heyheybydesign Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 So, I haven't done this before but I am/was really interested in someone. When we met, I felt an immediate connection but kind of dismissed it before 1) we met at her job (she's a bartender) and 2) Bartenders flirt to increase business. I know the game, but still - I thought "wow, she's breathtaking". Needless to say, I started hanging out at the bar a little more. My friends love the place and it's a great environment to chill after a long week. I wasn't hanging out too excessively, like 1x or 2x a week if that for a few weeks. We started chatting, she introduced me to a few friends. I'm a great tipper so that does hurt... well, a few weeks ago, I asked her out for dinner. She said she was flattered but was in a situation and wasn't looking for anything more than friendship at the moment. She went into the specifics of WHY she wasn't looking (crazy current situation and intense ex relationship that ended badly), it was for this reason she thought it best we just hang out as friends. I, of course, accepted. I'm always down to meet new friends and she just genuinely seems like a person I'd have a great time with... My life got a little hectic and I couldn't go out for a few weeks, but we chatted here and there via email ( gave her my number but she hasn't used it)... and, then last weekend I needed a release so my friends and I decided to head to a few bars - nothing too major, and we ended the night at my crush's bar. Well, I have a pretty large group of friends but we all decided to go out separate ways by the end of the night, and it left about 4 of us (a couple, me and a REALLY attractive friend) to wait it out for the rest. Almost as soon as we walked in, I felt something different. The bartenders weren't serving us as promptly as they have in the past.. my crush especially, just wasn't attentive at all, all night. Took 10 minutes just to get a drink. She usually addresses me with "babe' or "honey' and my bill is almost always below $30 no matter the tab. THIS night was different. She charged my attractive friend $20 for 2 shots, and kept ignoring people in my party. We decided to just let enough be enough and end the night. SO, as I was tabbing out, someone else came to close out my bill......... the tab was almost $100. I've heard of a such thing as the "bitch tax" where bartenders charge excessively when they are peeved off but this was too much. I left a tip, signed the bill and headed home. We left on pretty okay terms after I asked her out the first time and I haven't really revisited the idea of dating her... but it seemed like she was upset by my being with someone else or on a "double date". Although I wasn't, my friend tends to get a little touchy when she drinks so I can understand why someone might think that... so, my thought process is either she REALLY didn't want to see me again after turning me down, OR she is like most girls and was playing hard to get, but became upset when she thought I was with someone else... If it's the latter, how do I turn this situation around without looking like an ass?
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 She may not have liked the fact that you were flirting with another woman in front of her. She may have misunderstood who the other woman was to you & thought that you flirting with her & asking her out was you cheating on your GF. If this was the 1st time you were at the place lat night as opposed to after work, they may have difference prices.
katlover Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Knowing that you asked her out before and then seeing you with another woman makes her think that you are a player. And obviously she is going to act differently when she sees you with another woman.. I mean put yourself in her shoes. It'll be pretty hard to fix this as now she has that image of you and that woman in her head. She will not be able to look at you the same anymore. If you really like her you could try and go there again in 2 weeks or 3 and try and chat her up again. Just be cool and if the conversation comes up just say she was just a friend..
Author heyheybydesign Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 I like her and the discounts at the bar. I couldn't get this girl out of my head for weeks after first meeting her, so I guess I will give it a little time and try to revisit in a few weeks
venusishername Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) Is she having second thoughts about WHAT? For this very reason I avoid dating bartenders. They are generally attractive and charismatic, which is usually why they are hired. Means NOTHING if they flirt with you. I repeat, NOTHING. Calling you 'babe' and 'honey' is their game. Hey, it works on you! You're in there a couple times a week spending money and bringing her business! Also, she may have thought you were on a date with that girl and didn't want to be disrespectful by calling you cutesy names. When you're alone or with other people of your sex, it would be different. I encounter this CONSTANTLY. There is a place I used to frequent that has very attractive male bartenders in cool suits. I would always bring my girlfriends there for that reason. They loved it. We would sit at the bar and flirt with the bartenders (harmlessly) and you know what...we kept coming back and spending lots of money there. I went on a date with a man there once and the bartender who I was always bantering with and crushing on stayed far away from me just that one night. That bartender was hot and awesome but I wouldn't date him! It was more fun to just flirt at the bar. If you like this place so much and you like the discounts, don't **** where you eat! She was the one who told you she wasn't 'interested'. Not your problem... you can bring whatever attractive girlfriends you have around there if that's your hangout. Hell, bring a date if you're so inclined. She told you she's not interested in anything more than a friendship. What's there to wait for? UNLESS she is asking you out or accepting your date invitation, there is no justification or reason to think she's upset, having second thoughts, or playing hard to get. Edited January 13, 2015 by venusishername 1
Assada Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 She did nothing wrong. Its all in your drunken head. Youbought 100 dollars worth of drinks, and your party was probably being rude and loud. She has no allegiance to you. Get over yourself OP
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