DRStone Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I'm due to be turning 20 soon and never been in a relationship, never actually been on a date either. I don't really go out to meet people and when I do, it goes horribly wrong. I tried OLD but that was a huge waste of time. I feel like most people around me my age have had a lot more experience than me (All be it not a lot compared to say a 30/35 year old for example) but a lot more experience than me. I feel like the more time passes, people find the lack of experience a huge turn off and I'm genuinely worried that the older I get, the harder dating is going to become for me. Am I worrying too much or is this a genuine fear? Because I don't want to hit 25 without ever going on a date all because I couldn't get experience when I was younger.
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Yes, but by older I meant mid 30s. It was really easy to date in college & grad school. What are you doing to get yourself a date if you want one?
Author DRStone Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Yes, but by older I meant mid 30s. It was really easy to date in college & grad school. What are you doing to get yourself a date if you want one? Well, nothing. I've only got one girls number since last september, I phoned her once and we never spoke again... I get so incredibly nervous and my anxiety obviously shows through a lot. I also get a very small stutter every now and then and I find it difficult to hold a conversation and make eye contact with people. OLD was a waste of time because no matter what I did in the messages / pictures / profile I'd barely get a reply and haven't spoken to someone on there for longer than an hour. I've never reached the point of being able to ask someone out on a date.
TigerCub Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I think dating gets harder as we get older in the sense that we get more set in our ways and experience teaches us more of what we want and don't want, so it gets harder to find someone really compatible. In your case, I don't think you should worry too much - but you are young and you should be out there having fun and dating around and finding what you like. It's true that experience becomes a factor, but you're not even 20 yet - so don't stress too much. What's stopping you from going out and meeting people? Why do you find that when you go out you can't seem to click with some others and date?
Author DRStone Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 I think dating gets harder as we get older in the sense that we get more set in our ways and experience teaches us more of what we want and don't want, so it gets harder to find someone really compatible. In your case, I don't think you should worry too much - but you are young and you should be out there having fun and dating around and finding what you like. It's true that experience becomes a factor, but you're not even 20 yet - so don't stress too much. What's stopping you from going out and meeting people? Why do you find that when you go out you can't seem to click with some others and date? I shall refer you to my post above yours ^^
TigerCub Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Sorry - I asked my question before you replied to the other poster.
TigerCub Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Well, how do your guy friends get dates? Do you ever watch them when they chat with girls and note their mannerisms and what they do and try to use that as a blueprint at least to start?
Author DRStone Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Well, how do your guy friends get dates? Do you ever watch them when they chat with girls and note their mannerisms and what they do and try to use that as a blueprint at least to start? Yes, I have. I've also asked them for advice. Trouble is, I can't go out alone I have to go with friends. So, if we meet a group of people, all the singles girls will talk to my friends and not me. They've even tried getting them to talk to me but they don't seem interested and they'll continue talking to them. If I approach a girl by myself, they'll pretty much palm me off within the first minute or so...
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Do they have a group called ToastMasters in England? It helps people overcome shyness. It's really focused on public speaking but it helps with all social situations. Do you have any hobbies or interests? Join a group that does what you like. Get to know people that way. It's less pressure then a bar & it gives women a chance to see you as a nice guy. As you get more comfortable, it may be easier for you to ask a woman for a date. If you have some disposable income try paying for a Dale Carnegie class or at least read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People.
TigerCub Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Do you mean you literally can't do out alone? I'm really not trying to be a smartass I just want to understand? Either way, it's not gonna sound helpful, but it all comes down to confidence and charm. Just by the way you talk, it seems like you do lack confidence and you probably clam up when you're out in a group and there are these girls around and you probably think to yourself 'They're gonna be more interested in my friends than me' I know it's easier said than done, but you need to relax. Smile, make a joke, take it easy, and just remember, it's just a girl, she's probably nervous and insecure too and just wants to be around someone that's easygoing and likes her.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I get so incredibly nervous and my anxiety obviously shows through a lot. I also get a very small stutter every now and then and I find it difficult to hold a conversation and make eye contact with people. I know it's easier said than done, but devote some attention to being more comfortable with yourself as you are. Then your anxiety will lessen, and this could help with the stuttering. I've become acquainted with a man recently who has a slight but noticeable speech impediment. What I really admire about him is that he seems to be totally comfortable with himself as he is and doesn't let it get in his way. Even though I'm not that attracted to him physically, I find his strength of character and good attitude very attractive, quite exceptional in fact.
katlover Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) Hey man I think what you are lacking is some self-respect and confidence. Just believe in yourself and you will do fine. And if you **** up, just pick yourself back up and try again. It takes many failed attempts before you're good at something. Just learn from your mistakes and see what you could've done better. Just study woman and find out what they like and don't like. Perhaps go work out, look up on how to dress, and go make some money. This will raise your confidence levels and make it easier to talk to woman. Make yourself more interesting and you will gain that confidence. How you going to handle a woman when you can't even handle yourself? There's something you can think over. I don't think age matters when it comes to dating. I could be 30 with no dating experience and probably land a date as long as I act like I know what I'm doing.. Edited January 13, 2015 by katlover
CarrieT Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Yes, but by older I meant mid 30s. Yes, but by older I would mean 40s! 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I think dating gets harder as we get older in the sense that we get more set in our ways and experience teaches us more of what we want and don't want, so it gets harder to find someone really compatible. Amen It's a matter of perspective I think. If you think having zero tolerance for bullsh*t and/or knowing better what you want and especially what you don't want makes it harder to date (regardless of your age), then so be it. Personally, I see it as a blessing. As someone "older" and dating again, I wish I had this much clarity and discernment and resolve in my younger years. I might have been able to avoid some pretty uncomfortable and even painful dating experiences. Try to stop yourself from over thinking things and worrying about something that may not even be an issue for you at all. You're putting the cart before the horse and effectively missing out on all the great moments in your life NOW. Relax and enjoy the ride my friend
JFReyes Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Yes, but by older I would mean 40s! Dating got way easier for me after my divorce at 39. By then I had lost all misgivings about what life was like and how I should live it so didn't give a s***, Worked like a charm. :-) 1
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