spaceunicorn Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 So I have been seeing a guy from OKC since mid-october, in December things started gradually getting more serious. Talking everyday, hanging out 4 or 5 times a week, making future plans, etc. I had no doubt that he was very much into me but he was still on OKC very regularly and it bothered me. (His last gf caught him talking to other women online while he was stationed overseas.) Last Tuesday I noticed he updated his main profile photo on there. I was hurt of course and confronted him about it and he told me I was being silly. This only infuriated me more and I told him "clearly we aren't on the same page and probably never will be". He normally replies very quickly and said nothing to that. Two days later on Thursday at 2am, I get a "I'm sorry" text. I told him "Sorry doesn't fix the fact that you're constantly searching for something better online." Again nothing in reply. And today I notice that he's deleted or disabled his profile but has said nothing to me since the I'm sorry text. I know he is waiting for me to ask what happened to his profile but all my girlfriends are saying not to say anything to him, because he's being immature and knows where to find me if he wants to have an adult conversation. It seems just as immature to continue to ignore him though. I don't know, any opinions?
ascendotum Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 At least he smartened up after his lame 'you're being silly' response. You can bet your arse if found out you were updating your profile/photo on a dating site 3 mths into dating you, he would be pissed. You busted him. It does not necessarily mean he was cheating but plenty of people will get addicted to just seeing what other options they might have or get off on the validation of others showing interest in them. That's the better scenario though. The person could still be going on dates looking for a better thing or sleeping around. He is not saying anything about deactivating his profile as I'm sure he knows you are keeping tabs on it. I don't think you need to ask whats happened to it. Just resume normal conversation like its back to business as usual unless you want to get stuck into him more on how he views your relationship since he's giving mixed signals by still fishing for attention on OKC. If your gfs use one of the other OLD sites maybe have them keep any eye out.
Author spaceunicorn Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Thanks for the insight. I really don't think he's dating or sleeping with anyone else but it's a real possibility that he was talking to other women online. Which yes, is definitely sending mixed signals!
PegNosePete Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Why do you even want a conversation with a douche like this? You said it: clearly you're not on the same page and probably never will be. He did the same thing to his ex and clearly has not changed. Dump and move on. 3
Author spaceunicorn Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Wowee, harsh words but valid point I suppose.
kendahke Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 So I have been seeing a guy from OKC since mid-october, in December things started gradually getting more serious. Talking everyday, hanging out 4 or 5 times a week, making future plans, etc. I had no doubt that he was very much into me but he was still on OKC very regularly and it bothered me. (His last gf caught him talking to other women online while he was stationed overseas.) Last Tuesday I noticed he updated his main profile photo on there. I was hurt of course and confronted him about it and he told me I was being silly. This only infuriated me more and I told him "clearly we aren't on the same page and probably never will be". He normally replies very quickly and said nothing to that. Two days later on Thursday at 2am, I get a "I'm sorry" text. I told him "Sorry doesn't fix the fact that you're constantly searching for something better online." Again nothing in reply. And today I notice that he's deleted or disabled his profile but has said nothing to me since the I'm sorry text. I know he is waiting for me to ask what happened to his profile but all my girlfriends are saying not to say anything to him, because he's being immature and knows where to find me if he wants to have an adult conversation. It seems just as immature to continue to ignore him though. I don't know, any opinions? He may have blocked you from seeing his profile. You can either gather your grace and dignity and move on and find someone who isn't still looking for someone or you can take the lame approach and create an new profile to see if you can access it, but then, that will confirm to you what you already know: he's still looking for someone else and that person isn't you.
Author spaceunicorn Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 I have a couple friends on OKC, his profile is indeed gone.
Author spaceunicorn Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Lol, one would hope he has higher standards than POF
PegNosePete Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 If my gf were maintaining an active OLD profile, updating it with new pics and quite obviously still looking around for a "better offer", I wouldn't be defending her "standards" Even if it's gone now, it's only because he got caught. Getting caught doesn't give some morals or make them committed... 2
mammasita Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I'm confused about how you knew he "very much into you" based on his actions. Is it because you guys were having sex? - he was still actively browsing and updating his OLD account the entire time you were together. - he did the same thing to his ex. 1
mammasita Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Lol, one would hope he has higher standards than POF POF and OKC are the same. One has a fancier GUI. MEH
Author spaceunicorn Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Agree to disagree, POF seems like the trailer trash of online dating to me. Having said that, OKC is quickly going downhill.
mammasita Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Agree to disagree, POF seems like the trailer trash of online dating to me. Having said that, OKC is quickly going downhill. Well, considering you find the exact same people on both sites......call it what you will. 3
Gaeta Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Last Tuesday I noticed he updated his main profile photo on there. Updating a profile means he is hoping that will get him more and new attention from the ladies. It is far from being trivial. I was hurt of course and confronted him about it and he told me I was being silly. He is belittling your feelings, dismissing them as being unimportant. He is also turning the table on you so your behavior becomes the subject of discussion and not his fishy behavior. This only infuriated me more and I told him "clearly we aren't on the same page and probably never will be". He normally replies very quickly and said nothing to that. Two days later on Thursday at 2am, I get a "I'm sorry" text. I told him "Sorry doesn't fix the fact that you're constantly searching for something better online." Again nothing in reply. That is a very very poor and lazy attempt on his part at keeping your attention. If you meant something to him he'd be recognizing his fault on the spot and asking for your forgiveness. And today I notice that he's deleted or disabled his profile but has said nothing to me since the I'm sorry text. Sand in your eyes. He probably has another one going with no pictures for the time being. I know he is waiting for me to ask what happened to his profile but all my girlfriends are saying not to say anything to him, because he's being immature and knows where to find me if he wants to have an adult conversation. It seems just as immature to continue to ignore him though. I don't know, any opinions? You have nothing to do ! HE is at fault, he is the one who needs to fix this with you, and he needs to be VERY convincing, very apologetic, and he better take out his whole artillery to get your forgiveness. Ok that being said. You and him ever had a conversation about taking your profile down? dating exclusively? or did you assume since you spent more time together and sleeping together you were official?
Author spaceunicorn Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Thank you Gaeta! Your response has been the most sensible and helpful so far. This is basically what my girlfriends were saying to me. I want to be with someone that feels lucky to have me in their life and makes some effort and doesn't see me as just "good enough for now". To answer your question, we never had a talk about being official and I never assumed we were but he referred to us as a couple, "his" and introduced me to his grandmother (she helped raise him). So I did assume we were on our way to being "official".
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Just so you know, he could have opened a new one on OKC in 2 seconds. That happened to me.
Author spaceunicorn Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Yeah, the perils of online dating...ain't it grand? I've decided at this point to not say anything. If he can't speak to me and sincerely apologize, than I don't want him in my life.
Destined2B Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 To answer your question, we never had a talk about being official and I never assumed we were but he referred to us as a couple, "his" and introduced me to his grandmother (she helped raise him). So I did assume we were on our way to being "official". Unless you have the exclusivity talk, you can't assume anything.
Author spaceunicorn Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 No argument there, unfortunately sometimes you can't help yourself
Author spaceunicorn Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 So just an update for anyone interested: I stupidly did not take the advice that was given to me on here and instead asked him if he wanted to talk. I know, I know.... He apologized and did make an effort the next several weeks to step up his game but then he got distant recently and last night he drops the bombshell that he is not over his ex (also the mother of his child), he said he didn't want to hurt me or waste my time because he'd basically drop everything for the ex if given the chance. The honesty is appreciated I guess but would have been nicer to know a month ago and not the day after Valentine's. Lesson learned, listen to the forum posters when you ask for advice folks!
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