Seeker12 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Hey guys seriously need some advice. Me and my ex tried to do the whole friends gig but it just wasnt happening right then as i was healing still, since then we just went into NC for nearly 3 weeks. To clarify, i do want to move on so i dont hurt when and if she finds someone else, but i still want to have some chance with her, maybe in the future, this meaning i dont want to look like a prick to her. Heres me seriously thinking she wont message me because i gave her a kind of ultimatum anyway, she messages me today and says: "Hello, I hope you are okay. We havent spoken in a few weeks and its kind of clear thats how we are going to stay. Due to that, there isnt any reason to keep numbers mainly because we dont speak, and i kind of guess we cant just be friends. Things dont need to be awkward, i just want us to be mature with no questions." I havent responded yet to the text, just kind of mulling it over, usually, from past experience, shes really formal in these messages, but need some advice.
Invictus01 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 If there is no need to keep numbers... delete it. Problem solved! 2
Chin Up Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Sounds to me like she's trying to manipulate you into answering/talking to her. Basically telling you that if you don't talk to her, she's going to delete your number. Why bother informing you that she plans on deleting your contact info? why not just do it? Nice try, girly. I love having the final word so it would be hard for me not to reply with "Cool. Have a good one." haha. But yeah, you're better off not answering. I mean, what's to say? oh noooo please don't delete me! forget that. 8
seminoles84 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Agree with the posters above. She's just trying to get a response out of you. Do not reply. 1
Author Seeker12 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Yup i was thinking that, surely she would have just deleted my number, and why she assumed that i hadnt deleted hers, probably because i gave her the ultimatum back 3 weeks ago when NC started, also her way of dodging what i asked of her.
Chin Up Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Well, be prepared for the possibility of a second text cuz she feels stupid for being ignored and will try to save face by laying a guilt trip on you for not answering. I did that recently . Yup, def not one of my finer moments. ...Le~Sigh. 4
Hulahoops88 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 She's missing you mate. The no contact has worked. I would hold off until day 30 to reply. The ball is in your court now as she will be craving to hear from you! You now need to decide if you want to go for it and try to get her back. I'm in 3 weeks of no contact myself and I would love to be in your position hearing from my ex. Day 30 just send a small message and keep it short and positive. Do you want her back?
Superkitty Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I would most likely text back "I'm just going through the motions same as you are" or something like that. But I'm sure most people would say NC. She's certainly feeling uncomfortable with the level of NC so it also might be a good idea to continue it. One things for sure. Girls hate to be ignored. It drives them bonkers. So it actually might be a good thing to make her squirm a bit. After all she ended with you...
Aint_Easy Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 is it not obvious? don't answer at all. that will drive her mad. if I was in her shoes I'd think "holy ****, did he just delete my number without a reply?!"
Simon Phoenix Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 No reason to respond to that. She's trying to guilt you into being her buddy. If that's not what you want, or you aren't ready for such a thing (sounds like you aren't), leave it be.
JonjMie Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I've done this and replied who is this ? She said its nicki, I wanted to see how you were etc, I said I'm fine thanks and that was that, that was four months after NC last year, never heard from her again but I know she's still with the guy she was with at the time.
Author Seeker12 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Hey guys so an update- first and foremost thanks for all your advice helped me make the decision straight away. Now, today surprise i got the follow up as ChinUp stated, and in that the ex said that we cant be friends, because of how long we have been together 6-7 years, so transitioning wont be good for us. For me to delete her number and to stop holding onto her, that this is her choice and what she wants. Shes over us and doesnt need us to be friends, and neither does she want any kind of friendship. She wants me to be happy, sees any friendship or anything pointless, and as she will be looking for marriage she doesnt want to communicate with me until she finds a marriage partner as thats stupid and no good and that exes shouldnt be friends. That she chose to stop speaking to me anyway. It was a pretty long ending message and those were the main bits, what do you guys think. Even though i want her back im using NC for my own healing, i know at this moment in time i cant marry her because of her parents, very cultural, maybe in the future, but i still dont want to look like a prick to her because the reason why we split wasnt our fault. 1
evanescentworld Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Block, delete, ignore, move on. Say nothing, do nothing, do not respond, and just carry on as if nothing had happened. Because nothing has. It's breadcrumbs. She's fishing. Ego-validation. She wants to know whether she still has a hold on you, or can still reel you in. Don't give her that satisfaction. Have you actually read the No Contact Guide? I really would, if I were you.... 1
Author Seeker12 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 How old are you two? Both 23, been together 6-7 years, were going to tie the knot in 2015 but her parents stepped in, more or less said no to me last year, and broke the relationship, it would have caused a lot more problems if we fought for it, so we mutually broke up, ever since then just a downward spiral really.
Frank13 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I love having the final word so it would be hard for me not to reply with "Cool. Have a good one." haha. I'm all for NC, but that might actually be better.
Author Seeker12 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 The ex seemed pretty straight and focussed on calling it quits, i guess it really is time to move on. 2
evanescentworld Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Yes it is. Please follow advice, and delete, block, ignore, do not reply, and move on. 1
Chin Up Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Gee, didn't see that coming . Annnd don't be surprised if there's another attempt lol. Love how it went from "talk to me or else I will delete your number, oh..and if you don't answer you're immature." To.. "Turns out I don't want to be friends anyways because I want to feel like it's MY idea after you saw through my ploy to be friends. oh, and if that doesn't work..I'm gonna go find someone else and GET MARRIED and hopefully the thought of that scares you into answering!" LOL. Next one will probably be about how she's met someone, and she's sooo happy with him and she never would have met him if you had answered. Or it will be a flat out plead for a reply or getting super wicked pissed at you. Keep going NC and stop dwelling on what she's saying. She's full of it and is saying whatever she thinks will hit a nerve so that you lose your sh*t and answer. She's trying to crack your code but you my friend are uncrackable! *fist bump* 1
Aint_Easy Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 ^^ What Chin Up said. I'm not going to lie this forum has been enlightening. I never imagined how similar all women are. My ex went from "No. I don't believe in second chances. We will never be together again." to "Maybe in the future. Maybe in like a year. If we're meant to be, we're meant to be" to "I desperately miss you as my best friend." to hasn't talked to me in a month lol. 1
Author Seeker12 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Thanks guys and girls, i can only say that im glad i asked first the best option to take, i think il just stick with NC now, carry on forward and see what the future holds, its unfortunate how things happened between me and my ex but things are as they are i guess. 2
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