Heart Ripped Into Shreds

[ilovedmike]

He told me he missed me today...

and I am unmoved.

This is how I know I am over him..

 

It's the same superficial bs it's always been..

You can't teach an old dog new tricks..

[ilovedmike]

So I gave Mike a chance to explain why he's distanced himself from me and he told me it was because I hurt him really bad but the REASON why I hurt him tells me that this should have ended a while ago.

 

First of all, a month ago, I accused him of something that wasn't true that involved another woman...He proved to me it wasn't true but in order to prove it to me, he had to ask the other woman's permission to send me the text between them. Anyways, I turned out being wrong and the other woman wrote me telling me that their relationship was platonic. I didn't mind that he was talking to another woman because I'm not particularly clingy. However, me losing my temper and going off on Mike the way I did, caused the other woman, (his friend) to distance herself from him. He felt he could relate to her and she was his "friend" and me and him were moreso romantic and plus I am 12 years younger than him. Anyways, he now has his guard up and he said in so many words that his feelings were hurt because I broke up his friendship by not coming to him first. He was angry that instead of going straight to him with what I was accusing him of, I went in public and trashed him.

 

He also told me that he might have cancer. So, that was the health problem he spoke of. I sort of don't feel bad about what I did between him and his friend because when he told me what he did, he confirmed for me that she meant more to him than I did anyways. This hurt my feelings and not only that but he turned me completely off and away so there's no going back. I asked him at the time why he just didn't tell me he was still bothered by what I did and he said because he didn't want to lose the both of us but I told him in so many words that he already did now.

 

..Because I am completely finished with him, romantically and to be honest, I don't want to be his friend. I don't want anything to do with him anymore and he's acting like a big baby and a brat because his "friend" stopped talking to him. The communication didn't even feel the ****ing same. Even though he told me that he missed me, that didn't matter because of all the things he said to me about his feelings for me were true, then another woman putting up her guard wouldn't have hurt him to a point where he stopped liking me and caring about me so much. I call BS. I do admit that I have a really bad temper and a nasty habit of trashing guys before I ask them directly because I think I am so right at the time...

 

Second of all, I told him that I think the lady liked him. He said she didn't but I know how women are and if she put up a guard after what happened between me and him then I can only conclude she got jealous that he's been entertaining me while he was talking to her. I didn't mind finding out they were friends but what I do mind is that I feel like he valued her over me when he told me I was the one he was crazy about...

 

This is a backhanded situation really. It's like you do something to a person and feel bad but then you find out that it would've suited them anyways.

 

So I got my closure and really, there is nothing more to discuss. I do need to learn how to handle my temper but I'm sort of grateful for going off on him because in some odd way, it revealed the truth about who he valued more.

 

Maybe I am being selfish but if I am, so be it. It's honestly just how I feel. Me and him will never talk again.

 

sayonara

Edited January 29, 2015 by ilovedmike