Cupcake Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 Is ADD/ADHD a good excuse for cheating on your mate? Just wondering because I'm dating a man who admitted to me that he has cheated on ALL of his XGF. He has ADD and he blames his actions on that. Now, I'm not sure if he's givng me a warning that he will cheat on me. He says he loves me and will never cheat on me. However, he has never been dumped by anyone. So he's never had his heart broken. He could be exagerrating to protect his ego. But most all of his XGF's are still friends with him. He even told me that some of his XGF's have been sex buddies from time to time. What do you think?
d'Arthez Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 First of all, you can't blame any action on a disorder. It might give an explanation to his behavior, but it cannot justify his behavior. If he knows he suffers from ADD / ADHD, has not it given him a clue to do something about the disorder? If not, move on. It will save you the heartache. He will have told quite a few of the exes exactly the same thing. A lot XGF's that are still friends with him, after he cheated on them? It is hard to make something positive of that, unless of course he was not discovered as cheating on them at the time. The sex buddy deal seems awkward at best, if they knew they had been cheated on. It is hard to keep your emotions out of such a relationship with the hurt of the cheating present. There might have been other things going on, which are not as flattering as they seem . The most important thing is, the consideration if he has worked on his issues. By blaming a disorder for his past behavior, it does not seem like that has happened. And until he has done that succesfully, you'd better not be getting involved with him in a serious way.
moimeme Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 d'Arthez is right. AD/HD can explain behaviour, but ought not be used as an excuse. If this guy isn't being treated and hasn't received counselling, it's likely he'll continue the behaviours. Thing is, he'll promise to not stray today and forget his promise tomorrow.
Numb Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 After hearing your story and what he has to say about how he cheats and has never had his heart broken, I would say break his heart before he breaks yours. What I'm saying is if he has cheated on all his XGF's then whats to say your not going to be next, of coarse he says he loves you and would never cheat on you but I would bet anything he has said the same to the other XGF's. Wouldn't you think??
Craig Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 Originally posted by Cupcake Is ADD/ADHD a good excuse for cheating on your mate? Just wondering because I'm dating a man who admitted to me that he has cheated on ALL of his XGF. He has ADD and he blames his actions on that. Now, I'm not sure if he's givng me a warning that he will cheat on me. He says he loves me and will never cheat on me. However, he has never been dumped by anyone. So he's never had his heart broken. He could be exagerrating to protect his ego. But most all of his XGF's are still friends with him. He even told me that some of his XGF's have been sex buddies from time to time. What do you think? Cupcake ADD/ADHD is not a good excuse for cheating. ADD/ADHD does not cause cheating. Your BF is avoiding taking responsibility for his actions. You were wondering if he is giving you a warning that he will cheat...well...he has told you that he has cheated on every GF he's had, he gives responsibility for his cheating to something that is out of his control, therefore if you stay with him knowing all this then haven't you given implied permission for him to cheat? Re: his having ADD/ADHD ask him how he found out he had it. An ADD/ADHD diagnosis does not come after one visit to the doctor. Getting a real diagnosis involves taking a patient history, getting feedback from parents, teachers, report cards as well as other tests. If he says he was diagnosed quickly then he is most likely lying to you.
HokeyReligions Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 [Hokey-hearing psychedelic '60s music and Flip Wilson's voice saying "The Devil Made Me Do It"] chimes in with the others and repeats / reiterates Craig: Cupcake ADD/ADHD is not a good excuse for cheating. ADD/ADHD does not cause cheating. Your BF is avoiding taking responsibility for his actions.
LoveOneAnother Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 I dont like the sounds of this guy at all! ADD is no excuse to anybody, other than your boyfriend.
Grinning Maniac Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 I have ADD. I have never cheated on anyone before nor even considered it. Your boyfriend is full of ****. Good day.
guitarchick Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 I too, have ADD and have never cheated on any of my boyfriends. Sounds like your boyfriend is using the disorder as a crutch for breaking up with his girlfriends. Don't let him get the best of you! A taste of his own medicine would do him some good. If it comes down to it, break up with him before he breaks up with you. He shouldn't make up excuses about his ADD/ADHD for breaking up with his ex's. That's not cool! He should take a little responsibility for his actions, don't you think? -Ashley-
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