misty12 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I know this probably sounds so trivial, but my husband monopolizes the TV all the time with his xbox and movies. He will literally play a game morning, day and night. He played all weekend long and I didn't use the TV once. When I asked to watch one of my shows tonight, he was mad that I wanted to watch it before eating dinner instead of while eating dinner when he can't play his xbox anyway, because he now has to waste 2 hours (the hour I am watching the show, and then the hour during dinner he can't play his game). I feel like I have to negotiate for TV time. Yes we have another TV in the bedroom but I dont' like hanging out in the bedroom when I'm not sleeping or about to go to sleep. Is this normal in a relationship?
Gloria25 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) I both mum and I have recliner chairs in our bedrooms...the other room also has lounge chairs....so, we can chill and watch TV in our rooms. Maybe it's time to consider investing in a small recliner and/or rocker chair and put in your bedroom. I and my pets love mine. I eat in it, chill, read, sleep, watch TV - all without disturbing the other rooms. We were poor and grew up with one TV. The TV was usually in my dad's bedroom. Even after they could afford a 2nd TV for the living room, my dad controlled it. I guess that's why I grew up obsessed with having my own home w/a TV in every room. Edited January 13, 2015 by Gloria25 1
preraph Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I only watch tv in the bedroom. If you don't want to lay down and have room, put a chair in there. I wouldn't be able to fit a big chair in mine though and it's not really tiny or anything, so I know it's not always easy to find a place to put a chair where you can see the tv as well. Might have to move the tv. No, it's not fair he's monopolizing that tv, though. But rather than have a big fight, make your bed real comfortable and put your tv up high. Maybe tell your man you'll need either a tall tv stand or a wardrobe to put the tv on top of so you can lay down and watch comfortably. I put my small tv on top of my bookcase and it touches the ceiling and I angle it forward from the top so it's the right angle. That way when I'm laying down, it's right in my line of vision. So make some changes to make it comfortable to watch in the bedroom unless you want to stand your ground and tell him he gets the living room tv one week and you get it the next. I'd probably have thrown the XBox out the window by now if I'd complained about it and not gotten any compromise, but that's just one of the many reasons I'm not married!
Gloria25 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Umm...I don't know if you'd call it "monopolizing" the main TV. I mean, lots of people put most of their electronic "stuff" with the main TV. Fortunately, I hooked up DVD/CD players pretty much every room. You can even play music in one of the bedrooms (my "den/play/guest" room) or in the main room. My siblings have their homes set up the same way. The main TV is where they have all the Xbox, games, video playing stuff, etc. In the bedroom is where they'll have like a small TV with a DVD player. 2
ktya Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 If hes going to play that much xbox he should be the one in the bedroom. I have an xbox and when i get going, sometimes ill play all day. Sometimes i wont touch it for a few weeks. The living room is a social area. He probably prefers the main TV because its the better TV and the sound system is better, which is why its in there. Offer to put the main TV in the bedroom with the xbox and bring the other TV out. Your excuse is that xbox and movies is not a social activity where as watching a sports game or the news is, that he plays xbox sometimes all day and you just want use of the living room without tiptoeing around the tv not wanting to get in the way of his game. Offering to swap tvs will probably work. And a comfy chair in he bedroom is a great idea. I put one in thinking id never use it and i use it almost every day. 2
ktya Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Umm...I don't know if you'd call it "monopolizing" the main TV. I mean, lots of people put most of their electronic "stuff" with the main TV. Fortunately, I hooked up DVD/CD players pretty much every room. You can even play music in one of the bedrooms (my "den/play/guest" room) or in the main room. My siblings have their homes set up the same way. The main TV is where they have all the Xbox, games, video playing stuff, etc. In the bedroom is where they'll have like a small TV with a DVD player. Lol my house is the same way 1
Toodaloo Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Can't you turn a room into his "den" or his space and get it all set up in there for him? I would not expect someone to accept behaviour from me nor would I find this acceptable. he has just "taken over" the main relaxation room in the house. What happens if you want to turn the TV off and read a book instead? Sorry but I find this to be really selfish behaviour and also why I think that if a guy is into video games etc he should have a space set up especially for it so he can do it in peace and comfort with out mucking up the main family space. 1
PegNosePete Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Tell him you want 50/50 TV time. If he says no, when he goes to bed or goes out, install a parental lock on his Xbox to restrict his play time. If he's going to act like a kid he can be treated like one. 2
Gloria25 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Tell him you want 50/50 TV time. If he says no, when he goes to bed or goes out, install a parental lock on his Xbox to restrict his play time. If he's going to act like a kid he can be treated like one. Oh wow....^^ If I was a guy reading this, I wouldn't wanna ever get married. Well, even as a single female, this is one reason I live alone and got my own place. I don't need a "mommy" to tell me what I can/cannot do in my home. 1
PegNosePete Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 You might not Gloria, but this guy obviously does. He doesn't know how to communicate or compromise. 2
ktya Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Tell him you want 50/50 TV time. If he says no, when he goes to bed or goes out, install a parental lock on his Xbox to restrict his play time. If he's going to act like a kid he can be treated like one. This is a bad idea. A gaming junkie like this guy could lose it so bad it could lead to an unnecessesarily dangerous situation. Passive agressive behavior like this should be reserved for a last resort after all other options are exhausted. 1
Gloria25 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 You might not Gloria, but this guy obviously does. He doesn't know how to communicate or compromise. But why can't "she" compromise? She just wants to lounge and watch TV. Then put a reclining/rocker chair in the bedroom. They sell those chairs in small sizes you know - it won't take up much room in the bedroom. I have one in my room and my mum's room. Actually, I'm reclining in mine right now and responding to this thread. I didn't believe in moving the Xbox from the main room cuz now a days video games are so much a "group" thing that sometimes when people come over, they'll even play video games with you, do karaoke, even those dancing games. Oh, and some video games are used to play DVDs. But then again, I believe in sort of a "den" room. That's what I did with one of my bedrooms. I'd go there and watch TV with the dog and fart and drink beer. When siblings come over to visit, I'd have them play video games there. When guests come to sleep over, that's the room they use. I don't want people frequenting and/or soiling the main living room. That's where I want to entertain guests. So, in the OP's case, maybe he can turn the bedroom into his little "gamer" room and they put the reclining chair in there for him, cuz, again, for me, turning the main/living room into a "play area" is a no-go for me. If he was gaming and people came over, where would I be able to entertain the guests? So, a mature and detailed convo needs to take place here...not "treating him like he's a kid".
Emilia Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Is this normal in a relationship? Having addiction issues you mean? 3
Gloria25 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 You know, this thread speaks towards the crap men have to face when living with a woman... Believe it or not, the woman dominates the home. We decorate it to our tastes and clean it. We use it mostly cuz we are - as the matriarchs - are the ones who socialize and our "home" is what we use for it. Men, to keep their masculinity and sanity need their "man's cave". They need that part of the home that still looks and feels "masculine" where they can be a "guy". That's also why I believe in "guy time". Women should allow their guys to go and have beers with the guys and let him recharge his "guy" batteries. Same way women should go to the mall, beauty salon, and manicures with the girls. Again, I think what is needed here is communication and respect for the sexes. Shoot, the "childish" behavior some people think this guy is doing is probably him sort of "marking" his territory in the home. WOMEN - A man commits to you and gives you an entire freakin' home...is it too hard to just give him space in it? Geesh, men take so much crap. I mean, even in their own home, a woman reduces him to a "den", "garage" as the only place in his whole home that actually reflects him and his manliness...IMO, that's freakin humiliating. But, that's men, they just wanna make the woman happy and sacrifice a lot.
serial muse Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 You know, this thread speaks towards the crap men have to face when living with a woman... Believe it or not, the woman dominates the home. We decorate it to our tastes and clean it. We use it mostly cuz we are - as the matriarchs - are the ones who socialize and our "home" is what we use for it. Men, to keep their masculinity and sanity need their "man's cave". They need that part of the home that still looks and feels "masculine" where they can be a "guy". That's also why I believe in "guy time". Women should allow their guys to go and have beers with the guys and let him recharge his "guy" batteries. Same way women should go to the mall, beauty salon, and manicures with the girls. Again, I think what is needed here is communication and respect for the sexes. Shoot, the "childish" behavior some people think this guy is doing is probably him sort of "marking" his territory in the home. WOMEN - A man commits to you and gives you an entire freakin' home...is it too hard to just give him space in it? Geesh, men take so much crap. I mean, even in their own home, a woman reduces him to a "den", "garage" as the only place in his whole home that actually reflects him and his manliness...IMO, that's freakin humiliating. But, that's men, they just wanna make the woman happy and sacrifice a lot. Uh...this is assuming an awful lot about the OP's situation, like that it's "his" house and she's taking it over or reducing him to a den or whatever. Can't we just maybe stick to the story she's actually telling instead of projecting all over it while standing on a soapbox?? What on God's green Earth does any of that stuff have to do with the OP's actual question? If anything she's the one being sent to a "den" while he dominates the house. Yes? I won't even get into the idea that she owes him something because he committed to her. She committed to him too. So what? Does everybody get a medal for that? Common courtesy is due in both directions, regardless. So. The thread states this: Her husband plays videogames in the living room all day/weekend long, and she'd like to use the living room TV once in a while. He gets grumpy when she asks to, and she's annoyed by that. End of. None of that other stuff is even applicable to her, so let's brush it all aside. OP, I think you do need to have a straight talk with your husband about sharing. I doubt PegNosePete was wholly serious about putting a child lock on the Xbox, but yes, your husband is being childish about this. But I'd say treat him like an adult: Explain your position, and ask how you two can resolve this so that you feel you get time on the TV without it becoming a fight. Doesn't sound like you're even asking for 50/50, just sanctioned time where you don't have to deal with him being Childish McGrumperson about it. Obviously, mid-game isn't the time to bring it up. But since you're both not playing/watching while you're eating dinner, maybe dinnertime is the time for a heart to heart. 7
PegNosePete Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 But why can't "she" compromise? She just wants to lounge and watch TV. Did you read the OP? She said she wanted to watch 1 programme for 1 hour before dinner, but he got mad. I don't see anywhere that says she wants more than 50% access to the TV. She IS compromising a lot already. 2
evanescentworld Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 And let's please acknowledge that there is such a thing as gaming addiction, and it sounds, by the OP's post, as if her H may well be flying close to that, if not there already... misty12, what happens if you have guests? Does he quit using the TV, or does he use the tv in your room, and leave the guests with you? Do you ever actually have guests?
Art_Critic Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 If it were me I'd be at Best Buy tonight picking up a new 50 Inch TV for myself and move his aside.. .. screw compromise in this case as it will never happen. You could go scorch earth on him and make him take it to another room and if he needs another TV in order to do that then let him get it.. I really can't see this getting worked out unless they just split up with their own TV's... he is a game addict and that is going to come first.
MissBee Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Umm...I don't know if you'd call it "monopolizing" the main TV. Of course it is. If you are playing games morning noon and night ALL day, ALL WEEKEND and no one else can watch it that's called monopolizing it. For me personally the kind of man who is going to play games day and night all day everyday isn't my cup of tea. I don't even have a tv. I watch all my shows online. Anyway, OP, I don't think the solution is for you to just do something else. I was going to suggest that you can just watch your shows online or on your bedroom tv, but that doesn't address the problem of your husband's selfishness and all day game playing. I agree with the advice that although he is being childish, treat him like an adult and sit him down and discuss the tv-sharing with him to see if a compromise can be made. 1
Gloria25 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Did you read the OP? She said she wanted to watch 1 programme for 1 hour before dinner, but he got mad. I don't see anywhere that says she wants more than 50% access to the TV. She IS compromising a lot already. Ok, the fact she only wants the TV for one hour shows that this is not about the TV, this is a power play. Why can't she just take the 1-2 hr and watch it in the bedroom? Cuz, this is not about the TV, this is about her pulling him away from the main TV. Look, if she has an issue with his gaming, then say that. But I bet ya it's not the gaming either...she probably wants attention. Chris Rock and even a Family Guy mad jokes about this - which is, a woman just can't let you be happy doing something without her (i.e. masturbating, "guy time"). Again, it's too easy for her to just watch the show in the bedroom. Just cuz he uses the main TV for hours on end doesn't mean she's "entitled" to order him to step away from it - especially when there's a TV in the bedroom.... Geesh
MidwestUSA Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Cuz, this is not about the TV, this is about her pulling him away from the main TV. Look, if she has an issue with his gaming, then say that. But I bet ya it's not the gaming either...she probably wants attention. Geesh OMG, I never thought of that, a woman wanting her husband's attention. 4
CALOVELY Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Ok, the fact she only wants the TV for one hour shows that this is not about the TV, this is a power play. Why can't she just take the 1-2 hr and watch it in the bedroom? Cuz, this is not about the TV, this is about her pulling him away from the main TV. Look, if she has an issue with his gaming, then say that. But I bet ya it's not the gaming either...she probably wants attention. Chris Rock and even a Family Guy mad jokes about this - which is, a woman just can't let you be happy doing something without her (i.e. masturbating, "guy time"). Again, it's too easy for her to just watch the show in the bedroom. Just cuz he uses the main TV for hours on end doesn't mean she's "entitled" to order him to step away from it - especially when there's a TV in the bedroom.... Geesh This is not about the television. This is about his unwillingness to compromise in any way. That is the much, much larger issue. Her going in the bedroom to watch t.v in a big chair will not resolve his selfishness and refusal to act like a partner in the marriage. OP, you need to let your feelings be known. He is acting incredibly immature and his inability to share most likely is or will spill over in to other areas of your marriage. What do you plan to do about this? 1
CALOVELY Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 You know, this thread speaks towards the crap men have to face when living with a woman... Believe it or not, the woman dominates the home. We decorate it to our tastes and clean it. We use it mostly cuz we are - as the matriarchs - are the ones who socialize and our "home" is what we use for it. Men, to keep their masculinity and sanity need their "man's cave". They need that part of the home that still looks and feels "masculine" where they can be a "guy". That's also why I believe in "guy time". Women should allow their guys to go and have beers with the guys and let him recharge his "guy" batteries. Same way women should go to the mall, beauty salon, and manicures with the girls. Again, I think what is needed here is communication and respect for the sexes. Shoot, the "childish" behavior some people think this guy is doing is probably him sort of "marking" his territory in the home. WOMEN - A man commits to you and gives you an entire freakin' home...is it too hard to just give him space in it? Geesh, men take so much crap. I mean, even in their own home, a woman reduces him to a "den", "garage" as the only place in his whole home that actually reflects him and his manliness...IMO, that's freakin humiliating. But, that's men, they just wanna make the woman happy and sacrifice a lot. You know, when you question why others here think you dislike women, please re-read this post. You make such blanket statements about women with all the disgust you can muster up. It seems you did not bother to read what the OP wrote and already had your vitriolic comment at the ready. Her husband is not "sacrificing" in any way. She is the one doing that. She is not "reducing him" to anything. She is asking him to be able to watch a program that she enjoys, something that is perfectly normal in a healthy relationship. The fact that you cannot see that does not make her behavior "childish" or whatever term du jour you want to paint her as. 8
Gloria25 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 This is not about the television. This is about his unwillingness to compromise in any way. That is the much, much larger issue. Her going in the bedroom to watch t.v in a big chair will not resolve his selfishness and refusal to act like a partner in the marriage. OP, you need to let your feelings be known. He is acting incredibly immature and his inability to share most likely is or will spill over in to other areas of your marriage. What do you plan to do about this? Compromise what? There's no problem here. She can simply go to the bedroom. Compromise, IMO is when there's no other option and someone has to bend...for example, sex every day might be a problem if one party wants it more than the other. One partner likes it only a couple of times a week cuz they are tired. "Compromise" will be the party wanting more sex to help the other get more rest, with household chores, etc so that the partner would have more energy for sex. Compromise doesn't apply here cuz there's a TV in the bedroom and she only needs it for 1-2 hours. "Why" does she need the TV in the main room?
evanescentworld Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Because she has as much right to it as he has. Why doesn't he go to the bedroom, keep out of the way and use that TV? It works both ways. What are you, a female misogynist? Or a guy PRETENDING to be a woman? 3
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