alwayswondering Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 Well, BF and I are both 29, been together 3 months. Both very , very happy and in love. Have been talking about the future and both feel like we want to be together forever, marriage, family...........want the same things...... Well, the other night, he brought up maybe looking at rings one day soon, just to get an idea of what I want, becuase he has to set aside money and plan and all that to get it and pay on it and all that.................am I crazy to consider something like this so soon? Is is a recipe for disaster? The ring/engagement would not come for at least severla months, like 6 at least, but are we crazy to consider something this permament so soon? Both of us have been in prior relationships, I was a hard core party animal for years, but have settled down greatly even before meeting BF and know I am ready for this and know who I am and what I want now, have sowed all my wild oats......and so has he. I am just concerned about timing and it being too soon but it really feels ok within my heart. My friends and family would freak! Of couse, all of them got married because of pregnancy and insurance purposes and all that, so I know, who are they to judge me, I wouldn't tell anyone about this anyway til the actual engagement, months later. Just need some honest opinions, I have never been engaged, he was married previously but he was very young and there is no baggage left or anything like that.......................... thanks for the advice
tiki Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 I tend to agree with the saying that recommends being with someone through the four seasons. This way, you've seen them through a years worth of trials and tribulations. BUT...if it's love, then let it be love. And screw the rules!
moimeme Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 am I crazy to consider something like this so soon? Yes. Is is a recipe for disaster? Probably. The ring/engagement would not come for at least severla months, like 6 at least, but are we crazy to consider something this permament so soon? Yep. Oh, people will answer with their tales of 'knowing' in 24 hours or two weeks or whatever, but for the most part, people think they 'know' after a few months and then change their minds. The lifespan of a relationship is such that the first three months are almost always fabulous. If you have hit it off at all, then the first three months are often bliss. That's because you can't possibly get to know another human that quickly. At that point, all the love hormones are flowing ultra-furiously and you're both behaving your very very best - and ignoring the other's flaws. That can last for another 3 - 6 months or so. Then cracks start to show. Suddenly the 'quirk' becomes a flaw and more annoying. This is where the love chemicals wear off and you start seeing each other as real, flawed humans. If you survive that, decide the flaws aren't that bad, and still love each other for another six months or so, then probably you should think marriage. If you're meant to be, a year won't make a difference. If you're not, rushing into engagement and marriage will only cause you endless trouble. A year will usually be sufficient to sort out whether or not there are any deal-breakers. I have to disagree with Tiki's 'if it's love, go for it'. Plenty of people think they're in love during that first blissful three months only to find it wearing off when reality hits. Wait until reality has hit before you decide you're actually in love. Our hormones are designed to fool us into mating so that we propagate the species. Don't fall for it
clynn Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 If it is the right thing to do, it will still be the right thing to do in a year.
Cecelius Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 What they said. I think HE deserves to get dumped for moving so fast. On the other hand, you have him eating out of your hand now.
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