Is this WORTH it to end my committed relationship? I am still being analytical

[HisPresence]

First of all, I'm sorry for my bad grammars English. English is not my native language, and sorry for the long post.

 

Me and my boyfriend have a good relationship. We both are two Financial Independent adults in our late twenties. And when two Financial Independent people get together, we Don't 'Need' each others but we togther simply because we "Want" to be with each others.

I have no problem end it with him right now because I have my own job, my own place, my own car. I pay for my own bills, I pay for my own everything, and I don't use his money.

Same to him, he have his own full time job, and he also pay of for his own things.

The relationship is it full of fidelity on both physical and emotional level. There is no third party between us.

 

Problem is few days ago my boyfriend's childhood friends; some his childhood friends got arrested for transporting and possession of cocaine, heroin and meth. This is hardcord drugs here, Not the simple marijuana stuff.

My boyfriend was at work at that time, so I know he have nothing to do with his childhood friends get arrested.

For sure he's at work, because he call me from work everytime when he on break. And I can tell from the background sounds that he is at work, no doubt about this.

 

As usual he drive back from work, and spend time with me and eat. Then he got a phone call from another friend of his who let him know about his childhood friends got arrested for posesssion and transporting hardcord drugs.

I overheard the conversation so I got very worried. And he was honest to me, he tell me exactly what happened about his friends. He said they got arrested for transportation and selling cocaine, heroin and meth.

They also got charges for Felony drugs crime. This is serious, because they going to be facing Jail time.

 

Obviously I'm very worried and I have reason to be, this is Hardcore drugs his childhood friends is doing here.

He rest assure me. He said he will not get arrested because he doesn't do drugs. There is No drugs in his body, or in his blood stream. He also doesn't possession drugs. There no drugs on him, there no drugs in his car, nothing for the police to find.

I do believe he honest with me because I'm his girl, and know his body smell too well. If there any different or drugs smell on his body, I would notice immediately.

 

I am just trying to analytical as much as I can, and I believe he is not doing drugs because:

We see each others everyday, and we sleep in the same bed. I never smell drugs on his body, never see it on his clothes, or on his skin.

I been inside his car many times, so I know he doesn't have drugs in his car. Also, I do his laundry, so I know there no drugs on his clothes neither.

Marijuan smell is very strong, this I can definately smell this on his body, but never I smell any.

Cocaine there is no smell; but if he do concaine, I would have see white substances on his clothes, or finger nails. I'm pretty sure he didn't sniff any, because if there any in his nose, I would see it.

 

And he have a full time job, he works alot. So he doesn't have time to hang around with his childhood friends much. However he do keep in touch with his chidlhood over the phone very often.

His job is strict, they do Criminal backgorund check, as well as check for DUI, and give him Drug test. And employer company still give random drugs test without telling their employee ahead of time, and my boyfriend Pass it all.

He have no criminal records, no DUI, pass all drugs test. So this further make me believe that he right now do not have drugs in his system.

 

My BF said he is Not Dumb, and asked me to trust him. He said he knows that his friends do hardcore drugs, that is why he Never go into his friends cars. He also Never let his friends go to his car. He Does NOT share rides with them.

He promise me that when he hang out with them watching NFL Football, if they start doing drugs, he would leave their place. He rest assure me, he said he knows how to protect himself.

 

He said he was aware that his friends do hardcore drugs, but he were Not aware that they transporting it.

He said they don't tell him their drugs activities. Things like this his friends don't share with him, because he is not a part of their druggie group.

Then I get curious and asked why they hang around with him when he doesn't do drugs? He said they still hang around, because they are childhood friends that grow up together. They know each others all their life, and his friends trust him for not selling them out just because he saw them do drugs. Okay, perhaps what he say make sense.

 

I think it pretty safe to say my BF is not doing drugs, unless he can HIDE it really well.

I can't be unreasonable and keep accuse him; unless I see or smell drugs on his body, or caught him red handed with drugs. Even with the police, they need to have solid proof before they can do anything.

 

I don't believe in changing a man. I accept him for who he is, and he have the rights to hang around with whatever 'types' of friends that he wants.

But what bothering me is few days ago his chidlhood friends got arrested for transpotting/possessuib Hardcore drugs here.

I will Not ask him to stop hanging around with other childhood. If I cannot accept his lifestyle, then I will just have to end this relationshp.

 

He is 29 already, and at this age I believe him when he said he won't let his chidlhood druggie friends pressure him into doing drugs.

But he keep hanging around with them; one day he will find himself in very complicated legal situation like 'guilty by association'

I know he doesn't do drugs; but if got busted, all his druggie friends as well as him will be charge with the same crime.

 

I am still being analytical, weighting the pros and cons. If it worth it for me end the relationship just because his childhood friends got arrested for drugs possession.

The key here, it wasn't him getting arrested. It was his friends that got arrested, and he got nothing related to their arrest.

He is a good BF, caring, loving; never cheats on me, and deeply committed.

But his circle of friends is making me feel unstable, and insecure. I am Not insecure about his love, I know he loves me. I am insecure because I don't know if one day if he going to get arrested just like his friends did. His circle of friends just Worrisome to me.

 

If you were in my situation, weighting all the pros an cons of this whole thing. Would you break up with him?

Please give me serious advice. Thank you so much, and I'm sorry for the long post. I have been worried for the past couple days, just worries and worries.

[Namja78]

I dont think its worth ending a committed relationship. It sounds like you have a hard working and smart man. And his childhood friends are just that his childhood friends.

[bathtub-row]

I think you'd know if he was doing hard drugs. I don't think him doing drugs is in question. It doesn't sound like he's selling them, either. If he were, it's doubtful that he would be working.

 

While he is putting himself in a compromising situation by hanging out with these guys, I'm not sure I'd break up with him over this. It may work itself out where all his friends go to jail for a really long time. Over time, your bf may get tired of these guys and make new friends. Maybe the two of you can agree that those friends never come to your house.

 

Btw, proper English for "he rest assured me" would be "he assured me". Hope that helps. You're English is pretty good, though.

[HisPresence]

Thank you Namja78 and bathtub-row,

 

I understand when people say "Monkey see, monkey do". But I have no ground to accuse him when he pass all his Criminal background check, and all random Drugs test at his job, he pass it too.

 

He have no DUI, and he also is a Health freak. He went to the Gym regularly, and he doesn't even smoke a cigarettes, let alone weeds.

 

I was fully aware of his druggie childhood friends, that he sometimes hang around with to watch NFL Football.

So when I first begin dating him; I told him my boundaries, I said no drugs if he wants to date me. He promise me no drugs, and he keep his promise eversince.

 

We have talk about this whole thing earlier; I was super stress out so I asked for some time to think if I want to continue the relationship.

And he said that it unfair that I'm thinking of giving him the death sentence of "Breaking up" just because of what his childhood friends do, something that the have no control over.

Well, he is right. He can't control what his childhood friends do, he only can control what himself do.

 

So far he have been a good BF, and keep his 'no drugs' promise with me.

He said he didn't cheat on me, he didn't do anything wrong in this relationship. So he think it not fair if I broke up with him just because of what his friends do.

 

Not if this matter, he does have a rough childhood though. His father was in gang/drugs related, always in and out of jail and deceased. He grow up absorb and saw all this from his dad.

He said he knows the pain of growing up with not have a father around. So he swore not to follow his dad footstep, because he doesn't want to put his future children in the same pain like him in his childhood.

 

He rest assured me that he won't do anything to end up in jail, because he won't left his mother and me. After his dad deceased, all he have left is his mother.

So it safe to say that I can trust him that he won't follow his dad footstep right?

Edited January 11, 2015 by HisPresence

[bathtub-row]

At some point, he may come to realize that those old friends can drag him down and could even put him in a bad situation. It would be good if he did. He doesn't seem to understand that the people he spends his time with influence his life. The problem is, these people are normal to him. It's great that he made good choices for himself but he would be better off staying away from these guys. This has to be his choice, though. If it really bothers you that much, you should break up with him. The truth is, I wouldn't be with a guy who hangs out with drug dealers.

[HisPresence]

And regarding his childhood friends (druggie or not) he grow up with them all his life, he can't just cut all ties with them, it understandable.

 

So "bathtub-row" vote goes to broke up with him right? Since you said you wouldn't date a man who have childhood friends that are drug-dealers.

 

But then I get an advice say this: [He doesn't do drugs simple as that, and he has reassured you to the heavens that he doesn't.

He sounds like he have his head screwed on.

 

Look if his friends all slept around and cheated all the time would that make him a cheater, No it wouldn't. People have different values and morals, his is different to his friends.

 

If he just keeps in touch with them time to time and he wasn't in the car while they we're transporting then he's fine. This isn't murder he can't get locked up by association when he didn't know anything about it, and wasn't there.]

 

I'm just throwing out different viewpoints here. I am still being analytical on this whole situation, so I can make a decission on my relationship.

Edited January 11, 2015 by HisPresence

[bathtub-row]

I'm just saying that, for me personally, I couldn't be with someone who has friends who are drug dealers. I don't think your bf is a bad guy but these friendships of his could potentially get him caught in the crossfire. Either by being arrested or getting caught in the middle of a shoot-out - just because he's at the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

My point is, you have to decide if it's a big enough deal to you. What if you have kids with him? This is a decision only you can make. If these guys aren't a big part of his life, then maybe it's not that big of a deal. It's hard to say. Your bf does sound like a good guy so this would be a hard decision.

[HisPresence]

This is the whole problem, he will NOT stop hang around with his druggie childhood friends.

He is fully are of his childhood friends are doing drugs, yet he still hang around with them.

Sure, he doesn't do drugs himself. But he acts like there is nothing wrong, and still choose to continue hang around with them.

 

Him being a smart ass think that he know how to keep himself out of legal trouble.

Perhaps if one day he got arrested, then he will finally open his eyes and see that hanging out with the wrong crowd can indeed be fatal!

 

I really don't have much of a choice in this; rather accept him that he going to be continue hanging around with this type of friends or end the relationship.

Which I don't know if it is worth to end the relationship over something that happened to his friends.