USMCHokie Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I can see the OP taking that kind of advice to heart as she already wants to believe her BF is right and developing a eating disorder. I always find it amazing when everyone is so quick to comment on the "health concerns" of over weight people yet ignore them when it comes to those who are clearly healthy weight when in the fact they don't need to lose anymore weight.. It is also quite "amazing" when people are so quick to scream eating disorders whenever diet and weight management are a topic. Appeal to extremes...you're either overweight or anorexic... The women I know who maintain a lean and fit physique due so through good nutrition and exercise, not through an eating disorder...but perhaps my lens is too narrow... 3
TigerLilly78 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 No it didn't make her laugh but until you tease someone and they show they are stroppy over it you wont know they are super sensitive about it. He teased her, because it came after he already told her he loved her and would still love her even if she piled on a lot more + as you point out she not overweight hence the tease aspect. Jeez I could of dumped 3/4 of my gf for mentioning my weight or teasing me about it. She needs to take this in her stride and only get really annoyed if he treats her less special or makes snide remarks on an going basis. And you think men are stupid to the fact calling their gf fat might be upsetting? he knew what he was doing..it was a passive aggressive way to get to her..Oh I love you but by the way im going to make a hurtful degrading comment now but hide it behind a joke so maybe you wont bite my head off..yeah thats love let me tell ya.. Again there is a way to handle things and a way not to if you care for someone you take that into consideration when mentioning things..calling her "little fat girl" is treating her "less special" already..I had one BF who made a comment near that I turned around in public and commented on one of his shortcomings in the exact same crude manner and surprise surprise he didn't like it much but he was never disrespectful again in that manner. There is noting wrong with wanting respect in a relashionship its one of the foundations of healthy relationships after all I think some have forgotten this sadly.. 1
xxoo Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I wouldn't dump him. I'd tell him that I might let him kiss my fat ash ---if he's good. 3
TigerLilly78 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 It is also quite "amazing" when people are so quick to scream eating disorders whenever diet and weight management are a topic. Appeal to extremes...you're either overweight or anorexic... The women I know who maintain a lean and fit physique due so through good nutrition and exercise, not through an eating disorder...but perhaps my lens is too narrow... Im talking about this girl in this thread she is 117 pounds her BF is telling her shes fat didn't you notice shes only commenting on the posts that encourage hes right can't you see my concern here? the girls no wheres near over weight yet she is wanting to make him happy so yes im sorry but I am going to comment on eating disorders were I think there is a real danger of it happening.. 1
Sunfire73 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I have a healthy self esteem and his joke won't fly by me. 1
mortensorchid Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 That is a slippery slope with people, when one party thinks the other is too fat. I think it depends on the person / couple myself. I knew a married couple who had the most special marriage in the history of the world. They were married for almost 40 years (ending with her death). She was morbidly obese, probably the all time fattest person I have ever encountered and her husband loved her unconditionally. I was going out with a hillbilly a few years ago who told me that if I didn't loose weight and quit smoking that it wasn't going to be a permanent set up. After I had quit and had dropped about 30 of the 45 I would eventually loose, he was furious with me. I asked why. He said it took me too long to do it. I think he was angry with me that I showed him that I had the will to do it and he didn't have those cards he could play with me. By the way, I saw him again 4 years ago. Those 40 lbs I lost? He gained plus reinforcements. Recently this guy I was with said he would like me better if I took off some weight and had better muscle tone. I had gained some back from that big loss a few years ago, I lost 20 lbs last year. He said he's happier with my appearance. How do I feel about it? I don't know. I'm glad I lost it and that I'm thinner, that he likes what he sees a bit better, but it doesn't change anything.
WomenWubber Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) hello, a couple of days ago i was on vacation back in my country and it was snowing there and i took lots of pictures in the snow, i sent them to my bf and he said that i looked pretty then after a few minutes he texted me saying that i gained wait in my lower body parts. i thought it was from the winter since most people tend to eat more in winter. i asked him if he still thinks im pretty and he said that ofcourse he does and he told me that i will always look sexy to him no matter how much my weight was. i texted him that i love him then he texted back i love you too my little fat girl! i found that offensive as ive always been normal weight and i only weigh 55 kg which is about 117 pounds and im 5'3 ft. i told him that its annoying and he said hes sorry but its true and i need to work out more. now my bf has always been into fitness and boxing and hes really fit. i still feel offended and annoyed what should i tell him and should i take his advice to workout more? I think that was an unsuccessful attempt by him to make you feel confortable about your weight, and to reassure you that you'll always be sexy to him no matter how much you weight. I think the root of the problem is very clear... "i asked him if he still thinks im pretty" Basically something is making you feel insecure about your looks. Has your boyfriend made comments about your looks before? Has any of your friends or family? I think your boyfriend sending the "f-word" was the trigger for you to start questioning your looks. I think your boyfriend's only fault in this was maybe a lack of tact. If this is the case, I can bet you he's very lost and trying to figure out how to make you feel better. I would advise against breaking up inmediately. Shaming him in an effort to give him a taste would only bring him down to your level of inadequacy, which is something you want to avoid if you want to mantain a loving relationship with him. I wouldn't dump him. I'd tell him that I might let him kiss my fat ash ---if he's good. This ^^ would have been the perfect answer. But you have to feel very confident in yourself to pull that off. Just work on whatever is bothering you about your weight (I'm not expet here - you can lose some weight if that helps your mindset, but I would first try some clothes that enhance your physical attributes) and when you feel your confidence coming back, show it off to your boyfriend in whatever form you see fit and see what happens. Edited January 12, 2015 by WomenWubber
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 I don't think he's a bad boyfriend for wanting you to lose weight, but he needs to learn to be more tactful. I'm guessing you're both very young and because of his immaturity he doesn't know how to approach the situation in a tactful manner. Tell him he hurt your feelings and see how he reacts. yeah we are quite young, and i will tell him
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 If he was calling you that he didn't love the fact you ate so much believe me you prob just told yourself that to deal with it. People rationalize even the worst when they need to deal with a situation rather then face it. Again rude abusive passive aggressive BS from a lousy bf...When will women wake up and stop thinking this kind of crap is "cute"..if he smacked you in the face would it be as cute? cause this is the verbal equivalent.. He wasn't joking he clearly told you that and this is not how some one who genuinely "loves you" would act its really not its not loving or healthy to degrade you like this! If she loses much more weight shes going to be a walking pair of eye balls.. he actually eats way more than me but he works out a lot and he has been boxing since he was 11 so i think that he wants me to work out as much as him maybe, and no im not deffinding what he said.
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Its disturbing to me that there are actually a handful of people implying this kind of behavior is ok. Attraction and love are simple. You feel them or you don't. A few extra winter pounds would barely be noticeable to someone who loved you and they certainly wouldn't comment on it. He's a huge douche and if you stay with him it'll only get worse. you dont know him hes actually really sweet other than this instance, when i sent him the pics he havent seen me for a while thats why he noticed
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 All the douchenozzles I have known in my life that would spout these stinging put-downs about their women's bodies disguised as "jokes" always had the tiniest, most beautiful girlfriends. It's insecurity, plain and simple. He figures if she realizes how hot she is, she'll figure out he's not good enough for her. Better take her down a few pegs now and then so she'll stay. he often brags about me to his male friends
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 But a "few extra pounds" is often a "lot of extra pounds." If he noticed it in the photograph with her fully clothed it must have been obvious. I think whether or not he's a "huge douche" depends on his age. If he's early 20s or younger then he's just a typical immature young male. I don't think she's necessarily going to find much better at that age, sadly. She needs to let him know that he hurt her feelings so he can have a chance to change. If she does that and he doesn't get the message, then he's a big douche. But, until then, there's no sense in throwing out the baby with the bathwater. he turns 19 next week. i will let him know when i see him
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 He came up with that comment by looking at pictures of you in your snow-pants playing in the snow?? Anyone would look fat in snow-pants!!! OP at 5'3'' and 117-lbs you are underweight. This is craziness. You are young, you won't always stay at 117lbs. If his happiness revolves around your skinniness I hope you will think twice about it. i was in the snow wearing skinny jeans with leggings under and i told him when he first commented
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Except … she CAN'T be fat if she's 5"3 and 117 pounds. She should have activities with him to make him happy and lose weight when she is already quite thin? Also a girl who carries weight on her lower body and is skinny on top will usually just keep losing weight on the top if she gets thinner and thinner, ending up looking really poor. i dont actually loose weight from the top because usually women rend to gain weight and loose it in their lower body first. i have an hour glass kind of figure
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Everyone is running with her thread title and is saying he said she was fat. No he said it looked like she had gained weight. I don't know how long she was away on vacation for but yes people can tend to put on weight then + thicker clothing can emphasis it. I'm sure he could well realize that but it also doesn't mean its not a valid observation or something you cant notice or ever mention. A person who works out and stays in shape will tend to notice. For an insecure person though, no you are not supposed to notice or say anything. Look I do realize there is a difference between a bit of give and take and being a body nazi with your gf. When he signed off 'goodnight my little fat girl' I'm sure he was just teasing her, after they had already chatted about the pic and he said he still would love her if she gained way more. Seems like he knows now he can't even make light of it or even mention her weight. I certainly don't think its a dumpable offense -its a one off and he has not outright disrespected her (though not in her mind). i kind of agree with u
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 End of the day to those saying its acceptable its clearly not the OP came here for a reason and it wasn't cause her BFs comments made her feel good. point blank there is a way to express things with out being hurtful and mean the ops BF didn't cause he had no consideration for her simple as that. So I guess any abused women should just shut up and take it or they are a whiner? if some have such a good rapaore with their significant other that they can joke in this manner great but thats a rare situation and this isn't it.. I can see the OP taking that kind of advice to heart as she already wants to believe her BF is right and developing a eating disorder. I always find it amazing when everyone is so quick to comment on the "health concerns" of over weight people yet ignore them when it comes to those who are clearly healthy weight when in the fact they don't need to lose anymore weight.. i also kind of agree with you and people dont worry i will not develope an eating disorder or change my eating pattern since i actually saw that effect in my family, but i will start working out in something i love which is dance to stay healthy
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Im talking about this girl in this thread she is 117 pounds her BF is telling her shes fat didn't you notice shes only commenting on the posts that encourage hes right can't you see my concern here? the girls no wheres near over weight yet she is wanting to make him happy so yes im sorry but I am going to comment on eating disorders were I think there is a real danger of it happening.. its hard to explain but i love him so much and we have plans to get married in the future. dont worry i wont develop an eating disorder, one of my family members was underweight and had an eating disorder and i saw her suffer infront of me so i wont cause that to happen to me.
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 these pictures of me are a couple of days before the snow and he saw them but only commented nice stuff, but the snow pictures dont show much difference to me https://www.flickr.com/photos/127355507@N05/ https://www.flickr.com/photos/127355507@N05/15642825904/ https://www.flickr.com/photos/127355507@N05/16077716468/
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 How old are you? I did not look at your pictures, I don't need to. You have a boyfriend of 19 yo telling you to hit the gym because you're fat at 117-lbs. ENOUGH said. What is he trying to do, keep you looking like a pre-puberty girl?? You are already underweight.
Author Lona.loba Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) How old are you? I did not look at your pictures, I don't need to. You have a boyfriend of 19 yo telling you to hit the gym because you're fat at 117-lbs. ENOUGH said. What is he trying to do, keep you looking like a pre-puberty girl?? You are already underweight. im 18 and im not underweight my BMI is healthy and yes im aware that im not overweight either. when i think about what he said it still hurts my feelings since australia has lots of pretty and thin beach girls and im just that foreign girl that went there because she loves her boyfriend and loves it there more than her home country. I dont have low esteem and i still think im pretty. and i know i look younger than my age Edited January 12, 2015 by Lona.loba
FitChick Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) Since the photos don't show your lower half they are worthless for this discussion. The one full length one was dark and you were wearing baggy trousers. Why not post the photo he actually commented on? General advice for anyone insecure about being overweight: Don't date a guy into health and fitness. There are plenty of couch potatoes who won't notice nor care if you gain fifty pounds. I know when I am a few pounds overweight and don't need someone to tell me. However, if my man mentioned it, it would just spur me on to losing it sooner rather than later, which is a good thing. I think most men fear their attractive girlfriends and wives gaining weight. Not unusual. Edited January 13, 2015 by FitChick 3
TigerLilly78 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 i also kind of agree with you and people dont worry i will not develope an eating disorder or change my eating pattern since i actually saw that effect in my family, but i will start working out in something i love which is dance to stay healthy Op seriously just from those pics you don't need to work out alot if you want to do some running or light carido to maintain your size then great but please dont try to hit the gym to hard and start losing more then you really need to you look healthy to me. In a way its good you have seen the affects of eating disorders 1st hand so you won't slip down that slope. Also I noticed you saying this is a very long distance relashionship it seams? those are hard even on older people! I know you love your bf but unless you guys have a plan in place to get togher in the near future for good you might want to reconsider that LDRs bring a lot of stress at the best of times and I can't help but wonder if some of this is due to that..
Noproblem Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I don't know why guys don't understand that winter make us all look fatter than how we really are!
Noproblem Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 these pictures of me are a couple of days before the snow and he saw them but only commented nice stuff, but the snow pictures dont show much difference to me https://www.flickr.com/photos/127355507@N05/ https://www.flickr.com/photos/127355507@N05/15642825904/ https://www.flickr.com/photos/127355507@N05/16077716468/ Wow, you are really really not fat at all! How annoying and perfectionist your boyfriend is!
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