Having a hard time today and wondering if I'm doing the right thing

[music_and_poetry]

Summary of Situation: My best guy friend (of 6 years) and I gradually developed into an intense FWB. At first the situation was okay and there were no feelings. As time went on and we were spending great deals of time together and talking all day. He started becoming more and more affectionate. It felt like a relationship in a lot of ways. I realized I did feel something for him. As it turns out, he claimed he'd never "see me in that way" because we were "friends". I am heartbroken. I really love him.

 

Update:After pouring my heart out to him over text I decided to shut him out completely. Blocked him on Facebook, and incoming calls. He continued to text me and I didn't answer him. Finally after several unanswered texts (out of corteousy) I told him "I think it's best if we don't talk for a while." That was a week ago, he never responded to that text but I am assuming he read it since I haven't heard a peep from him since. I wonder if I pissed him off or hurt him.

 

I was doing okay with the separation. I spent my time throwing myself into work, songwriting, recording, working out, and seeing girlfriends. Today I'm home sick with a bad cold. It's the first time I feel alone with my feelings. I feel like separation is what I need right now to process everything that has happened but at the same time... THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND. I can't even explain how much I miss him. This was the one person I talked to DAILY. All day long about everything. This was the guy I hung out with to go grocery shopping or to watch crappy TV until 4 AM. He's been there for me too. He once drove over an hour to bring me home for a doctor's appointment. He let me use his house to throw a New Year's party. He drove an hour out to visit me.

 

It's like torture because I don't want to know what he's up to (seeing other girls and what not) and I don't want to go back to being "just his friend" but the truth is I miss him as my friend too. He just GOT me and I feel like I got him. The sad part is, I don't even know how he reacted to my text or if he hates me. I don't know if I should wait my whole life for someone who may never come around or if I should suck it up and salvage what was a great friendship. I'm really torn and I don't know if my actions for distance are doing more damage than good.

[MissLilly]

Summary of Situation: My best guy friend (of 6 years) and I gradually developed into an intense FWB. At first the situation was okay and there were no feelings. As time went on and we were spending great deals of time together and talking all day. He started becoming more and more affectionate. It felt like a relationship in a lot of ways. I realized I did feel something for him. As it turns out, he claimed he'd never "see me in that way" because we were "friends". I am heartbroken. I really love him.

 

Update:After pouring my heart out to him over text I decided to shut him out completely. Blocked him on Facebook, and incoming calls. He continued to text me and I didn't answer him. Finally after several unanswered texts (out of corteousy) I told him "I think it's best if we don't talk for a while." That was a week ago, he never responded to that text but I am assuming he read it since I haven't heard a peep from him since. I wonder if I pissed him off or hurt him.

 

I was doing okay with the separation. I spent my time throwing myself into work, songwriting, recording, working out, and seeing girlfriends. Today I'm home sick with a bad cold. It's the first time I feel alone with my feelings. I feel like separation is what I need right now to process everything that has happened but at the same time... THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND. I can't even explain how much I miss him. This was the one person I talked to DAILY. All day long about everything. This was the guy I hung out with to go grocery shopping or to watch crappy TV until 4 AM. He's been there for me too. He once drove over an hour to bring me home for a doctor's appointment. He let me use his house to throw a New Year's party. He drove an hour out to visit me.

 

It's like torture because I don't want to know what he's up to (seeing other girls and what not) and I don't want to go back to being "just his friend" but the truth is I miss him as my friend too. He just GOT me and I feel like I got him. The sad part is, I don't even know how he reacted to my text or if he hates me. I don't know if I should wait my whole life for someone who may never come around or if I should suck it up and salvage what was a great friendship. I'm really torn and I don't know if my actions for distance are doing more damage than good.

 

I think if you still have romantic feelings for him, it would be impossible to keep a true friendship. Ask yourself how would you feel when he started talking about this or that girl he's seeing? Because this is what friends do, they talk about everything. I don't think he hates you, i guess he is respecting your wish to sort out your feelings and is letting things cool down, which is very nice of him.

[music_and_poetry]

I think if you still have romantic feelings for him, it would be impossible to keep a true friendship. Ask yourself how would you feel when he started talking about this or that girl he's seeing? Because this is what friends do, they talk about everything. I don't think he hates you, i guess he is respecting your wish to sort out your feelings and is letting things cool down, which is very nice of him.

 

I don't even know if he's seeing her. He just added some chick on facebook who he met on OkCupid and I overheard him telling our mutual friend about how she liked 3 of his pictures. He confronted me because he suspected I was jealous and would not drop it until I admitted it. When I did admit it he just totally freaked out saying he knew what happened was a big mistake. I just can't understand how he can talk to me all day long, hold hands with me and cuddle with my in front of our friends, spend a whole day cooking and being romantic, have sex with me, kiss me, fall asleep cuddling with me, and not see me as anything but a friend.

[Light Breeze]

I'm sorry you're going through something difficult right now. I can imagine how it feels like to lose your best friend whom you have fallen in love with. I just want to say I understand.

 

Now, that's quite a choice you're going to have to make i.e. hurt yourself by continuing as his friend or hurt yourself by not having him as friend. Either choice would probably hurt you very much but it needs to be made.

 

If you drop nc and continue being his friend imo it would be pure torture, as you said, you would probably see strings of new love interests enter his life, and that can be utterly heartbreaking. Furthermore, chances are, you and him would probably not be able to go back as you were before all of this happened. I think it would be kinda akward.

 

If you continue nc, you'll heal and the pain you're suffering right now would subside in time. I admit it's kinda hard considering you have these memories and bond with this guy as bestfriends, but it can be done. After you're all healed up though you might or might not want to be back together as friends, but if you do I think it wouldn't be ever the same again. But at least you've moved on.

 

So, basically it would be either choosing to suck it up and remain friends while your hurting inside because you're in love with him or letting go of him as a friend but protecting your emotional well being.

 

Personally, I'd choose the second, I'd choose myself first. Loving yourself first is not a bad thing in fact it's a great advice given to dumpees. There would be others out there for you anyway why settle for one who doesn't want to be with you as you want him to.

 

I hope you stay strong and hope you find happiness in whatever choice you make.

[music_and_poetry]

I'm sorry you're going through something difficult right now. I can imagine how it feels like to lose your best friend whom you have fallen in love with. I just want to say I understand.

 

Now, that's quite a choice you're going to have to make i.e. hurt yourself by continuing as his friend or hurt yourself by not having him as friend. Either choice would probably hurt you very much but it needs to be made.

 

If you drop nc and continue being his friend imo it would be pure torture, as you said, you would probably see strings of new love interests enter his life, and that can be utterly heartbreaking. Furthermore, chances are, you and him would probably not be able to go back as you were before all of this happened. I think it would be kinda akward.

 

If you continue nc, you'll heal and the pain you're suffering right now would subside in time. I admit it's kinda hard considering you have these memories and bond with this guy as bestfriends, but it can be done. After you're all healed up though you might or might not want to be back together as friends, but if you do I think it wouldn't be ever the same again. But at least you've moved on.

 

So, basically it would be either choosing to suck it up and remain friends while your hurting inside because you're in love with him or letting go of him as a friend but protecting your emotional well being.

 

Personally, I'd choose the second, I'd choose myself first. Loving yourself first is not a bad thing in fact it's a great advice given to dumpees. There would be others out there for you anyway why settle for one who doesn't want to be with you as you want him to.

 

I hope you stay strong and hope you find happiness in whatever choice you make.

 

That is really beautiful advice. I do care for my own emotional well being which is why I distanced myself after that conversation. I'm having a hard time coping wondering if I hurt him or if he hates me. He's really been one of the best and dearest friends I've ever had. I can't even begin to dislike him. Aside from not sharing my feelings, he has been nothing but good and wonderful to me. I kind of feel like I'm being the bad person. But on the other hand, it's hard to think of facing him and his future love interests knowing that at one point he held my hand and kissed me and spent all his time with me. That will be torture. That's why I can't decide what to do. I don't know if he'll want to be my friend when all of this is over.

[bigtrouble]

Things happen differently on every person, and on different levels, but looking at this its best you found out early than have it on you for a long time.

 

Its difficult when you start feeling a connection and he does seem to have it in him. Only time will tell if it grows on him or not.

 

If you want to continue to have him as a friend you need to set your emotional boundaries.

[Light Breeze]

That is really beautiful advice. I do care for my own emotional well being which is why I distanced myself after that conversation. I'm having a hard time coping wondering if I hurt him or if he hates me. He's really been one of the best and dearest friends I've ever had. I can't even begin to dislike him. Aside from not sharing my feelings, he has been nothing but good and wonderful to me. I kind of feel like I'm being the bad person. But on the other hand, it's hard to think of facing him and his future love interests knowing that at one point he held my hand and kissed me and spent all his time with me. That will be torture. That's why I can't decide what to do. I don't know if he'll want to be my friend when all of this is over.

 

If he's as good and understanding as you said him to be, Then he shouldn't be hurt by that. In fact I think he would quite understand how difficult it is for you to remain in contact when all he wants from you is friendship. I know I would.

 

Just remember though whatever choice you make it's highly likely that things would be akward. You might lose that close bond with him as your friend.

 

In my opinion, as a rule of thumb, make the choice that will protect your emotions first because total heartbreak is a very difficult thing to overcome.