ilovedmike Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) Today I received a message that confirmed what I felt was coming for a week now. Mike used the classic line "It's not you, it's me." And maybe that is true but all I know right now is my heart feels like it's been trampled over a billion times. I've never connected with someone the way I've connected with Michael and it hasn't even been 24 hours since he's sent this to me and I already am missing him. He didn't tell me goodbye but he said he'd talk to me soon but I just cut all ties with him because I already know what "It's not you it's me." means. I feel someone else has come into the picture and I am so hurt. Even though Mike hurt my heart and told me he had deep feelings for me, I can't do any harm or think any harm because I want to be honest with myself. I just wish somehow Mike would be his old self and beg me not to leave and reassure me that it isn't another woman but I know it is. I will not stand in his way but now I am terribly heart broken and all I could think to do was to sign up to a forum and find other folks who are experiencing this like me. I am not used to this because I've never had my heartbroken before and I am extremely sensitive. Our bond was so intense and everything...but things have come up in his life..(health issues and job issues..but also another woman.) My family and friends think I am having an easy time with it but I am suffering and crying in private. I come off like I am tough and strong and over it but I am hurting so much and I miss Michael so bad. God. Words can't describe how terribly painful this was. Edited January 13, 2015 by ilovedmike
Light Breeze Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Hi, I'm really sorry for the pain you're experiencing right now. Take comfort in the fact that you will get better in time. It's really very hard being left alone especially for someone else. Trust me I know the feeling. What makes it harder is the fact that this is your first heartbreak. This is a defining moment in your life because you will learn about the painful side of life and love. Don't fret this will make you wiser and stronger. Nevertheless, keep being strong and always remember that it's his loss not yours, don't for anything degrade your own self worth, this is not your fault. It's ok to show strength but don't force yourself to feel happy if you're not. Your friends and family are your support system, talk to them, tell them what you're going through and they will understand, they will help you coddle you. This is also the time for you to focus on yourself. Love yourself, by taking care of your health and happiness. Take up some hobbies you normally wouldn't do, workout to get that bod you always wanted, pamper yourself. You deserve TLC. Go the no contact route. The despair your feeling will vanish when you eliminate the stimuli associated with your heartbreak. Stay strong and vent here people want to genuinely help. 2
Marco Valerio Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Hello friend: I'm sorry for you, I know how much it hurts. At least you know it was true feeling what you had for him. I'm sure you would have never change him as if he was a pair of old shoes, you should feel comforted in that, you've learned how to love deeply. I'm completely sure that everything you've learned with Mike is for a better purpose, for a true love. Remember, love is a two-way highway. The moment that the decision has been taken from his side, you should continue your own way, never looking back, because you never know what you might find in your path. You know you can find all the comfort you need right here, we'll be glad to listen to you. Best regards my friend. 2
JonjMie Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Hi, I'm so sorry, me saying it will get better doesn't cut it at the moment but we are thinking of you. Confide in your family, let it out, they want to be there for you, they will help you through this, I'm a 47 year old male and cried to my dad, he's been a rock, never thought it but parents love their kids, it's the best therapy you'll get. Take care of yourself, I haven't eaten for a week virtually and I've lost a few pounds but I've been snacking on healthy stuff and drinking water. I told my boss what happened and that wa the reason I was a miserable bastard so they cut me some slack. You won't be sleeping for a week now, catch it when you can, don't lie awake at night, get up, have a drink, log onto the forum, watch some TV, do a job in your place that needs doing. And I promise you you will start to come out of soon. Follow the NC route, don't text ring, stalk or reply to him if he messages you, that will just set you back and you'll have to redo all the work your just about to do. If your friens on facebook then unfriend him or deactivate the account whatever you find easier. 1
Author ilovedmike Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) Hello all. Thanks so much for your caring replies to me about this situation. This is my first heart break and even though it feels like the end of the world, emotionally, logically, I know that it's not. I do believe once I heal I may find the right guy for me or I will be happy being by myself. I am usually emotionally independent and I don't ever let guys do this to me but Mike was different. I am only 24 and Mike is 36 (with children, may I add..) so I imagine there may be more "Mikes" in the future until I fully know how love feels and what it looks like. I can't confide in my family because they are unsupportive in different ways. My younger sister who is 21, is like my best friend but she hated me talking about Mike. She couldn't stand it so much that it has driven a wedge between us. My dad is a racist and Mike is white so he wouldn't like it and my mom is too self absorbed to even listen to me. This forum is all I have. I did send Mike one last message but I had the account I sent him the message from scheduled to be deleted. Me and Mike were off and on because I did manage to cut contact with him a few times but I was never the one to come back, he was. Now I feel like it is really over and I don't want him to come back so I blocked him from everything so that he had NO WAY in contacting me when he was ready to have another "crutch." (I suspect that's what he's been using me as.) I wholeheartedly believe in the NC route and I believe I am strong enough to stay away now. He has to live with all of the lies he told me, not me. I will get over it but he will carry his cheating and manipulative ways to the grave and I also believe in Karma and she is a witch. Once again thanks and I apologize for typing so much. I know a lot of people hate reading long messages. Edited January 13, 2015 by ilovedmike 1
hurts2death Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 hi there. i had experience the exact same thing out of a 4year loving rl. please give it time. you ll have to go through this. the emotions will come and go its like a maturing process but painfull. please stay no contact for ever and dont ever let hope cross your mind. start by imaging you suffering? does yourself need this? does? i dont think so. after a year or two you wont feel sth about "mike" you will be free inside out. but you will feel sad for the lost innocence of you. i hate to say this but its true somehow. in most religions there is the one who betrays tha suffer at the end, so be glad you got dumped take care you will make it.
CALOVELY Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Hello all. Thanks so much for your caring replies to me about this situation. This is my first heart break and even though it feels like the end of the world, emotionally, logically, I know that it's not. I do believe once I heal I may find the right guy for me or I will be happy being by myself. I am usually emotionally independent and I don't ever let guys do this to me but Mike was different. I am only 24 and Mike is 36 (with children, may I add..) so I imagine there may be more "Mikes" in the future until I fully know how love feels and what it looks like. I can't confide in my family because they are unsupportive in different ways. My younger sister who is 21, is like my best friend but she hated me talking about Mike. She couldn't stand it so much that it has driven a wedge between us. My dad is a racist and Mike is white so he wouldn't like it and my mom is too self absorbed to even listen to me. This forum is all I have. I did send Mike one last message but I had the account I sent him the message from scheduled to be deleted. Me and Mike were off and on because I did manage to cut contact with him a few times but I was never the one to come back, he was. Now I feel like it is really over and I don't want him to come back so I blocked him from everything so that he had NO WAY in contacting me when he was ready to have another "crutch." (I suspect that's what he's been using me as.) I wholeheartedly believe in the NC route and I believe I am strong enough to stay away now. He has to live with all of the lies he told me, not me. I will get over it but he will carry his cheating and manipulative ways to the grave and I also believe in Karma and she is a witch. Once again thanks and I apologize for typing so much. I know a lot of people hate reading long messages. Is there a chance he was married? You mentioned kids and his on and off behavior so it got me wondering. That said, your heart will take time to heal. Take as best care of yourself as you can. Immerse yourself in activities and interests to take your mind off of things. 1
bigtrouble Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Keep strong girl, you did all that you can, now its time to heal, my Ex also gave me that classic line "Its not you, its me." well turned out she was cheating on me. She used me as a crutch in her transition relationship, and when she was absolutely 100% secure with her new found love, and she was emotionally checked out in our LTR, she threw me out like piece of used candy wrapper and ignores me. Save yourself the pain and don't beg, plead or chase, just go NC and heal, I did the wrong things and this brought them closer to each other, I did 7 days NC and broke down to text her, and my EX just posted a quote on FB just to hurt and spite me. Big mistake on my part, Go NC, NC, NC, heal, Never Break NC... 1
Author ilovedmike Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) I don't know if he is married or not but I do know that he got out of an intense relationship with a lady who was married and he was really hurt over her. However, I showed up during and since we have been off and on because of me. I cut contacts a few times with him, this is the first time he cut contact with me..if you guys read the message he sent you would probably think I am being a selfish b word but he lied to me about small things and when he wrote me I didn't feel any emotion through it the way I used to. I wasn't surprised to get the "email." He said "This isn't goodbye by any means." How could he say this to me? I range from feeling like I am able to move on to angry and vengeful to just flat out sad and hurt. 2 weeks ago he told me he's never felt as strong over someone else as he did me but after New Years, which I expected, "work" and "health" became such an issue. He asked me how I was doing a few days ago and I said I missed him and he didn't say it back and I caught it right there. Seeing another lady is not necessarily the issue its the fact he LIED to me and exaggerated his feelings for me and led me astray. That punctured my heart. He might as well have just stabbed it. :'( I sent him a message telling him I wouldn't bother him anymore before the heartbreaking email that brought me here.... This is the message Mike sent to me in response : " You aren't a bother. (My Name). You are a wonderful friend and big connection. I neeed to take a little while and refocus on things. There has been much turmoil in my life lately with health scares and job issues. This isn't goodbye by any means. It's "I'll see you again soon" . K? Please don't be upset..Nothing is your fault. I need to get my own head right and back to where it needs to be. My well being and health need attention and I must heed that. Keep smiling that wonderful smile and bright light and honesty. I'll talk to you soon." That's what he sent and I read it like, YEAH MY HEALTH AND JOB ARE PROBLEMS BUT THE REAL REASON I AM CUTTING CONTACT IS BECAUSE I AM NO LONGER INTERESTED AND I NEED A BREAK FROM YOU BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE IS BACK IN THE PICTURE. A person who didn't know him would probably look at that and say I am being selfish and cold but because of the way I am viewing it, it makes me angry and hurt. I would have respected it more if he would have just flat out said it instead of beating around the bush. He may have words with other women but he doesn't have a way with words with me. I am not stupid. This is why I cut contact and I do not plan on going back either because it will be evident I am being used. So, it is over either way. I just want my feelings to move forward already and I will be here until they do so. Edited January 13, 2015 by ilovedmike
Author ilovedmike Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 I keep swinging back and forth between feelings of moving on and feelings of revenge.
FancyFace Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 OP - The best revenge is a life well lived. It really is. When you are able to pick yourself up from the floor, dust yourself off and move on with your life, that is when you get the best revenge. You will think about him for a while but the name of the game is distraction. Visit friends and family, concentrate of work/school, indulge in your passions and hobbies, exercise and eat healthy, expand your social circle, dress up and pamper yourself. Basically get up, and get out there in the world and live your life to the fullest. I know you are hurting but it will get better. Time isnt the only healer, it is what you do with the time that matters.
bigtrouble Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Its typically normal what you feel, we may be different, I have been cheated on, but I'm not angry, there is no resentment or remorse, I just want her out of my heart and mind so I can move on. I know if I give into hate it would be a quicker way to recovery but you may bring emotional baggage when the right person comes along. Trust is hard to come these days, I have to approach life and love a new way and put all things in the past. I am weak and all I can say we all feel the same way, we gotta look out for number 1, ourselves. He does have a way with words and you are smart enough to see the underlying truth in them. Don't dwell too much in them, he's gonna keep on contacting you to keep you on the hook and will only reset your healing. If he really wants you let him work for it, you're a prize catch if not he wouldn't be bothering to keep you around. You deserve more, give yourself a break.
Pastel Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) It's okay to feel sad about the relationship. You're not weak for crying about it. You need to go through the mourning process in order to heal. If it makes you feel any better, I think he's a scumbag for not breaking up with you in person. At the very least you deserved a phone call. It says a lot about his character. Edited January 14, 2015 by Pastel 1
Author ilovedmike Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 Thank you all so very much. As the days go by the recovery process seems to be getting easier but I am just feeling that way for now. My logic is that, why should I be hurt over a man who is not the kind of man I want to be with anyways? I think I am missing a man who doesn't exist because I believed a lie. Therefore, if it never existed, I was in love with an illusion. So that helps to put it that way a little bit I guess. I don't think crying is weak at all, it's giving in and begging that shows our weakness because in those moments we can't hold back. Revenge is also weakness and I highly doubt I'm gonna go through with it. I am just going through the motions like some of you have said. Big Trouble, that's very great to hear. I hope you can get her out of your heart and mind soon and that we call can move on and be happy with the "right" one which is hard to find these days. (IMO)
bigtrouble Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Thank you all so very much. As the days go by the recovery process seems to be getting easier but I am just feeling that way for now. My logic is that, why should I be hurt over a man who is not the kind of man I want to be with anyways? I think I am missing a man who doesn't exist because I believed a lie. Therefore, if it never existed, I was in love with an illusion. So that helps to put it that way a little bit I guess. I don't think crying is weak at all, it's giving in and begging that shows our weakness because in those moments we can't hold back. Revenge is also weakness and I highly doubt I'm gonna go through with it. I am just going through the motions like some of you have said. Big Trouble, that's very great to hear. I hope you can get her out of your heart and mind soon and that we call can move on and be happy with the "right" one which is hard to find these days. (IMO) Yeah we got our hearts ripped almost at the same time, maybe down the road will be smiling and happy looking back distant memories, we are so lucky we found LS... we find strength here and inspiration to move on...
Author ilovedmike Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 I hope you are right because I am tired of my up & down emotions. Some days I feel like I can move forward but today is one of the more harder days where I just want to lay around and cry. I've got things to do so I won't but my heart is really heavy and I am hurt and angry at Mike. I am screaming in my head "WHY THE **** DID YOU WANT TO HURT ME?!! WHY'D YOU LIE?!" Like...He was so intoxicating and so "something" I can't find the word for it. I just wish I could wake up with amnesia and completely forget his existence. I keep thinking about his eyes and his words and just everything! Ugh. no..
Author ilovedmike Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 I'm starting to second guess myself and wonder if I made the right choice. I don't know if he was lying about his health or not. I just went off my gut feeling and he's told white lies in the past but certain things about my theory doesn't add up. What if I was wrong and I hurt his feelings? I still don't feel in my gut I was but what if.. Also, I am missing Michael like CRAZY today. I'm so ****ing sad today.
bigtrouble Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I'm starting to second guess myself and wonder if I made the right choice. I don't know if he was lying about his health or not. I just went off my gut feeling and he's told white lies in the past but certain things about my theory doesn't add up. What if I was wrong and I hurt his feelings? I still don't feel in my gut I was but what if.. Also, I am missing Michael like CRAZY today. I'm so ****ing sad today. Every BU someone always gets hurt, its only normal. Think of yourself, its part of your recovery. You are doing well now. Just keep it up. Focus on yourself. Its easy to miss them, I miss my Ex everyday.
Author ilovedmike Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Every BU someone always gets hurt, its only normal. Think of yourself, its part of your recovery. You are doing well now. Just keep it up. Focus on yourself. Its easy to miss them, I miss my Ex everyday. Right but the reason why I cut Mike off was because I thought he was lying about his condition but I'm saying things have been seemingly like he may have been telling the truth.. So I'm saying if I was wrong, I cut him off for no reason maybe.. I guess I'm just going through a "it wasn't so bad" phase and forgot how it really was. I'm not sure. However, if it turns out I was wrong and he's in critical condition, I'll feel like a cold mother****er. And that's not who I am.
sober and dry Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Well... That doubt can blow up in your face quite bad... Can't you know how he really is doing without contacting him or his family? Despise all the bad things that happened between you two, he's still a human being with whom you cared about a lot.
noob_saibot Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 yes, there more than likley is another woman, and yes he probably will have sex with her. now you know the worst of the worst. number 1, get rid of everything that has to do with mike, pictures., numbers, social media. items. step 2. have your alone time. and yes surf the web for the answers you seek. i too have read every break up post known to google, more than once, after about a month of reading you eventually get tired. 3 avoid drugs or alchohal. in some cases smoking pot is good if it helps you sleep. i can even suggest getting anti depressents from a doctor., only if you stop eating n fall into a deep depression,. its hard, i have been there, night mare, ive lost 40 poundes n became a drug addict/alchoholic because of break ups. and i turned my life around, dont let it bring you down hill. the number one secret to get your ex to come back, even if you dont want them back. sit back,. crack a beer. buy a video game that you become addicted too, to help keep your mind busy. and just laugh about mike. dont contact him, if you have to, smash your cell phone or change your number. dumpers come back, they always do, ALWAYS. dont take any bread crumbs. or fall for tricks. mike will realize that he F ed up. then the tables turn, are you gonna take his B!tchazz back when he crawls back.
Author ilovedmike Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) First off, I really love your name, Noob Saibot because I love Mortal Kombat! It's one of my favorite games. My favorite character is Raiden. Secondly, before I saw these messages, I actually broke the NC rule and apologized if I came off as cold to his health problems if that were the case. He hasn't signed onto hangouts in a week since he told me something was wrong.. I truly did feel like an ass for not acknowledging it. He did mention that he had a type of Cancer a while ago that was healed so he may have been honest about that. This might confuse you guys but here's the thing : I do get a little jealous but another woman was never my issue. People can't help how they feel and if he found interest in another woman, I could not blame him or be angry about him at that, alone. My issue was him trying to break things off with me without being open and honest about it. Lying. I can't stand liars. If he had come to me and said "I've found someone else and they've been taking of more of my time" I would have been a little hurt and jealous, yes but I would have respected that. I cut him off for speculative reasons and I do feel like 8/10 I'm right. Also, I don't contact his family. I don't know them and I'm not looking to pry to get to know them necessarily. I just go with the flow. I'm that type of woman. I don't interfere in his personal business like that. The only way I'd be able to find out if he was doing okay is if he logged onto hangouts or if I got creepy like a stalker and started snooping and such but I'm not like that. I try to allow as much freedom for guys as I can because I get scared of smothering them. Edited January 19, 2015 by ilovedmike
Author ilovedmike Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Hello all! I came back to say that it is official! I am completely OVER Michael! I no longer have ANY feelings for him! I feel like I've come out of some type of trance and now, I am not attracted or anything to him! I thought I'd never see the day where this would happen but I applied myself and moved on. I guess all I needed was to say my peace and tell him I didn't mean to be so cold...Coz after that, I started feeling relieved. I don't miss him or anything. Thanks to all of you guys for contributing here to my post. I appreciated it. <3
Rainoflight Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Hello all! I came back to say that it is official! I am completely OVER Michael! I no longer have ANY feelings for him! I feel like I've come out of some type of trance and now, I am not attracted or anything to him! I thought I'd never see the day where this would happen but I applied myself and moved on. I guess all I needed was to say my peace and tell him I didn't mean to be so cold...Coz after that, I started feeling relieved. I don't miss him or anything. Thanks to all of you guys for contributing here to my post. I appreciated it. <3 Really good to see this post. Keep on doing the good work you do with yourself, you need to keep that in mind that you are just at the start of the road. Maybe he will contact you again, maybe he will not. But remember this: A person that said that to you once, will say it again at some point. At some time in life, he will say again the its not you its me.
Author ilovedmike Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Really good to see this post. Keep on doing the good work you do with yourself, you need to keep that in mind that you are just at the start of the road. Maybe he will contact you again, maybe he will not. But remember this: A person that said that to you once, will say it again at some point. At some time in life, he will say again the its not you its me. Haha, he won't say that to me again because I have moved on. I don't care if he contacts me or not at this point. I already have a crush on someone else now.
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