devils_tattoo Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 This is going to sound strange but here goes.... I had a first date cancelled by a girl at the last minute, on the day we were supposed to meet up. She told me that things had changed & she had started dating someone else therefore date is cancelled. Her relationship broke down after a couple of months after her partner ran off with someone else. On hearing this news, my first reaction was not to jump for joy in a “ha ha serves you right” kind of way, but to actually feel sorry for her that she had been cheated on. I’m still thinking about this person a lot & even feel that if I could, I’d forget what has happened & try to take her out.... again! My question is, why on earth am I thinking these things about someone who stood me up? I felt a very strong connection with her when we were chatting ect so maybe that is one reason? It just seems bizarre to ignore that I had basically become a second choice & give her another chance. Am I a giant desperate doormat, wayyy too much of a softy, or plain weird? :sick:
Assada Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Its because you have a puppy dog mentality, And you long for a girl, that you can just hand your balls to
Author devils_tattoo Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 yeah possibly Assada, you could be right
LostOnes05 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I wouldn't bother with her AT ALL. Don't feel sorry for her. She made her choice and has to live with the consequences...simple as that. I had to learn this lesson the hard way as well. If you become her emotional Kleenex, she will blow her nose on you every time. If you do want to maintain a relationship with this woman, give yourself time to resolve those feelings of attraction for her. When you are honestly able to do that without falling over yourself, then you can be a friend to her. Believe me when you start to find out more about her, you might be glad you didn't date. I know this from personal experience. Best of luck buddy!
preraph Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 On the one hand, she didn't cheat. She ended one relationship for the other. on the other hand, you're who she chose to blow off in favor of another. Even if you believe 100 percent that is what actually went down and she didn't just chicken out of the date for no good reason, she still knows how to reach you if she's at all interested. So don't be a chump. She will lose respect for you if you come crawling to her after that stunt, no matter if it was legit or not. But if she initiates contact with you and is sufficiently remorseful, then go ahead.
Ebelskiver Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I don't agree with what anyone else has said. She acted upright and responsible. When you asked her out she was, obviously, dating someone else casually and felt it was OK to agree to go on a date with you. In the meantime her other casual relationship progressed to the point that she didn't feel it would be honest to see you and........she let you know. I did this just last week. I had been casually dating my now bf for about 2 months, we had not been intimate yet, and I was asked on a second date by another gentleman. During the week between being asked out by the second guy and our scheduled date I was intimate with the first guy. I no longer felt I could honestly go out on a date with the second guy and I texted him: "Hey, I feel really bad about this but I've been dating someone else casually since November. Just last night we decided to become more serious and not see other people. I think you are great! Smart, funny, sexy...you've got the whole package. It's just the timing was wrong. I feel it would be dishonest of me to continue with our date tonight. I'm sorry for the short notice. We cool?" That, word for word, is the text I sent. The gentleman was very gracious, said he appreciated my honesty, and would truly like to be friends. I think I handled the situation perfectly. Just as your girl did. Now that she's single, ask her out again! She didn't do anything wrong to you. She treated you with respect and honesty, this is exactly the type of person you would want to have a meaningful relationship. Not someone who would just blow you off to avoid telling you there was someone else. 1
turningpoint Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I don't agree with what anyone else has said. She acted upright and responsible. When you asked her out she was, obviously, dating someone else casually and felt it was OK to agree to go on a date with you. In the meantime her other casual relationship progressed to the point that she didn't feel it would be honest to see you and........she let you know. I did this just last week. I had been casually dating my now bf for about 2 months, we had not been intimate yet, and I was asked on a second date by another gentleman. During the week between being asked out by the second guy and our scheduled date I was intimate with the first guy. I no longer felt I could honestly go out on a date with the second guy and I texted him: "Hey, I feel really bad about this but I've been dating someone else casually since November. Just last night we decided to become more serious and not see other people. I think you are great! Smart, funny, sexy...you've got the whole package. It's just the timing was wrong. I feel it would be dishonest of me to continue with our date tonight. I'm sorry for the short notice. We cool?" That, word for word, is the text I sent. The gentleman was very gracious, said he appreciated my honesty, and would truly like to be friends. I think I handled the situation perfectly. Just as your girl did. Now that she's single, ask her out again! She didn't do anything wrong to you. She treated you with respect and honesty, this is exactly the type of person you would want to have a meaningful relationship. Not someone who would just blow you off to avoid telling you there was someone else. Ditto. This is great advice. To me it says something bad about a guy if he wouldn't give a girl a chance because she was honest with him. You weren't second best to her. How would you have acted if you were in her shoes? What if you dated a girl for several weeks, and things kept getting serious. At the same time you were chatting with someone else, and then decided to ask them out on a date. Right before the date, the girl told you she wanted exclusivity and wanted to take this relationship to the next level.... would you have A. Told the girl let me think about it, so you can go on a date with a different girl who you barely know to see what other options are available to you. Then tell this girl after she asks for exclusivity to give you time to think about it while you explore your other options. B. Tell the girl yes. Then go on another date with this other girl (essentially cheating on the first girl and knowing you aren't taking the girl seriously at all). C. Go with girl you've been seeing and simply blow the other girl off. D. Go with girl you are seeing cause you know her and know there's potential and tell the other girl the truth and that you can't date her at this point. Ask yourself, what would you have done. Now ask yourself, if you were dating a girl seriously and she was in that position, how would you want her to behave? Hopefully you picked option D, since you should ideally want a girl who is honest, loyal and knows what she wants and isn't always looking around for something better. This girl picked the guy she knew best at the time... it's not her fault he cheated on her. And to me, you clearly left a good impression on her for you to contact her again. Life isn't black/white or perfect, you can't expect her to have known what to happen and you can't want an honest woman, when the consequences of being honest is that she chooses to give another guy a chance over you.
regine_phalange Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Maybe you secretly like it. No shame in that. There are actually people who are even turned on by humiliation and lead this kind of lifestyle.
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