Is an affair a character flaw? Or is everyone capable?

[Dybbuk]

Cheaters and the affairs they get themselves involved in are so complex, it's hard to specify a specific cause and root of this problem. Each affair is different. Hard to determine what 'went wrong' so that you could prevent it from happening in your own life.

 

The reality is anyone can cheat. The sooner you accept that your bf, your husband, your wife, your brother, your friend, and yes even yourself is capable of cheating, the sooner you can stop living in a bubble where everything is 'perfect' in your world.

 

As someone stated earlier, it's a combination of a person's nature, but also the environment they are in. Even good hearted people with lots of integrity have been driven to cheat because their toxic relationship has created an environment that is too unbearable to deal with anymore. Thus they find themselves in an affair. Is that right? No, but had both partners addressed the issue of their current relationship maybe it wouldn't have gone that far.

 

On the flip side, there have been people cheated on who are good, loyal, and didn't create any major problems in their relationship, and their partner cheated on them because the temptation was too great and deep down their cheating partner lacked maturity and were selfish. Still not right, but that is why it's important to be keen if the person you are dating has a lot character flaws that send up red flags that they may not be loyal to you.

 

To end... do I think my BF would ever cheat on me? No of course not. Is that going to make me complacent about our relationship and tell myself "Oh whatever we fight all the time, who cares it's not like he'll cheat on me!"... NO. Because if I don't address the issues in our relationship, and make my 100% best effort to show him I'm committed to him... then maybe he could get to that point, who knows?

[obtuseedge]

I can't speak for others, but for me, it was a matter of both a poor understanding of boundaries and a failure at resisting temptation and curiosity.

 

I was a first time cheater who didn't plan to cheat. But when I met my AP, the chemistry was so strong and we started out sharing things day by day and eventually the feelings became overpowering. I know now that I really should've stepped away from the situation from the beginning when feelings were developing, even at a great financial cost as we were intertwined in a project together.

[Starship]

No never.

 

I have zero sexual attraction for any man other than my partner. In between partners, there is a switch that is turned off. I don't think of sex. In contrast, when with my partner, I think of sex all he time.

 

The vast majority of people do not cheat..do not rob banks...do not inject heroine.

 

As a nurse one hears these excuses all the time...''I tried to keep clean but all my friends were....'. The excuse as stated in another post, of a 5 year old. Actually, 99% of mature adults were not doing heroine despite 'all your friends' doing it.

 

Morally week individuals with little integrity 'want' everyone to be as weak as they are. It is a defense that eases the low esteem. 'Everyone' is capable of....fill in the blank. No, the majority of people never have affairs yet had numerous opportunities but have made moral decisions.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think everyone is capable of cheating...however it doesn't mean they necessarily will. It comes down to that person, their particular situation and emotional/mental state. It can be a choice for some, as much of a choice it is for fat people to be fat, a bum to be poor or an addict to be addicted....these are technically "choices", but there's obviously more to it or behind it.

 

It's easy to say you will never do something and it doesn't even make you a better person for it, for not doing that particular thing...it doesn't mean you haven't done something cruel or will that will be equally shown as a equivalent "character flaw" or even selfish, but it's easy to make that claim when you're talking about a particular thing or situation you are not apart of...yet...I wonder what it would be like if everyone was able to judge everyone else knowing every little thing about them.

 

I think people love to smite cheaters because it's a socially easy target...like if a group of guys are making fun of someone being or acting gay.

 

But it's your typical Ferguson mob type mentality, a way for people to channel and vent frustrations that have more to do with their own personal resentment than it does have to do with the actual subject matter...it's not about being fair or accomplishing anything, it's more about being mad and expressing yourself.

 

It's funny how people work though, always more conscience and focused on someone else's flaws or behaviors than their own...let's face it, it's much easier to simply run youth mouth than fix yourself.

[atreides]

 

It's funny how people work though, always more conscience and focused on someone else's flaws or behaviors than their own...let's face it, it's much easier to simply run youth mouth than fix yourself.

 

This needs to be pinned somewhere. So true.

[TouchedByViolet]

I have never cheated and never will. I do think of myself higher than cheaters and will always do so. My close friends have also not cheated and I have broken off friendships for that sort of behavior. Cheating is a selfish act that demonstrates a lack of compassion, courage, and integrity. It is a betrayal. People do make mistakes and second chances are an option in special cases but they have to be earned.

 

There are few things in life we have control over and cheating is one of them.

[BlueIris]

I view cheating as a character flaw-absolutely! It’s a choice to harm the marriage, to rip out its foundation of trust and fidelity, fidelity in the broadest meaning of the word. I think that cheaters should end the marriage directly and honestly instead of dismantling it in a backhanded way. Kind of stereotypically for women I guess, it is the dishonesty and taking advantage of the BS that is most appalling to me. I think it's called "cake eating" here.

 

Capability is irrelevant. We're all capable of theft or murder too. It's action that is the determinant of character.

[Starship]

I have never cheated and never will. I do think of myself higher than cheaters and will always do so. My close friends have also not cheated and I have broken off friendships for that sort of behavior. Cheating is a selfish act that demonstrates a lack of compassion, courage, and integrity. It is a betrayal. People do make mistakes and second chances are an option in special cases but they have to be earned.

 

There are few things in life we have control over and cheating is one of them.

 

This is why I would not date a man who was ever involved in cheating. Firstly, the act is wrong. Secondly it says that there are circumstances in which he doesn't have moral strength. New situations needing integrity will arise in future in life...choices to be made. Pressures. Temptations. It could be in any number of areas...fidelity, honesty, loyalty, etc.

[Starship]

 

Capability is irrelevant. We're all capable of theft or murder too. It's action that is the determinant of character.

 

So true. Fortunately the majority of people make moral choices everyday and have the character to look beyond the moment.

 

Psychology has known for years that people assume most other people would act like they do. Thieves assume most people would steal...those who cheat assume most people would cheat. In contrast, most people who are honest assume most people are honest, etc.

[BlueIris]

So true. Fortunately the majority of people make moral choices everyday and have the character to look beyond the moment.

 

Psychology has known for years that people assume most other people would act like they do. Thieves assume most people would steal...those who cheat assume most people would cheat. In contrast, most people who are honest assume most people are honest, etc.

 

That's so true!! That's why it's so important to find out how someone views other people. It reveals how they think, not how others think.