trnkstar Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 so about 2-3 months ago this girl started working there part time. anyways, she was nice/cute/talked alot. i instantly like her from the beginning and wanted to give things a shot. I soon found out she had fiance, so i took a step-back and didn't make a move. about 1-1 1/2 months ago she was having troubles with him and starting talking about it. and finally about 1 month ago she broke up with him and ever since then she has been pretty dis-configured. so once or twice she got drunk and texted me. "hey, come over and have sex with me and drink with me" stuff like that. the whole time i was like, "HELL YEAH" but i didnt rush that. Instead i asked her if she wanted me for me or me for the attention. She said she didnt know so in the end we stayed home. a week ago i went over her house and we had a bit too drink and we slept together(no sex, cause she didnt want too). we did fool around a bit. (making out, neck kisses and boob stuff). i liked her up to this moment and i felt even more alive by actually spending time alone with her even though we had no sex(which is probably a good thing). so the next couple of days im talking to her and basically she already knew i liked her but i told her about my feelings and how i felt about her and she said didnt know what she wanted and i said i completely understand. i was brave enough to ask if she might be interested in me in the future and she said maybe. so as much as i decided to wait i am also going to continue to hand with her and such. THE BIG QUESTION: so since we both know where each other stands, what happens now? i am going to wait but should i still make my presence known so ill be there when shes ready? also, she said we would fool around again and maybe have sex, but many people told me that i would be getting used for attention and she might not see me as a relationship partner later on. ANOTHER QUESTION: IF SHE IS LEADING ME ON TO USE ME FOR JUST ATTENTION SHOULD I SAY NO AND WAIT FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT OR JUST GIVE HER ANY ATTENTION? THIS IS WHAT I THINK: i should let her be for awhile but at the same time make my presence know so she sees me when she feels ready to date. she uses sex/attention as an escape. so if i get dragged into that i feel i wont be a reliable partner later on. as much as it pains me, i feel time will most likely have my answer. last but not least, how should i make my moves to help her recover?
Omei Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) Leave her alone Her getting drunk and randomly texting you to have sex with her is likely her hurt taking form in destructive ways. Shes seeking attention from any man who will give it and you made yourself an option Anything to lesson the pain and feel desired by men. I would leave her alone she's already using you as her rebound a future relationship with her is unlikely. Shes got quite a ways till shes over her ex and shes only in the starting stage the wild let lose drink and party till I dont care thing, she still has a long way to go and she wont see you as different when her head clears. Edited January 12, 2015 by Omei 3
Author trnkstar Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Should I still be the friend and hang out with her? As it is, this behavior just started, so is a future relationship possible if I play the waiting card?
Omei Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I dont think there's anything wrong with being just a friend But again as I said shes doing the party thing be easy and sleep with guys thing (shes picked you) If she was engaged to the guy and then they broke up it was prob a very serious relationship shes going relationship to not be herself and is is going to act out for a while. When her head clears and shes ready for a relationship again and who knows how long thats going to take could take a couple of years I doubt she would run into the arms of her rebound lay (you) But who knows 1
Redhead14 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 so about 2-3 months ago this girl started working there part time. anyways, she was nice/cute/talked alot. i instantly like her from the beginning and wanted to give things a shot. I soon found out she had fiance, so i took a step-back and didn't make a move. about 1-1 1/2 months ago she was having troubles with him and starting talking about it. and finally about 1 month ago she broke up with him and ever since then she has been pretty dis-configured. so once or twice she got drunk and texted me. "hey, come over and have sex with me and drink with me" stuff like that. the whole time i was like, "HELL YEAH" but i didnt rush that. Instead i asked her if she wanted me for me or me for the attention. She said she didnt know so in the end we stayed home. a week ago i went over her house and we had a bit too drink and we slept together(no sex, cause she didnt want too). we did fool around a bit. (making out, neck kisses and boob stuff). i liked her up to this moment and i felt even more alive by actually spending time alone with her even though we had no sex(which is probably a good thing). so the next couple of days im talking to her and basically she already knew i liked her but i told her about my feelings and how i felt about her and she said didnt know what she wanted and i said i completely understand. i was brave enough to ask if she might be interested in me in the future and she said maybe. so as much as i decided to wait i am also going to continue to hand with her and such. THE BIG QUESTION: so since we both know where each other stands, what happens now? i am going to wait but should i still make my presence known so ill be there when shes ready? also, she said we would fool around again and maybe have sex, but many people told me that i would be getting used for attention and she might not see me as a relationship partner later on. ANOTHER QUESTION: IF SHE IS LEADING ME ON TO USE ME FOR JUST ATTENTION SHOULD I SAY NO AND WAIT FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT OR JUST GIVE HER ANY ATTENTION? THIS IS WHAT I THINK: i should let her be for awhile but at the same time make my presence know so she sees me when she feels ready to date. she uses sex/attention as an escape. so if i get dragged into that i feel i wont be a reliable partner later on. as much as it pains me, i feel time will most likely have my answer. last but not least, how should i make my moves to help her recover? Your gut is likely correct. I wouldn't do anything that you think will "help her recover". Only she can do that. Do not feed her attempts to get comfort from you. She may not realize it herself, but she is using you to replace her former source of comfort. If she texts or calls you, be polite, but tell her you've moved on and wish her all the best. 2
Satu Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Place your romantic hopes elsewhere. All you'll get from investing them in her will be disappointment.
Author trnkstar Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 So basically if a relationship is possible I should cut ties with her for now and wait till she recovers,then I should give it a shot if still feel like it? So if I want to stop being the rebound guy I should stop giving her attention? (I'll still be her friend) (we also work together)
Redhead14 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 So basically if a relationship is possible I should cut ties with her for now and wait till she recovers,then I should give it a shot if still feel like it? So if I want to stop being the rebound guy I should stop giving her attention? (I'll still be her friend) (we also work together) A real relationship with her is not possible at this point. It would likely take years for her to recover and become the whole person she needs to be. Don't "wait' for her. Yes, stop giving her attention. Be polite and friendly and professional (since you work together), and nothing more. Do not respond to flirtatiousness from her either. 2
Author trnkstar Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 I'm gonna stay friends. Not worry about who she flirts/sleeps with. I can use the time to think. She needs time to think. I won't flirt with her. If we are meant to be,it'll happen. I wont "wait or waste my time" so I end up in disappointment. Is this my next best step?
Jessie1231 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 It is probably okay to stay friends, but don't feed her need for attention. As someone who just went through a bad breakup a few months ago, I did the exact thing she's doing to you with some of my guy friends and exes just to take my mind off of my breakup. It wasn't very nice of me, but I was so sad and wanted something - anything - to distract me from being sad about the person I actually cared about. The guys I was texting and seeing during that time didn't matter at all to me, but it did help to have friends during the time. Now that it's been a bit since my breakup and I feel ready to date again, I'm very very slowly starting a relationship with a guy who was a great friend to me during the really hard breakup. So maybe no relationship can happen right now and maybe it never will, but being a friend right now is helpful and may eventually turn into something more. 2
Author trnkstar Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Thank you,that sounds like a really good idea,lol
Recommended Posts