Leegh Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Have you ever dated/married someone or perhaps knew someone whose professional bio on-line looked great, and they had a professional job with a good company, but when you got to know the person they were a total flake? I'm not saying unintelligent, but unreliable, selfish, cheap, and possibly narcissistic. I guess a person just has to go out with a "new" person a number of times before they discover the negative aspects of the person, but it is a bit depressing when you date professionals and then you find out that some of them (not all, of course) are downright losers. Has anyone else had this experience?
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Have you ever dated/married someone or perhaps knew someone whose professional bio on-line looked great, and they had a professional job with a good company, but when you got to know the person they were a total flake? I'm not saying unintelligent, but unreliable, selfish, cheap, and possibly narcissistic. I guess a person just has to go out with a "new" person a number of times before they discover the negative aspects of the person, but it is a bit depressing when you date professionals and then you find out that some of them (not all, of course) are downright losers. Has anyone else had this experience? Yes, I am a professional and I have stopped dating professionals. I met a great deal of highly educated with impressive careers men who were emotionally weak. I find it even more to be true if those men grew up in comfortable families where they never had to fetch for themselves. The type of men daddy gave them a car at 16, their Uni was paid, etc. I imagine a woman that had the same kind of up bringing would match better with them. 2
Atticus9292012 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) I have noticed that too. I think its because a lot of highly educated people had a lot given to them like Geata said. I try to look for selfish/flakey behavior early on. It's usually first noticeable in little things. Where you go, what you do together, and how they treat strangers. Edited January 11, 2015 by Atticus9292012 Misposted
Danda Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I think no matter what most first dates are going to be disappointing, and the majority of people you date for a short while will not be for you. If this were not the case then single people would be rare haha. My aunt is highly educated but she worked her ass off and slowly paid for it on her own with no support from family (my grandparents). She is a very hard worker and down to earth, appreciates what she has, etc. Some people who are highly educated and successful earned it by busting their butts, so I wouldn't rule out a prospect just because they have a lucrative degree and such. It could wind up being ironic if you automatically judge a person's character based on things like their education, for fear that they will be judgemental and spoiled.
Atticus9292012 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Oh I have a law degree and work in the legal field. I would not say generally all of them had it handed it to them. Half the lawyers I work with came from nothing. I just have noticed they are some like op described and its frustrating.
coolheadal Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Professional or not, just don't know who your dealing until you go full circle with them and still might never know still. Their past might not be what you had hope? When you find out about their past (hopefully they confess and tell you the truth) then the shock on your face is the results of the that had told you. 1. Polygamist 2. Psychopathy 3. Sociopathy 4. Anti-Social 5. Compulsive liar 6. No Morals 7. Cheater 8. Narcissistic (already mentioned in the first post) 9. Monogamous 10. Polyamory
candie13 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Sorry, no such classification is possible. You may meet professionals who are flake. Blue collar guys who are flake. Artists. Cashiers. Anyone. It's not about what they do, it's about who they are. Losing interest in a person is not a sin, but acting with lack of consideration is an active choice. So, instead of trying to make artificial classifications that do not reflect the reality, focus on how you can better cope with the reality: catch the early signs. If your intuition tells you that you might have a flake in front of you, stop making any efforts and look at how he reacts. Step back and watch how they act and their reasoning. Of course, that implies you give up the expectations and selfprojections, which is the trickiest part. But at least start with something that's within your control to do the weeding out.
al78 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Sorry, no such classification is possible. You may meet professionals who are flake. Blue collar guys who are flake. Artists. Cashiers. Anyone. It's not about what they do, it's about who they are. Losing interest in a person is not a sin, but acting with lack of consideration is an active choice. The voice of reason.
preraph Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 There's really no way to screen out irresponsible people because if you ask, they will think they're responsible and use themselves for the "normal" middle of the responsible scale. A whole lot of people will lie about their financial circumstances and it's not anything you can ask until you're in kind of deep either, but you just have to keep your eyes open. Cheap people never think they're cheap either. But that is something you can find out usually on the first couple of dates just by observing. A big thing to me would be if a guy is a pig who won't pick up after himself. I guess with OLD, you could put in there that you like people who pick up after themselves and keep their place relatively clean. But then guys get their hair up as if you don't have the right to make any demands on OLD and a certain amount of them think that makes you controlling or bossy, so I've heard online dating experts say don't put negative things like that, but I would if it were me. Because I don't want the ones who are that quick to call someone they never met bossy either.
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 There is no categorization here. OP was wondering about flakes specifically with professionals. Yes there are flaky people everywhere and in every walk of life but we're not talking about them. When I started dating I concentrated only on meeting professionals. To me a professional meant he had his act together, he was generous, he understood principals better like selflessness, politeness, respect. I discovered quite quickly there were 2 kinds of professionals. The ones that worked their way up, and the ones that everything had been handed to them. The later tend to me more flaky. 1
lovexocoach Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Just because they're a "professional" doesn't mean they're right (or wrong) for you. As you pointed out, you have to get to know a man first by interacting with him and observing him before finding out if he's right for you.
carhill Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I don't recall knowing anything significant about partner's jobs or careers before starting to date them, though there certainly were some women I approached where I did know a bit about such matters prior to asking them out since I met them in work (mainly vendor/customer) environments. Those interactions resulted in rejections so didn't go anywhere. I never developed any correlation between apparent career and personality factors. Each person was unique. Perhaps, as a control, you could date some blue collar guys or business owners to determine commonalities, or lack thereof. If you're only choosing to date professionals and only in one demographic, you may be getting results from a very narrow field of dating potentials. Even if your goal is to marry and have a family with a professional white collar person, more experience can assist in finding that healthy relationship. Good luck!
EgoJoe Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Spotting flakey behavior is as easy as waiting until you have established at least tentative interest and then being incredibly direct followed by carefully analyzing their reaction. 1
Frivolous Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Spotting flakey behavior is as easy as waiting until you have established at least tentative interest and then being incredibly direct followed by carefully analyzing their reaction. This is my method and unfortunately the results have been around 95% flakey when tested on OLD. Apparently there is a very fine line between genuine and desperate Maybe I just haven't cracked that yet or maybe these so called professionals are too smart for dating in the real world. They go online, write a professional profile, meet people and then professionally waste our bloody time! 1
FitChick Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 A big thing to me would be if a guy is a pig who won't pick up after himself. I guess with OLD, you could put in there that you like people who pick up after themselves and keep their place relatively clean. I heard online dating experts say don't put negative things like that. I just say that I appreciate a tidy home.
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