hung out. Tyler and I hung out the entire evening, while I worked the merch booth. He kept hugging me, putting his arms around me, and kissing my head. Or we'd just hold hands and sit close together. As the evening progressed, Curtis decided to get drunk and follow a slutty girl to a house party. We went with them, to keep an eye on Curtis, and it was actually pretty fun. The music was going, and we danced to "The Way You Look Tonight". We had a great conversation, and cuddled a lot. He'd always hold my hand as we were walking to and from places. Finally, around 7am, we left the house party and the three of us went back to my apt. Curtis was still a little drunk, so he headed straight for my bed. Tyler and I slept on the futon again, and cuddled. I woke up to a phone call, and as I was talking, Tyler started kissing my neck and my forehead. It was very sweet! After that, he decided he should go because he had some things he needed to do that day. So, he got up and I did too. I gave him a hug and then he put his forehead to mine. After holding each other for a few minutes, he kissed me. It was very sweet, but I didn't feel any sparks. He gathered his things, and then hugged and kissed me again. Still, no sparks. Then, he left. [That was yesterday] I didn't hear from him until tonight. He called and told me that he wanted to hang out, and maybe talk for a while. I told him that sounded good. Earlier in the day I told my friend that he kissed me, but there weren't any sparks. I was really confused, but decided to give it more time and maybe there weren't fireworks because we were both so exhausted. When he called, I could tell by the tone of his voice that something was up. I was right. He told me that he really enjoyed my company, and that he loved getting to know me, but he felt that there was something missing. He said that he didn't feel like it could work out long term, and he wanted to tell me how he felt now before we went any further. And, he didn't realize that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship right now until he stepped back and thought about it last night. He also said that he had another thing to say about that situation, but would save it for another time (I'm not sure what that meant). So, I told him that I also didn't feel any sparks, but had really enjoyed getting to know him as well. We both agreed to stay good friends, and I truly believe that we will. But, right now, I'm feeling very sad and hurt. Why would he lead me on like that if he knew it wouldn't work out? I just don't understand. Is there any hope for us in the future, or is he completely over me now? Should I move on entirely, or still keep the option of dating him in the back of my mind. It's hard for me to get over this, because I've never been initially attracted to someone for their personality and character, instead of looks. I know it sounds shallow, but I'm usually attracted to guys by the way they look, and then I work up the courage (or make plans) to find a way to talk to them. Most people asked us about the Christian/Atheist thing, but we never had a problem. We both respected each other's beliefs, and know that religion is very personal. We never tried to change or preach to each other. It seemed to be the perfect relationship. I'm just wondering what went wrong. If anyone can offer some insight, I would be VERY grateful!! Thanks!
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 Honey, your story is sooo sweet. And a refreshing change from some of the cynical and nasty stuff which many people on this site have had to suffer. I don't think anything went wrong. It sounds like he has been the perfect gentleman - he has been kind and sweet, he didn't "use" you and he told you honestly and gently when he thought it wouldn't work. You've done good work too - you're looking below the surface and practising getting to know a guy. And it sounds like you showed great taste in your choice Maybe this relationship will work out again one day, but probably it won't. Whichever, you can't rely on it and he has closed the door for the time being at least. So you need to move on. But you have good memories, you are still on good terms and you have good experience you can build on for the next relationship.
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