foobar112 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 My gf rescued a tiny male dog. We had been together for 21 months at the time of rescue. Living together had not been discussed at that point. The dog has problems with men and has probably been abused. It's interactions with me are inconsistent. It will jump into my lap and curl up, come see me, etc. Other times it avoids me and when I do approach it it submissively urinates (I speak to it the same way at all times). These problems have been existent the entire time she has had the dog. I've treated the dog the same as her other one. I've fed it, give it treats, played with it, etc. The dog does not have problems with her and never has. The problems with the dog have been going on for 6 months. We are working towards moving in together but the dog problems are making me reconsider. I consider living with a dog like this to be like living with a bad roommate. Not something I want to do. My gf thinks she can interact with it when necessary and avoid me to get around the submissive urination. However, my gf will not always be around when living together so dog responsibilities may rely on me. Then what? How am I supposed to get it to go outside when it chooses to ignore me and then when I approach it it submissively urinates? I'm not sure how to bring this up. I can suggest that a no male home is more appropriate for the dog but then she may resent me for losing the dog. I'm frustrated that she hasn't thought about how the interactions are with me or that she hasn't realized a no male home is probably more appropriate.
preraph Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I know this isn't what you want to hear, but she cares about that dog and she has a conscience about taking on the responsibility of a rescue dog and all I can tell you is if I found out someone cared more about these little things than helping the dog, I would lose all kinds of respect for them. The dog senses you're not happy with it. I guess you should be honest with her. I don't know how dedicated an animal person she is, but if she is dedicated, it will be you and not the dog that goes -- because you can take care of yourself. But she should know how you feel about it. Do not live together ever. You're not on the same page about pets. Homes for pets are hard to find. FYI, when training dogs, it's really the person who is being trained.
KatZee Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) The dog has probably been abused by men and will take a bit of time to get over that fear. That being said, the fact that the dog does curl up with you is good news. He probably just needs a bit more time to be completely comfortable with you, and with you moving in, it will most likely speed up that process since he can be around you often and come to trust you and know you as someone who will not hurt him. Abused rescues just need a bit of patience and lots and lots of love. I adopted a kitten that had been thrown out like trash and it took her a little bit over a year of solid interaction daily for her to come around. She was very skittish as a kitten, she wouldn't let anyone touch her, she was very wary. Now? She's the most loyal, affectionate, and needy thing on the planet. Edited January 13, 2015 by KatZee 4
preraph Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 A dog who does the submissive peeing should never ever be yelled at or scolded. It will only make them pee more because if they think you're mad, this is their way of trying to please you by showing you their most submissive thing they can do. This little dog is afraid.
Omei Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 ive worked with animals in and out of shelter most rescue animals you will notice change in their behaviors in 1-2 years of being within a stable inviroment. Her other dog might be part of the problem how do they interact ? What's the sex of the other dog? Do both dogs have significant amount of resources each? Separate beds, separate foods, toys etc. Its true if it cuddles with you its a good sign, spend more time bonding with the dog. I wonder if it pees other times ? Or is it only when you're around? Is his tail always between his legs or is it hanging lose ?
Author foobar112 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Do not live together ever. You're not on the same page about pets. Homes for pets are hard to find. I've always wondered if 2 people in a relationship should view pets the same way. I've had 2 dogs but did not view or treat them as she does. IMO she somewhat humanizes them as she doesn't care if they are on the furniture. A dog who does the submissive peeing should never ever be yelled at or scolded. It will only make them pee more because if they think you're mad, this is their way of trying to please you by showing you their most submissive thing they can do. This little dog is afraid. I know. I've spent a lot of time reading about submissive urination and ways to stop/limit it. I've never yelled at the dog.
Author foobar112 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Her other dog might be part of the problem how do they interact ? What's the sex of the other dog? They get along. They mostly ignore one another. They've never fought. Do both dogs have significant amount of resources each? Separate beds, separate foods, toys etc. Yep. I wonder if it pees other times ? Or is it only when you're around? Is his tail always between his legs or is it hanging lose ? It hangs normally the majority of the time.
Omei Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) They get along. They mostly ignore one another. They've never fought. Yep. It hangs normally the majority of the time. Dogs that live together tend to form bonds and have interaction play, snuggle etc. I wouldn't say them igoring each other is good Did she introduce them slowly or flat out let them be together? What are the ages of both dogs? If the tale isnt between the legs thats good does he wag his tale often or is it just lifeless And again does he pee strictly when you are there or does it also occur when your absent? Don't give up you guys will be able to live together you just need to find the root of the problem and you will find it if yalls dedication to helping it recover is there. You cannot treat the dogs differently they will view and sense that and cause fiction between them and maybe how they even treat each of you, both of you have to be on the same page with the dogs and the rules if she already lets her first dog on the furniture the 2nd dog must be granted the same you cant go backwards since shes already allowed that the first time around. If this relationship truly means a lot to you and yall really wish to continue you could always get a professionals opinion I doubt she would give up the dog after rescue she prob feels its her moral duty to keep them safe for the rest of their lives, I can understand that I have three saved animals and when my father suggested I give them up to make an easy apartment find I told him to shut the hell up! my own dad lol so I bet she feels that same deep moral duty to make the rest of his life happy. When you take in rescue animals its like a promise. Edited January 13, 2015 by Omei
Author foobar112 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Dogs that live together tend to form bonds and have interaction play, snuggle etc. I wouldn't say them igoring each other is good 60lbs weight difference so not optimal for play time. They sometimes snuggle. Did she introduce them slowly or flat out let them be together? Slowly. What are the ages of both dogs? 10 and 2. The problem one is the younger one. And again does he pee strictly when you are there or does it also occur when your absent? He has only submissively peed with me. There hasn't been much interaction with other males. If this relationship truly means a lot to you and yall really wish to continue you could always get a professionals opinion I doubt she would give up the dog after rescue she prob feels its her moral duty to keep them safe for the rest of their lives, I can understand that I have three saved animals and when my father suggested I give them up to make an easy apartment find I told him to shut the hell up! my own dad lol so I bet she feels that same deep moral duty to make the rest of his life happy. When you take in rescue animals its like a promise. I'm like your dad. I would have had the same opinion.
Ebelskiver Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 When you do move in together I imagine that will solve the problem as you will be around more and the dog will become used to you. For a while when I was married my husband and I lived apart. I got a rescue dog and when my husband would come to visit that dog hated him! Once I lived with my husband again the dog got over his issues.
Omei Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) Their age difference is great I could see why they would have no interest in play. Lol I think people who give up animals for apartment location or just because they don't want the hardship of finding a place that will have them are lazy pet owners and shouldn't ever take one in to begin with if the commitments means so little, they're living beings and animals totally have feelings so I dont have the same view. I have a cat that wasn't abused but because but she was given up four times by owners and shes was 4 then so every year of her lifetime she became very afraid, sad and sensitive wouldn't let me touch her for the first year now two years later I can hold her for a whole min (wow a whole min) not very long huh? They take just as long as people to be in a happy place again. This dog will just need patience I agree with above poster there's more chance of it being resolved when you live there permanently and you become apart of his stable home. Edited January 13, 2015 by Omei
xxoo Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 When you are going to be home alone with the dog, put a leash on the dog and "tether" him to you. You are buddies. Where you go, he goes. Go outside periodically to allow him to do his business. That's how I chilled out my very anxious rescue dog. 1
Toodaloo Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I have a deaf dog who has serious anxiety around people. Any people she does not know. My best advice is to create a "safe" place where he can go when he is worried. At my parents house its a cupboard, at mine its a gap under a table, when I am out I have a cage with a blanket over the top for mine to "hide" in. When the dog is in that safe place do not disturb it. Just let him be and calm down. When the dog freaks out do not make a fuss just remain very calm and quiet. Tidy up and get on with it. Its only piddle, far worse comes out of a babys backside when they are being breast fed! If the dog wants fuss, then give it fuss, if its not having a good day just ignore it and let it come to you when its ready. If you play a loud or rougher game with the other dog that will make the smaller one panic then make sure the smaller one is out of the way first so they do not have to worry. Pay attention and start to notice the signs of a bad day or when the dog is starting to panic. Then you can back away and give him space. When he is having a good day recognise the signs so you can give him fuss and attention. People ruin lovely animals through stupidity. My little girl was ruined because she tried to say hello to a woman who promptly hit her with a yellow pages (thick heavy phone directory) for absolutely no reason at all. She has never forgotten it and never will. I can tell you now that when she does trust people she is the most loving fantastic little dog. It was over 8 years ago and only happened once. It has also made the others nervous and protective of her. It is hard work, its not easy but it is worth it long term.
kendahke Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 My gf rescued a tiny male dog. We had been together for 21 months at the time of rescue. Living together had not been discussed at that point. The dog has problems with men and has probably been abused. It's interactions with me are inconsistent. It will jump into my lap and curl up, come see me, etc. Other times it avoids me and when I do approach it it submissively urinates (I speak to it the same way at all times). These problems have been existent the entire time she has had the dog. I've treated the dog the same as her other one. I've fed it, give it treats, played with it, etc. The dog does not have problems with her and never has. The problems with the dog have been going on for 6 months. We are working towards moving in together but the dog problems are making me reconsider. I consider living with a dog like this to be like living with a bad roommate. Not something I want to do. My gf thinks she can interact with it when necessary and avoid me to get around the submissive urination. However, my gf will not always be around when living together so dog responsibilities may rely on me. Then what? How am I supposed to get it to go outside when it chooses to ignore me and then when I approach it it submissively urinates? I'm not sure how to bring this up. I can suggest that a no male home is more appropriate for the dog but then she may resent me for losing the dog. I'm frustrated that she hasn't thought about how the interactions are with me or that she hasn't realized a no male home is probably more appropriate. Living together, obviously, should not happen as long as she has this dog and hasn't taken it to some behavioral modification training and has had consistent success with the therapy, unless you want a house reeking of dog urine. I imagine that requesting that she take the dog back to the rescue if she wants to live with you is out of the question, so you may have to look at keeping your own separate living spaces for the time being.
preraph Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I don't humanize my dogs, but I do let them sleep with me because I want to sleep with them. But I know dog behavior fairly well and don't expect them to behave like people, which is my definition of humanizing them. I don't dress them up in clothes either!!!! Which I think is mean.
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