eh1987 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Hi, So, I was dating a man for a little over a year, he played happy families with my 2 kids, he spoiled me, treated me like gold and my kids even better...he was amazing. I found out that he in fact living with his fiancé....my heart was shattered when she called to inform me, I confronted him and he assured me that yes they still live together but no nothing was happening and he loved me....move on another 3 months and stupid me is still with him, I found out that they actually brought a house together. We are no longer together but he came to see me last week and he was in tears telling me how much i mean to him...then off he went back home to this women who he still claims means nothing to him...and now im sitting here 3 days into no contact with the last thing from him being a message "im so sorry" im hurting, im frustrated and im angry he fed me lies of marriage, family and most importantly forever, how do I deal with the pain im feeling, the resentment, will he come back, he claimed he would never let me walk away but 3days and nothing....any advice would be really appreciated.
Chin Up Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 BRUTAL! If they do it with you, they will do it to you. Do you really want to be her right now? Engaged to a guy you found out was cheating for a year? Oh, enjoy that marriage where you will constantly be worrying what he's doing and who he's with. You don't want to be that girl! You want to be the girl that's the ONLY girl in the eyes of your man. yeah! You also don't want to be the "other woman" so if he tries to talk you into that, I really do hope you have the integrity and self worth to tell him to go eff himself. I know you love him and it hurts, but he's shown you that he doesn't have much regard for being faithful and committed. He's also a liar, oh and screwed the both of you around. Shame on him! You can do better! God almighty does cheating ever piss me off. I don't get people. Is it that hard to keep your P or your V in your pants? He tricked you. 6
Author eh1987 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 My ex husband also cheated on me with 5 different women, started when I was pregnant with our first child, it's hard because at this point I am questioning if my loyalty and respect for the wrong men has damaged me more then I like to admit. This man has completely ripped apart my family (my kids are 6 and 4) and it has them asking questions, they miss who they thought he was, i suppose I do to. I am in pain as he said so many times "your my soul, I cant live without you" and "i will never let you walk away" but to let me walk away so hurt, emotional screwed and with two kids who look at him through innocent eyes is so hard, just need a way to stop feeling the way I do and I guess I need to accept that I am ment to learn a lesson of sorts...
Light Breeze Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 This guy is a scumbag of the highest order just as your ex H is. Something tells me you were not the first to have experienced this from him, I wouldn't be surprised. Important thing is you at least know what he was about before he can wreak more havoc to your heart and your kids. Take comfort in that. Please, please don't blame yourself for this. Many people who have been cheated on are too hard on themselves for not seeing the truth about their partners. This is not your fault it was theirs alone. There are plenty good men out there who will cherish you, don't lose faith. Now, focus on yourself and your kids, they are your light, loves, and hope. Love yourself and them. Be happy with yourself because at the end of the day the one who will stay with you til the end is YOU. Cut all contact with your ex (NC). Block all text/calls/emails/social media from him. Reject any attempt to communicate with you. Call her fiance if he persists in contacting you. Stay strong!
EgoJoe Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I myself have been cheated on and I sympathize with you. Do yourself a favor and block now before you get dragged back in. Read some of my history. I've gone through the gamut of emotions. I had some surprising revelations during my own path back to objectivity. Focus on self care and tell yourself that you love yourself every time a negative thought occurs. Time is on your side. You are strong, you are brave enough to introspect. 1
Marco Valerio Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 The hard thing is not cheating twice, it's cheating once. Once they've gone along that path...there's no way back. I'm sorry for your pain, loving a cheating partner is never easy.
Author eh1987 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 I need my heart to catch up to my head. It is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. The hardest part is accepting that he did not fight for me because he was fighting for her...I have to realise "it was not that I am not worth the fight, he isn't worth the fight" 1
bigtrouble Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Mr.Right and Mr.Perfect always have something to hide. Good thing you found out about it, go NC, in time you will meet a man not so perfect and not so right, but will love you for the rest of your life.
Ieris Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 When something like this happens, you learn not to believe everything someone tells you, words are just words. There may be some truth in what they say but then it could all be lies. Lots of people come on here saying, "but he/she said this or that" but none of that matters because you cannot hold on to yesterday. Maybe they meant what they said at the time, but fast forward 1 week, 1 months, 1 year etc. All those "I love you", "I want to be with you forever", "I promise..." will be irrelevant and dissolve into the meaningless. His words and actions don't match, his words therefore mean nothing. Cut him off and don't listen/believe any more of his lies and crocodile tears. Don't make this easy for him, don't let him lean on you to ease his guilt. Cut the cord and let him fall, let him deal with the consequences not you. You are not missing out on anything if you lose him. Let her have him, I don't think anyone would be dumb enough to want to be in her position. If I was you, I would feel sorry for her. Lots of people will feel that they lost to the other woman/man but this has nothing to do with the other person, they are a victim just as much as you are. He is toxic and you don't want anything like that in your life or around your kids. 2
me85 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 On a serious note, you just have to accept things as they are and continue to get up everyday and live life as usual. If you're able, dive into something new, healthy and inspiring. Anything good for you. Start a journal. Writing helps me a lot. When I do it. I don't as much as I used to. On a lighter note, alcohol.
Author eh1987 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 You guys are really helping me with the kind words, some days I know are going to be tough and some I'll be thankful, it is just hard to see through my eyes not the eyes of someone looking in on the situation. I have accepted what he has done now i just need to accept the pain and deal with it
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