Anna48 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year. This is my first relationship and I'm 20. I'm a really shy and this is why I started dating so late. I don't have much knowledge of how relationships work. Let me start off by saying I rea love my boyfriend, he means the entire world to me. He says I'm the best thing that's happened to him, he has even mentioned to me that he really wants to marry me. Unfortunately, I lack of a lot confidence and have been depressed for a couple years now. I started noticing that all these girls on Facebook like his things constantly, leaving him flirtatious comments. This upsetted me, but he said not to worry. He would be on the middle of showing something of Facebook and a girls name would pop out on the chat, he would just close it and not address it. I started getting paranoid and did what I swear never to do, I snooped through his Facebook. To my surprise, I found he chatted to quite a bunch of these girls. He straight flirted with them; calling them "cute", "gorgeous", "doll", asking for their numbers and even saying "I wish you were here" or "you should come over". I even saw he told his ex that the only reason that they weren't dating is because he didn't have a car, well he has a car now! What if the girls did hang out with him? I Felt crushed after seeing these, it made me feel like I wasn't special or good enough for him. I confronted him about it, but he was just mad at me for snooping, which is completely understandable, he denied all of it, but I can't help it. I know what I saw. I was warned by his last ex that he had cheated on her plenty of times during their relationship. Plus, we started flirting when he was in a relationship. How do I know that he won't do this to me. He says I dont trust him, but how could I? I really love him and I know he love me too. He has made me so much happier, but I want to feel like I'm special an the only one; just the way he is too me. Any advise, how could I make things better? I really don't want to end this relationship. And please just tell me if I'm being crazy and jealous, and let me know how to fix if so.
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 He is already doing to you what he did to his last girlfriend. End the relationship and find yourself a real boyfriend. I know you don't want to hear it but in life you will rarely hear what you want to hear. Your boyfriend is a cheater and by the looks of it he will always be a cheater. You need to end this and work on your self-confidence. At 20 you don't need to be in a relationship, especially not with a cheating moron like this. 6
Frank2thepoint Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I was warned by his last ex that he had cheated on her plenty of times during their relationship. Normally when an ex decides to give their opinion about your relationship, it means the person is really jealous and wants to destroy what you have. But, since his actions of flirting with other girls illustrate a different view of your boyfriend, his ex giving you this tidbit is all you need to know. To answer your question, it is not okay for your boyfriend to flirt with other girls in any way. You have seen with your own eyes what he is doing, and his ex's warning is a revelation about the reality. Unfortunately your boyfriend will not stop flirting with other girls. He will definitely even go out of his way to try to hook up with these girls. Unfortunately, I lack of a lot confidence and have been depressed for a couple years now. Any advise, how could I make things better? I really don't want to end this relationship. And please just tell me if I'm being crazy and jealous, and let me know how to fix if so. The biggest concern here is your mental health and self respect. Your lack of self respect and depression is affecting your decision to end this relationship. It is unhealthy for you. All it is doing is giving you the shovel which you are using to dig yourself deeper. Your low self esteem is convincing you to depend on this guy being in your life. The truth is you don't need such a guy in your life. He doesn't respect you, and you know very well that you deserve someone that does respect you. You can't fix him, nor stop him from flirting with other girls. The only thing you can fix is you. Remove yourself from the situation. End the relationship and cut all contact. By doing this, you are protecting yourself, and nurturing your self worth. 3
abby_tx Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 huge red flag. drop him. if you have confidence issues they're going to get worse sticking around this douchebag. 1
dragonfire13 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 You're not being crazy or jealous. Sure, snooping is a violation of his privacy, but your concerns turned out to be right. This guy sounds incredibly immature, collecting hotties on social media. He is acting like he is single. Whether you want to be in a relationship like that is up to you, but I wouldn't and I would drop him. Honestly, you deserve better. This is likely to lead onto more high risk behaviour in the future. Save yourself the potential heartbreak. 1
preraph Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Look, it's not okay. He can't be YOUR boyfriend and still be flirting with girls. But having said that, he is only 20 and probably isn't ready to settle down and raise a family for at least another 10 years. As much as it hurts, he likely will end up dating other girls at some point. And you'll likely end up dating other guys. Because you're young and you are in the middle of fast mental growth, and this makes people change and many times one outpaces the other. Your brains aren't fully formed until mid-twenties. That's when the change slows down. You need to have a talk with him. If he really loves you, he will not want to hurt you. So tell him this hurts and insults you and that while you are "only having eyes for him," he is flirting with everything in a skirt. Cry, but be firm that if he does it, you're going to do it -- and then follow through. He will either peel it back or he will jump at the opportunity to break up. But change needs to occur or you may find you waste another two years and then find out he has baby with some hookup off the internet. Tell him you're hurt, tell him this is not what exclusivity is about. See what he says or does. good luck. 1
veggirl Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Break up with him! Please! You are only 20, first bf...please don't start the pattern of putting up with horrible behavior from men and making excuses for them. You are in for some very tumultuous relationships if you do. Respect yourself, you know what he's doing isn't okay. It makes you feel bad and he doesn't care enough to stop. So YOU need to care for yourself and dump him. 2
Satu Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 He says I dont trust him, but how could I? I really love him and I know he love me too. He has made me so much happier, but I want to feel like I'm special an the only one; just the way he is too me. Any advise, how could I make things better? I really don't want to end this relationship. And please just tell me if I'm being crazy and jealous, and let me know how to fix if so. RED FLAG. He's cheating on you. He's a habitual cheater. He will hurt you. If you don't to be hurt, get rid of him. 1
A O Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Is it okay for my boyfriend to talk flirtatiously to other girls on Facebook....each to their own but in my world the answer is NO 1
ComingInHot Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Listen closely to what I am saying here, flirting with the opposite sex while in a relationship is WRONG, not to mention greatly disrespectful. He is doing your self esteem and depression nothing but increasing it. Is this what you really want in a partner? Best wishes to you* 1
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Flirty comments like compliments or even the use of certain terms of endearment wouldn't bother me at all. The minute he started saying "wish you were here" or asking them to come over, that crossed a line. I would talk to him before you dumped him. Tell him that his FB comments to other girls upset you & make you feel like he doesn't value you. Ask him to change his ways. If he is unwilling, then you know that you don't rate very high in his world & your decision about what to do next should be easier.
MissBee Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year. This is my first relationship and I'm 20. I'm a really shy and this is why I started dating so late. I don't have much knowledge of how relationships work. Let me start off by saying I rea love my boyfriend, he means the entire world to me. He says I'm the best thing that's happened to him, he has even mentioned to me that he really wants to marry me. Unfortunately, I lack of a lot confidence and have been depressed for a couple years now. I started noticing that all these girls on Facebook like his things constantly, leaving him flirtatious comments. This upsetted me, but he said not to worry. He would be on the middle of showing something of Facebook and a girls name would pop out on the chat, he would just close it and not address it. I started getting paranoid and did what I swear never to do, I snooped through his Facebook. To my surprise, I found he chatted to quite a bunch of these girls. He straight flirted with them; calling them "cute", "gorgeous", "doll", asking for their numbers and even saying "I wish you were here" or "you should come over". I even saw he told his ex that the only reason that they weren't dating is because he didn't have a car, well he has a car now! What if the girls did hang out with him? I Felt crushed after seeing these, it made me feel like I wasn't special or good enough for him. I confronted him about it, but he was just mad at me for snooping, which is completely understandable, he denied all of it, but I can't help it. I know what I saw. I was warned by his last ex that he had cheated on her plenty of times during their relationship. Plus, we started flirting when he was in a relationship. How do I know that he won't do this to me. He says I dont trust him, but how could I? I really love him and I know he love me too. He has made me so much happier, but I want to feel like I'm special an the only one; just the way he is too me. Any advise, how could I make things better? I really don't want to end this relationship. And please just tell me if I'm being crazy and jealous, and let me know how to fix if so. You can't make things better. You're not the one flirting with other women, he is. It is up to him to make it better and I'm afraid he doesn't seem interested in it. I know you love him and care about him and want to be special, but many women have wasted their time trying to be special to a man who did not have eyes for only them and ran themselves into the ground trying to do so. You're just 20, you haven't dated a lot, and believe it or not, most people tend to date more than one person before marrying them. Saying that to say, this current bf is not husband material and while it might hurt to break up, you will get over it and will likely go on to date a few others before settling down and they can be much better than he is. You're shy and lack confidence and have been depressed, which is something you'll have to keep working on, but being with a cheater will NOT help. It is even easier for a man who is like that to manipulate someone who already has low self-esteem and he'll just eventually end up making you feel worse about yourself. I don't believe that once a cheater always a cheater, but I do believe that there are some folks who cheat and truly learn and grow and others who are flippant about it and don't care, have no remorse, think they did nothing wrong and they don't really respect any relationship they're in and always act single no matter who they're with. Your boyfriend seems like the latter. He cheated on his ex multiple times and the same way he's now flirting with other women and telling them to come over and he wishes they were there is the same way you got him, by flirting with him while he was with someone. This guy has no boundaries and maybe one day he will grow up, but today isn't the day and tomorrow won't be it either most likely. What you're saying shows he has a track record of cheating and even you met him that way and he's currently flirting with other women while with you....sorry, but I don't think this will end well. I'd prepare myself to leave him as what he's doing is unacceptable and he will never admit it. Edited January 12, 2015 by MissBee
kendahke Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) we started flirting when he was in a relationship. How do I know that he won't do this to me. QUOTE] You don't. What ever he did with you, he will do to you. Why was it OK for you to flirt with him when he was with someone else, but now, it' s not OK for him to flirt with others just because he's with you? Were you being fair to the girl he was with by participating in/encouraging the flirtation? This guy is not the guy for you. Him telling you he really wants to marry you some day is not reason enough to stay with him when he's chasing in behind other women behind your back. For your own sake and the sake of your lack of self esteem and self confidence, you need to drop him. His actions are going to run to you ground. Seeing that you have no prior experience in dealing with guys, let me tell you that there are guys out there who do not do what this guy does. Just because you busted him doesn't mean that he's going to stop. His ex knew he cheated, but that didn't stop him from cheating. All he's going to do now is cover his tracks better. This boils down to the kind of person he is; and are you liking the person you have to become in order to deal with him? Also, karma is a "you know what". Don't flirt with any more guys who are in relationships. It doesn't feel too good when what you participated in gets turned around on you. Edited January 12, 2015 by kendahke
Recommended Posts