bohica Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) Hello I recently met this girl who seems pretty great. We get along well, have a lot of chemistry and I am enjoying getting to know her. We first met through mutual friends at a gathering, then we went out on a first date that went pretty well. I told her I wanted to see her again and I agreed to meet her and her friends for a SundayFun day. I thought it would be a great way to see her around her friends and to learn a little more about her while at the same time showing I can be a part of a group. I am in my 40's and she is in her mid 30's. I enjoy going out on an afternoon for a bite and a drink but this turned into a 6 hour marathon that carried over from one bar to the next. I live in a small town, next to a big city that has a lot of bars, and tight clicks. It's basically a party town. I've never been into it and it has always turned me off to see groups and clicks that all they do is drink and do 'fundays'. Eventually there is drama that I want nothing to do with. I was having a lot of fun but one point I told her I was going home and wanted to leave her with her friends but she insisted she wanted me to stay so I did. We moved onto the next bar where sure enough someone ran into an ex and the drama began. Two minutes later a women they knew runs in yelling that some guy beat her up. I knew right then and there it was my time to go. I think she caught my vibe that I wasn't into that. Then I caught a vibe from her that I may have rubbed her the wrong way and feel that things didn't end so well. I like this girl but I am afraid she may not be in the same place as me intellectually and socially. I also fear this may be a regular part of her social life. I don't know if I should ask her if I rubbed her the wrong way somehow and then give it another chance. It may be to soon to judge or form an opinion about the two of us or her. Thoughts? Edited January 12, 2015 by bohica
Redhead14 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Hello I recently met this girl who seems pretty great. We get along well, have a lot of chemistry and I am enjoying getting to know her. We first met through mutual friends at a gathering, then we went out on a first date that went pretty well. I told her I wanted to see her again and I agreed to meet her and her friends for a SundayFun day. I thought it would be a great way to see her around her friends and to learn a little more about her while at the same time showing I can be a part of a group. I am in my 40's and she is in her mid 30's. I enjoy going out on an afternoon for a bite and a drink but this turned into a 6 hour marathon that carried over from one bar to the next. I live in a small town, next to a big city that has a lot of bars, and tight clicks. It's basically a party town. I've never been into it and it has always turned me off to see groups and clicks that all they do is drink and do 'fundays'. Eventually there is drama that I want nothing to do with. I was having a lot of fun but one point I told her I was going home and wanted to leave her with her friends but she insisted she wanted me to stay so I did. We moved onto the next bar where sure enough someone ran into an ex and the drama began. Two minutes later a women they knew runs in yelling that some guy beat her up. I knew right then and there it was my time to go. I think she caught my vibe that I wasn't into that. Then I caught a vibe from her that I may have rubbed her the wrong way and feel that things didn't end so well. I like this girl but I am afraid she may not be in the same place as me intellectually and socially. I also fear this may be a regular part of her social life. I don't know if I should ask her if I rubbed her the wrong way somehow and then give it another chance. It may be to soon to judge. Thoughts? I would avoid "dates" that include friends when you first start dating someone. One on one is the only real way to get a better sense of "who" they are as individuals. How a person acts in a group is often a little different than one to one, especially if drinking is involved, and as you said the opportunity for drama exists. Drama that soon will put anyone off. However, the fact that she gave you a "vibe" about not being into drama, maybe says, she was thinking you weren't being supportive which says to me that if she's expecting that from you now, she's going to be clingy and needy in the future. Just a guess, of course. A woman shouldn't be thinking that a man should be some kind of rescuer after only a couple of "dates". This is the reason that couples don't usually meet each others friends until after at least a few dates. If you know them a little better, you won't be put off by other behaviors so much. I'd give it another chance with a one on one date and go from there and go some place quieter.
Author bohica Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Thanks I should have mentioned that I know some of her girlfriends that were there and that the ensuing drama didnt involve her. She has, since this posting, sent me a text saying she had fun. I just hope that she is more then just all day 'fundays Might be worth exploring more...'
Redhead14 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Thanks I should have mentioned that I know some of her girlfriends that were there and that the ensuing drama didnt involve her. She has, since this posting, sent me a text saying she had fun. I just hope that she is more then just all day 'fundays Might be worth exploring more...' You don't have anything to lose by "exploring" it a little more. It's not a bad thing that she has friends and likes to go out by herself with them. It means she likely won't rely on you for all her "entertainment". When you do go out with her again one to one, make a very casual statement about what it is you like to do and that you're not really into the all day funday scenarios. Don't make it seem like a criticism though. It's just about her knowing your likes and dislikes. Observe her behaviors in between dates, if she's going out every time she's not with you or bails on you for that scene often, you'll know what's in store and you can decide to move on. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 If you like her but would prefer to avoid her friends' drama, skip the group dates until your foundation with her is more solid. The fact that she wanted to show you off & see how you fit into her group is a positive sign. I'd give her 1-2 more dates just to see
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