TrustedthenBusted Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Oh man... did I sign up for every conceivable dating website on the interweb after D-Day. Thinking about it, this may be the only nutty thing I did that I HAVEN'T told my FWW about. ( told her about VAR, key logger, DNA tests etc ) But I really had a prolonged period where I'd peruse the dating websites almost daily to see what the market had waiting for me. Never posted a real profile or any pics, so didn't see much incoming action. But boy did I enjoy the window shopping. Few things that stuck out. 1. It was very easy to identify a BS when reading their profile. Sadly easy. 2. Knowing that there were intelligent, beautiful, available women out there did not tempt me to divorce....but rather to go into my R knowing that, if it didn't work out, I'd be fine. it had a very calming effect on me. 3. Damn near everyone on every site describes themselves as one point on their profile as either "Laid back or Down to Earth" Lol. Not even sure what that means. So... any experiences with those sites? Any funny stories?
Be_Strong Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I'm curious to know what some of the tip-offs were for you to identify the BS's. I've never ventured into the world of online dating.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Oh man... did I sign up for every conceivable dating website on the interweb after D-Day. Thinking about it, this may be the only nutty thing I did that I HAVEN'T told my FWW about. ( told her about VAR, key logger, DNA tests etc ) Of all the things to withhold during an attempt to R, why this ??? Mr. Lucky 2
Author TrustedthenBusted Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Of all the things to withhold during an attempt to R, why this ??? Mr. Lucky Lol. I dunno really. I guess it probably never came up, and since I never met anyone through the sites, or communicated with anybody, I didn't feel the need to bring it up? If she asked me right now I'd tell her, no problem. Seems kind of funny now that I look back on it.
Bartlett67 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 I think I've beendown that road. Shopping, that is. online dating, not so much, but i have standing offers, and a husband of 22years who heaped betryal on me by the dump-truck-load. A boy on the side might be Therapeutic. I'm not sure what I owe him at this point. i was faithful even after he became a cold fish. I dunno. I wrestle with this.
jm2013 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 When I moved out of my house I was trolling POF. It felt good to me and helped me take my mind off things. POF has some low quality clientele in my opinion. Most of the profiles I'd come across would always say "No, I don't want to see your D*ck". lol.. I remember thinking to myself who in the hell does that.
Bartlett67 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 The online dating scene is horrid. As a woman, I can tell you that the pickings are so meager that any decent, employed, non- creep is pure gold. As you weigh your options, it would do good to keep in mind that if you are a decent guy, there are plenty of women actively looking for you. You're worth your weight in gold. By a certain age the good ones really are all taken.sign up as a female and see the sewer that will flow into your inbox. It will up you self worth by a mile, is my guess.
oldshirt Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 1. It was very easy to identify a BS when reading their profile. Sadly easy. How is that?
NewLifeLady Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 What does BS mean? I am looking to sign up to a site so that is why I read your post.
autumnnight Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 If betrayal and deceit are wrong, I'm trying to figure out how it suddenly becomes okay just because someone else did it first....
oldshirt Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 If betrayal and deceit are wrong, I'm trying to figure out how it suddenly becomes okay just because someone else did it first.... He hasn't approached or contacted any of these women. In fact if I have read the post correctly, he hasn't even signed up or posted a profile on these sites. So there hasn't been any betrayal or wrongdoing on his part. He is just taking a look at the online world of dating and getting a glimpse of what the single world might be if he were to divorce. IMHO that is legitimate and even responsible on his part. Think of it like needing some serious and expensive engine work on a car that you have had for many years. Your car starts acting up and you take it to your mechanic and he tells you that the engine work is going to cost several thousands of dollars to repair. At that point you have to decide if the car is going to worth the cost of the repairs vs hauling it off to salvager and getting another car. Part of that decision making process is checking out the current car market and seeing what cars will fit your need that will still be within your budget. He is doing the right thing.
Bartlett67 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 If betrayal and deceit are wrong, I'm trying to figure out how it suddenly becomes okay just because someone else did it first.... Monogamy is two sided. He chose to end it, unilaterally, and without informing me. I haven't had a monogamous relationship since that day-- by no fault of my own, mind you. Betrayal would imply that I broke my vows to him. Way too late for that. He dun vaporized them. THey we're mutually entered into, but it only takes one party to end them. I don't condone deceit, so to that end I've told him my feelings on the subject. He can't really forget, since I've crafted myself into a constant warning. 1
BetrayedH Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 What does BS mean? I am looking to sign up to a site so that is why I read your post. Betrayed Spouse.
BetrayedH Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I think I've beendown that road. Shopping, that is. online dating, not so much, but i have standing offers, and a husband of 22years who heaped betryal on me by the dump-truck-load. A boy on the side might be Therapeutic. I'm not sure what I owe him at this point. i was faithful even after he became a cold fish. I dunno. I wrestle with this. I went thru the same thing, looking at my options. I got sucked in. It wasn't a good thing. It didn't fix anything; it just made it all worse. Just as your husband should have done, you should either fix your marriage or leave it. Don't give yourself other choices.
autumnnight Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Monogamy is two sided. He chose to end it, unilaterally, and without informing me. I haven't had a monogamous relationship since that day-- by no fault of my own, mind you. Betrayal would imply that I broke my vows to him. Way too late for that. He dun vaporized them. THey we're mutually entered into, but it only takes one party to end them. I don't condone deceit, so to that end I've told him my feelings on the subject. He can't really forget, since I've crafted myself into a constant warning. So basically if one spouse cheats, even if they are still married, all bets are off and the other spouse going out and sleeping with someone else isn't really adultery because spouse A did it first. You don't even have to divorce, the marriage is officially over and you are single once your spouse cheats. I must have missed that in my state's statute.....
Bartlett67 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 When does a contract, once violated by by one party, still bind the other? 1
Janesays Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 When does a contract, once violated by by one party, still bind the other? I'm interested in this as well. After all, i entered into a contract with a roofer. The deal was he was going to fix my roof and I was going to pay him. Well he never showed up to fix my roof. So am I still obligated to pay him? What if I DID pay him anyway? Would you all admire me for my honesty or condemn for being so stupid as to be taken by a con artist? Likewise my husband and I had a contract. My fidelity for his. He never followed through on his obligations....therefore freeing me of my responsibility towards him. In other words, we don't owe our cheating spouses jack. You go maryr yourself in the name of marriage. Not me. I don't kowtow to con artists. 6
autumnnight Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I suppose I do not see a roofing contract and a marriage the same way. It has never occurred to me that I can commit any act or sin I want just because someone else did it first. You go sleep with anyone you want, not me. I'd rather my character not be dependent on someone else's. 2
BetrayedH Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 When does a contract, once violated by by one party, still bind the other? Until it's legally dissolved. 1
badkarma2013 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 So basically if one spouse cheats, even if they are still married, all bets are off and the other spouse going out and sleeping with someone else isn't really adultery because spouse A did it first. You don't even have to divorce, the marriage is officially over and you are single once your spouse cheats. I must have missed that in my state's statute..... ******************************************************************* You da&n right all bets are off...The WS has just Killed the old marriage and it DOES not exist anymore...piece of paper and state statutes be damned...IT is over! The BS and WS can work on Plan B because that is what R is plan B.... Because for a time your WS WANTED the OM/OW MORE than you...so you and the marriage are both Plan B... You disagree , whine or kick and scream...your former marriage is dead.. I am NOT a proponet of revenge affairs..( to self destructive) but can surly see why people would use that as a option.... 1
oldshirt Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I agree that if someone cheats, the waive their right to their partners exclusivity. That's one of the ten thousand risks a cheater takes when they cheat. 5
Confused48 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 ******************************************************************* You da&n right all bets are off...The WS has just Killed the old marriage and it DOES not exist anymore...piece of paper and state statutes be damned...IT is over!\ I can certainly sympathise with the sentiment here. I can also understand your anger considering your back story. However, this "above the law" attitude is still not right. I'm sure many a WS went outside the marriage with this attitude. For example: My BS was so mean to me or did not fulfill my reasonable needs or (insert above the law excuse here) so the old marriage was over, I had the right to cheat.
badkarma2013 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I can certainly sympathise with the sentiment here. I can also understand your anger considering your back story. However, this "above the law" attitude is still not right. I'm sure many a WS went outside the marriage with this attitude. For example: My BS was so mean to me or did not fulfill my reasonable needs or (insert above the law excuse here) so the old marriage was over, I had the right to cheat. ******************************************************************* WSs excuses would fill volumes.....But NONE of them or Right or Valid...They may say my husband is mean...dosent talk..im bored ..whatever... My wife does not give me enough sex...shes cold or unavailable....etc.. NONE validates the choice to commit infidelity... BUT when one partner does ..ALL BETS ARE OFF....you have just THREATENED my emotional well being ...my financial well being and mostly my health..( after 6months 86% of WSs do not use protection any longer...). Whatever my Choice ...you made yours now I am going to make Mine... That is the chance A WS takes...Let it hit where it may..again all bets are off...I owe you (at that time) nothing.. 1
Furious Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I can understand that revenge affairs happen, but I'd hate to see a person who is on a dating site wanting to be with someone who is using them for revenge. Someone's hurt is not a free ticket to hurt someone else. I think it's healthier to divorce and spend time healing so that any future relationships are built on solid foundation. 4
Bartlett67 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Until it's legally dissolved. When one party fails to fulfill the obligations entered into, the game is up. I didn't haul in a bucket of slime and dirty up the thing. He did. I'm sure hope hopes I don't take my boys on the side. Revenge? Mmm. Nah. He played it as an open marriage while I naively remained faithful. It's a new game these days. 1
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