Zzyxx Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 So I've actually been pretty good at not facebook or instagram stalking my ex of 5.5 months. I mean, I know for a fact she's totally and completely 120% moved on, has a new gf and is happier without me, why do I need to see it? Well that stupid part of my brain said that I needed to do it today to gauge how over it I am. WELL BRAIN I KNOW I'M NOT OVER HER YET SO WHY DID I DO IT??? I didn't even see anything bad. There's a pic of the new girl with her head totally cut off ("this is a picture of the back of somebody's head!"Getting these move quotes, anyone? anyone?) preparing food for their NYE together and some stupid pics of her drinking tea on a trip they took which she never wanted to do with me, and other pics of her enjoying life doing other stuff she never wanted to do with me. So I don't really know why I have the need to self destruct now. I accidently saw her new profile pic on Christmas eve when I was searching for a friend with similar initials and that depressed the hell out of me, so I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to do it now. Has anyone else ever done this? And why do we do it? I would ask how we stop, but I don't do it all the time, so how do you fight the momentary weakness?
KBarletta Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 So I've actually been pretty good at not facebook or instagram stalking my ex of 5.5 months. I mean, I know for a fact she's totally and completely 120% moved on, has a new gf and is happier without me, why do I need to see it? Well that stupid part of my brain said that I needed to do it today to gauge how over it I am. WELL BRAIN I KNOW I'M NOT OVER HER YET SO WHY DID I DO IT??? I didn't even see anything bad. There's a pic of the new girl with her head totally cut off ("this is a picture of the back of somebody's head!"Getting these move quotes, anyone? anyone?) preparing food for their NYE together and some stupid pics of her drinking tea on a trip they took which she never wanted to do with me, and other pics of her enjoying life doing other stuff she never wanted to do with me. So I don't really know why I have the need to self destruct now. I accidently saw her new profile pic on Christmas eve when I was searching for a friend with similar initials and that depressed the hell out of me, so I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to do it now. Has anyone else ever done this? And why do we do it? I would ask how we stop, but I don't do it all the time, so how do you fight the momentary weakness? The simplest way: Block her and/or delete your account(s). That way there is no way you can see each other even if you have a moment of weakness.
bigtrouble Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) I constantly check my EX FB to get validation and accept the fact that's its beyond hope, sure it hurts but I can feel my self getting stronger each day, its a slow and painful process where I expose my self to the pain of BU until I just go numb and simply don't care. Well to each his own, do what works for you, but one thing I learned NC is important, I can do NC easily since I have no choice, she just ignores me, like I don't exist. She still is friend at FB but she did remove our pictures when we were together, and posted some quotes to spite me and made it clear she's moved on. But she did not care enough to unfriend me. Edited January 13, 2015 by bigtrouble 1
seminoles84 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 It tough but you need to block her account. I used to do the same thing and I have since blocked her and it help tremendously. At first it will be rough but in no time you'll be glad you can't see what's going on in their life. The thing about facebook is you only see what they want you to see. Rarely does someone post the bad things going on in their life so you only see what appears to be a jolly ole time. I know for a fact my ex is depressed but you wouldn't believe that bad on her FB. Do your sanity a favor and block her.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 You go off track, make a mistake, etc, 1000 times a day. So, just straighten yourself out and get back on track 1000 times a day... 3
JonjMie Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I constantly check my EX FB to get validation and accept the fact that's its beyond hope, sure it hurts but I can feel my self getting stronger each day, its a slow and painful process where I expose my self to the pain of BU until I just go numb and simply don't care. Well to each his own, do what works for you, but one thing I learned NC is important, I can do NC easily since I have no choice, she just ignores me, like I don't exist. She still is friend at FB but she did remove our pictures when we were together, and posted some quotes to spite me and made it clear she's moved on. But she did not care enough to unfriend me. I do the same, I flick through her pictures or status and sit through the pain and every day it's ever so slightly less painful, heart races when something new pops up and one day it will be another guy's face but I agre, I'm just pushing through the pain barrier whilst mending myself.
ZiggyZoo Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Yeah, I just unblocked my ex's FB and checked up on what little I could glean from his public posts and comments left on mutual friends' statuses. I did it because I was doing so much better and thought I could handle it...NOPE NOPE NOPE. I luckily didn't see any evidence of a new girl, but actually him just going about his life like he didn't just rip my heart out. That hurt like hell, AND I also got the bonus WTF of seeing that he hasn't changed his relationship status from "In A Relationship" since we broke up. So I'm obsessing over why he did/didn't do anything about that as well as feeling like crap because it seems like he's just fine and flipping dandy. Lesson learned at least, I'm staying far far way from him... So you're not alone in this crazy, self-bruising behavior. I've learned that the best thing to do is concentrate on today while looking forward to the day when none of these fools will even register in our hearts. Hang in there, it'll happen. 1
bigtrouble Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I'm a bit worst than you, I went through all the trouble to post a Pic of me Smiling on my profile, and try to see if she visits my page, though I begged and pleaded and all the worst things, I want her to see my smiling face there and not a single Emotional post about my heartaches.
Aint_Easy Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Treat this like an addiction. Tell yourself you absolutely can not check. I hadn't checked my exes stuff for two weeks and then I finally cracked Sunday. Checked stuff, and she was immediately on my mind again. I haven't checked anything since. You literally have to pretend they don't exist. It is the best way to get over them. I can tell you because in the past two weeks, I have done better than I had in the 6 weeks before that. 3
hoping2heal Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I know lots of people are against it, etc. It does hurt like hell and I do think checking up on the person constantly is just asking for trouble but As badly as it hurts, I think sometimes it's a good thing. In the sense that, seeing your ex moved on and enjoying their life (Whether with someone else or not) kind of jolts you into reality and shakes just about every false hope you might have had, even if they were false hopes hidden somewhere inside so deep even you didn't know they were there until they broke. Sometimes you have to face the ugly truth to give you closure. 3
seminoles84 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I know lots of people are against it, etc. It does hurt like hell and I do think checking up on the person constantly is just asking for trouble but As badly as it hurts, I think sometimes it's a good thing. In the sense that, seeing your ex moved on and enjoying their life (Whether with someone else or not) kind of jolts you into reality and shakes just about every false hope you might have had, even if they were false hopes hidden somewhere inside so deep even you didn't know they were there until they broke. Sometimes you have to face the ugly truth to give you closure. I agree to an extent. I think you have to limit how much you are willing to put yourself through. After checking up on them a few times, seeing they've moved on, and it effecting you negatively you have to just cut the cord and accept it, delete/block the urge to keep torturing yourself. You've seen they are moving on without you a few times, why keep it around to tempt you? To each their own though.
Eighty_nine Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I know lots of people are against it, etc. It does hurt like hell and I do think checking up on the person constantly is just asking for trouble but As badly as it hurts, I think sometimes it's a good thing. In the sense that, seeing your ex moved on and enjoying their life (Whether with someone else or not) kind of jolts you into reality and shakes just about every false hope you might have had, even if they were false hopes hidden somewhere inside so deep even you didn't know they were there until they broke. Sometimes you have to face the ugly truth to give you closure. this is what i believe, also. I think NC in terms of no texting, calling, 'liking', commenting etc is super important and must be followed through with to have a chance at moving on. but for each breakup i've been through i've continued to check on my exes pages now and then. I needed a dose of reality- their life is moving on without me- to help me accept things as they were. 2
JonjMie Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 this is what i believe, also. I think NC in terms of no texting, calling, 'liking', commenting etc is super important and must be followed through with to have a chance at moving on. but for each breakup i've been through i've continued to check on my exes pages now and then. I needed a dose of reality- their life is moving on without me- to help me accept things as they were. Yeah likewise I check in two girls I have had relationships with, damn social media is a pain in the arse. Has there ever been an incident where an ex has logged onto love shack and seen there Ex posting stuff about the relationship, long shot I know but possible.
ilovedmike Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I am the total opposite. I don't check anything because it hurts too much. Perhaps in this instance, pain rocks.
Seeker12 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Used to do that with whatsapp and my ex, but i found staying away from my phone really helped, eventually i stopped checking.
Standard-Fare Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I've had major setbacks on Facebook with exes from WAY long ago. I don't believe you ever truly reach that point where you're pleased to see an ex happy with a new person, however long it's been and however over it you feel. It's always at least a twinge unsettling. For me, I also found myself judging my exes for doing things that seemed "false" to the person I once knew. For example, one of my exes always tried to buck his family's trend of everyone becoming a lawyer, but years later, what is he now? A lawyer. Stuff like that, where you find things that seem completely contradictory to the values, humor or aspirations of that person you at one point knew so intimately. My only answer to this has been to get off Facebook entirely. The exes aren't my only reason, but they're a big part of it. I've had some trouble recently coming across exes on Instagram, but I decided to block them so it doesn't become an issue. 1
Chin Up Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 My ex doesn't use social media, but if he did..first thing I would have done would be the old delete-and-block and all my setting to "friends only" so they can't see my activity via mutual friends. Mostly so I wouldn't be able to see what he was doing, but also so he can't see what *I* am doing. I honestly haven't been up to much lately, but he doesn't need to know that haha. I'd rather have an air of mystery than feel like shiz seeing what he's up to. I can bet you she knows you're going to be looking at her stuff at random. Don't give her the satisfaction and delete/block her on everything. Stop worrying about what she's doing in her spare time and start filling up your own spare time with friends and fun. She posted pics of herself drinking tea. Her life sounds really "exciting". Go out and have as much fun and new experiences as you can! 1
Author Zzyxx Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) Thanks everyone so much for the responses and support! It was really helpful to hear everyone's stories, personal circumstances and feedback. I agree, that I guess I did it cause I subconsciously needed the pain nudge to kind of test where I was in terms of my pain threshold, which still isn't great, but I managed to go onto my day with minimal tears and no total breakdowns, so I suppose that must be some kind of progress. As for the blocking, we are not friends on any social media, and we only have one mutual friend left who has done a good job of not blatantly mentioning how she's doing. However, even though we are not friends, her instagram and twitter, which she posts most of her stuff on, are open to the entire internet public, so even if I blocked her on facebook, it wouldn't really do much good. She's never really liked social media, but she needs to keep a twitter and fbook for her job, so her instagram is really the only thing she maintains and keeps public, and I don't even have an instagram account, so there's not really anything I can do about that except will power. Still, a lot of people had great advice and comforting words, so I'd like to pay it forward. If anyone finds themselves in a moment of weakness wanting to stalk, I'd be happy if this thread became a place to talk other's down off the internet stalking ledge. Edited January 14, 2015 by Zzyxx left out words 1
hoping2heal Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I agree to an extent. I think you have to limit how much you are willing to put yourself through. After checking up on them a few times, seeing they've moved on, and it effecting you negatively you have to just cut the cord and accept it, delete/block the urge to keep torturing yourself. You've seen they are moving on without you a few times, why keep it around to tempt you? To each their own though. I agree. Once or twice (if you're really stubborn).
Aint_Easy Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Just going to add, I deleted my ex from everything, but she didn't. Why? She's just way too curious of a person. I posted a picture of myself yesterday because why not, thought I looked good lol. What do I wake up to? Ex liked the photo. Same girl who said "people only like "selfies" of the opposite sex if they're pining at something" lol the hypocrisy. Point is, by not blocking her, I STILL had to see her name. It's really up to you on what you can handle. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Dumpers are curious. They want to see that they made the right decision. An ex checking up on you means nothing, really... 2
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