An0nymiss666 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Last night, he said we had to talk and called me. I knew it was coming because things have gone sour for a few months now, to the point where I think were at each others throats. I thought about breaking up with him a month ago because I thought that's where this was going anyway, but I didn't do it. So now after about a year and a half, it's over. I thought he was really it for me, the one. I don't need to go into the details that everyone says about their significant other. We got each other. We were similar in the best of ways and wanted the same things out of life. I guess that's a typical thing for me to say, "he was the one." I'm sorry this is so long but thank you if you bear with me. It's just so hard...this is only day one of no contact. I am trying so hard to convince myself this is the best. He's already blocked me on everything, social media, and I can only assume my number. We did not have major issues...we didn't have stupid big blow-out fights. No abuse. I have no reason to think or assume he ever cheated. We only bickered every so often and just had little disagreements about things. Only until the very end...it seemed like we were just at each others throats all of the time ready to blow up. Like we were always on edge. It seemed like he just tried so hard to make me mad, just picking and picking at me. Then he would get extremely mad in return when I blew up. He would just say he was teasing me and that I needed to chill out and that I was being “nasty.” But he wasn't teasing me, it's not like he was lightheartedly joking around with me. He was trying to get me mad. Didn't make much sense to me. I know the difference between joking around and hostility. This turned into a long distance relationship after the 1 year mark. He moved about 7 hours away, he got a "real" job, a career. At that time we decided to make things work until I could move there. I visited him for a week, about a month after he moved. Everything was great. He started acting completely different a few weeks after I got back from my visit. He said the distance was getting to him, and that we should consider going our separate ways, but that he didn't necessarily want to break up. I'm thinking okay, we'll get through this. After this I got fewer and fewer texts, he was starting to ignore me sometimes. We would talk on the phone once in a while but typically he wouldn't answer my calls. He told me he hated talking on the phone and it annoyed him that I was trying to call him. Which I knew he hated the phone, but he had never said that TO ME before. I don't think once a week in a long distance relationship is much to ask. I'm sorry I want to hear about your day/week and hear your voice. Geez. When I asked about what the problem was, he either ignored me or kept changing the reason. With the massive change in communication, I obviously became upset and confronted him about it. He would keep saying he was "tired of having this conversation." But every time he gave me something, it was a different reason. Sometimes it was the distance, then he said he felt like he didn't need to text me 24/7. I get that. I wasn't clingy. I get that it's annoying when someone is blowing up your phone because you didn't answer right away. But when I ask how your day was and say that I miss you and you never have a response...there's something wrong with that. Then he started saying he just didn't feel the same about me, which hurt. He said I always had an attitude and was nasty to him which wasn't true. I have mood swings like any other girl, but nothing we didn't work out if we were having a bad day. I'm not his first girlfriend certainly this can't be new to him... He told me he talked to his brother about it (as if it were some anomaly). And when his brother said that it was normal for people to have mood swings, he kept making other excuses like I supposedly was like that all of the time. Like he was trying to find a reason. Every time he talked to someone about an “issue” and they told him not to worry about it he would change it or make things up. He did have some narcissistic traits. I knew this before getting into the relationship. I didn't know him well at all, I only knew who he was. I always thought he had an arrogant way about him. However, these behaviors were never really directed at me, at least not for a long time. I think our honeymoon phase lasted a long time. Things were perfect, and then things very slowly started to come out until the end when it suddenly hit the fan and got very bad. It started to feel like a master-servant type relationship. I felt like I had to walk on eggshells to please him, or I was constantly hoping that what I said or did would make him happy. Towards the end he was never really rude but only neutral in his demeanor towards me. I felt lucky if he said something sweet or went out of his way in an act of kindness. Or I lived for texts from him. Things like that. He was here for two weeks for the holidays and left me here with a false sense of security....and breaks up with me a week later. He spent nearly every single day with me over the holidays. He was kind to me and spent a lot of time and money with me, going out to eat a lot and such. We exchanged Christmas gifts and we both got each other very nice things. I know materials and money really mean nothing, but why would he go out of his way to do all of this? Why would he bother spending so much time with me and we even went to each others family functions on Christmas. I just don't understand. I still had a feeling in my gut, but things were good. I asked him about everything he said, about going our separate ways, and he told me he was going to see how he felt when he got back here, and he no longer felt that way. He acted and made me feel like everything was going to be OK. When the day finally came for him to leave, he seemed very sad and hugged me for a long time saying how much he was going to miss me and everything, and how it would be OK. He said that he would call me when he got home, or on the way with his earpiece. He never did. After telling me everything would be fine, doing all of these nice things and spending his time. The second he left he was back to barely acknowledging me. Mid-week I asked him what gives again and he gave me the speech about being sick of this conversation. He also said this is how it's going to be, and if I don't like it to find someone else. Then he barely spoke to me the next couple of days. Until last night. He left last Sunday and broke up with me last night, Saturday. Didn't even last a week...he said he isn't and can't be “interested” in being nice to me anymore and “he doesn't feel the same and nothing will make him fall in love with me again.” He said he warned me that his patience only went so far and he lost it with me a long time ago. It also seemed like he started grabbing at all of these other strange random reasons like "he didn't think his parents liked me anymore" well why? And that "I didn't like his dog." Like....what?!?! I just don't understand. Everything he's done for me. When he left me here thinking everything was OK then it's like a switch went back off when he left and now we aren't together anymore...less than a week later. I am SO sad, but I almost feel liberated. I don't know how long it will take me to get over this. I guess I am no longer left wondering how he feels, or when/if this relationship will turn around. When he will act like he loves me again. Everything reminds me of him and it's so hard when I almost go to tell him something that happened, or snap a picture of something that I'd send to him. But oh well, I guess. At the same time I deserve better than the person he became and the questions that ran through my head every day. I am so glad for him earning a career, but unfortunately we are now in completely different places in our lives. I don't have a degree yet, I still have to work stupid jobs and pay for school, and there he is working his career. It would be a different story if he stayed in this area, but he moved to an expensive city where I'm not even sure I could pay rent, work, all while going to school, etc. It makes me sad, but I suppose that's the reality of it. At least I never gave up. I did everything I could. I still feel like I would do anything to work things out with him, though... For whatever reason he didn't block my mother on Facebook last night after we broke up. She came up to me this afternoon and told me he clearly isn't affected by any of this because he's carrying on like normal and posting pictures and whatnot talking about what he's doing with his dog today, etc. Perhaps she is trying to make me move on faster because he clearly doesn't care, and that's why he's gone...
Marco Valerio Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 He clearly doesn't want you in his life, and for sure shouldn't want to be in his either. You should focus on healing yourself, so think about going NC. Try to move on with your life, without spending much time on giving it second thoughts. There's much more for you out there, someone who will love you back in the same way you love them.
Author An0nymiss666 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 I am on Day 3 of no contact now. I just got a new job so I am excited on focusing on that, but it's just hard. I feel like I want to share the exciting news with him, he knew I was going for it. Either way, he blocked me on everything, but still. It's just so difficult when he even agreed that we didn't have any major issues that couldn't be resolved, but then why the did he even leave? We were so great for each other. I guess it's a normal feeling, but I still don't believe I will find another like him. It will be a long time before I can even move on, and even then I will definitely not make guys my priority.
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