want2change Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 I have a wonderful boyfriend, whom I am totally in love with. It's a long distance relationship for now, but we are getting ready to move (and move in) together by the end of april. We've had some issues from time to time, like any other couple. But there is a much bigger problem that my bf is begining to realize, and I've been trying to get control over, but it just keeps getting worse. I am completely obsessed with checking all of his private things. His email, his friendster, his myspace, his aim, his files on his comp, his cell phone, his stuff his room...EVERYTHING! I know all his codes and passwords so I do this routinely, its become a daily habit! I can't stop myself. I am constantly looking to find something bad, to see if he's doing anything shady on the side, or looking for signs of him being unfaithful. I never have found anything really, but I still do this everyday, and ofcourse when you're actively looking for trouble, you inevidibly create it. So a lot of our fights have resulted from this. He knows, I've done this, I dont think he knows how much though...he's not even that mad, he thinks it sucks that I can't just trust him and I know he must feel controlled if I have to constatly be monitoring him. I know what I am doing is wrong, I know I should not do any of this, I should trust him and only react if something bad happens for real...but instead I'm trying to look for something bad in anticipation...waiting for something bad to happen. When I look at the facts, I know its rediculous that he would cheat on me or betray me in any way...he always is doing all he can for us to be together, he is very loving, we talk everyday a lot, and visit a lot, and we're planning to move in together soon. But for some reason this is not enough to make me stop. I should probably get a hobby or something, instead of wasting all this time worrying about what he's doing and checking all his stuff. I know the source of this is my own insecurity, not him....but how do I stop? Please give me any advice! I want this relationship to work. I love him so so so much. But I'm worried one of these days it's going to all blow up in my face b/c I tried to have so much control over everything.
Pocky Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 Why don't you just stop? I honestly don't understand. You have to make the decision to check his email and his files. It's not like you're doing this in your sleep and you have no control over your actions. I can't believe he hasn't changed his passwords if he knows you've checking up on him constantly. Just stop. Seriously. You're not a child that doesn't know how to control your own actions. Grow up and be an adult. He's given you no reason to distrust him. You haven't found anything that would indicate he's cheating and he even knows you're doing this and hasn't bothered to change the passwords. Yes, it's as easy as that. Just stop doing it.
moimeme Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 You could be developing OCD. If you try to stop and cannot, get yourself to a physician.
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