Photofinish Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Okay so I became official with someone yesterday. He is a really sweet and funny guy. My last ex abandon me a few days after my father passed away and tried to manipulate me for sex after making it seem it was okay we werent having any for the 6 months we were together. It sorta traumatized me I wont lie . I've told him about this and he also knows im a virgin. He also knows I did not want to have sex with my ex after 6 months and that he tried to manipulate me for it . He still pursued me . It is weird to have a talk with him to tell him i'm probably going to take a while before I feel ready? I know it sounds weird but im really scared of getting hurt again because I'm not ready to be sexually active. I'm just not ready for the responsibilities of sex. My last relationship was basically me getting ready to become sexually active (He was a 25 yr old virgin ) . Once I decided I didnt want to he just turned after telling me he loved me , etc.It was really scary and he said things that I still think about. Maybe I can have a conversation about what exactly he wants out of our relationship? My new boyfriend is very respectful. He doesnt even mention sex or anything like that. We have alot of fun when we are together . He is 19 (Not a virgin) and I am 22 (Yikes . I hate that age gap haha) It is weird? Is there a better way to go about this?
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 You definitely need to have a conversation on both your expectation towarad sex especially that he is not a virgin and you are. Once you have been intimate you rarely can go back to abstinence for a long period of time. It's no one's fault, sex is very intimate and powerful when we're in love. You need to know what is his time frame and your time frame in terms of intimacy.
Author Photofinish Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 I guess. I wasnt expecting to put a time frame down, just more of a headsup that I wont be ready soon...I mean It kinda feels like my old relationship where I was putting a countdown on my virginity . @_@
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I dated a man once that wanted to wait 5 months to be intimate. That was his time frame. I ended it. He was not a bad man, I was just unwilling at my age, to invest 5 months into a man without knowing if I was sexually compatible with him. Your new man is not a virgin. He may be willing to wait for you but I can assure you if your time frame is in years you better tell him, he may not want to sign up for it.
Author Photofinish Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 I dated a man once that wanted to wait 5 months to be intimate. That was his time frame. I ended it. He was not a bad man, I was just unwilling at my age, to invest 5 months into a man without knowing if I was sexually compatible with him. Your new man is not a virgin. He may be willing to wait for you but I can assure you if your time frame is in years you better tell him, he may not want to sign up for it. I dont think he minds. I was kinda drunk today and I sorta mentioned it and he said something like "I'm with you tho right?".... It wasnt a serious talk though... How do I even start he actual conversation ?
Els Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I dont think he minds. I was kinda drunk today and I sorta mentioned it and he said something like "I'm with you tho right?".... It wasnt a serious talk though... How do I even start he actual conversation ? The same way you did with us. Explain your reasons and that you're a virgin. If he's compatible with you, he'll understand your need to take your time. That being said, what exactly are your boundaries? While people often use the two terms interchangeably, there is actually quite a bit of wiggle room between sexual activity and intercourse. Given that you mention not being ready for the 'responsibility of sex', what do you think of sexual acts like mutual oral, that do not come with the risk of pregnancy? (They still come with risk of STDs, though, so you still need to be judicious about that) 1
Author Photofinish Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Okay after he took me home last night I told we had to talk about something serious sometime. He seemed worried (he really likes me) Wish me luck! I'll prob talk about it today 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 If he really likes you and wants to continue moving forward with your relationship he will respect your wishes. Just be honest with him right from the start. Good luck 1
Author Photofinish Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 It went well guys. He said he already figured that and he isnt expecting anything from me . He said he is very confident in the fact that it wont bother him much and he knew when we got into a relationship. I guess I finally take my time Thank you all! 1
Els Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 It went well guys. He said he already figured that and he isnt expecting anything from me . He said he is very confident in the fact that it wont bother him much and he knew when we got into a relationship. I guess I finally take my time Thank you all! Happy to hear that! 1
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