Lona.loba Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 hello, a couple of days ago i was on vacation back in my country and it was snowing there and i took lots of pictures in the snow, i sent them to my bf and he said that i looked pretty then after a few minutes he texted me saying that i gained wait in my lower body parts. i thought it was from the winter since most people tend to eat more in winter. i asked him if he still thinks im pretty and he said that ofcourse he does and he told me that i will always look sexy to him no matter how much my weight was. i texted him that i love him then he texted back i love you too my little fat girl! i found that offensive as ive always been normal weight and i only weigh 55 kg which is about 117 pounds and im 5'3 ft. i told him that its annoying and he said hes sorry but its true and i need to work out more. now my bf has always been into fitness and boxing and hes really fit. i still feel offended and annoyed what should i tell him and should i take his advice to workout more?
Leigh 87 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 He's a turd. How lovely. All I can say is. .. Enjoy:sick: 1
katlover Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) You don't have to tell him anything. Like he said he'll love you regardless of your weight so it doesn't really matter. Just let it pass. He was just joking don't take it to heart or offensively. He probably just says that to get you motivated anyways. Boys could care less about a girls body just as long as you're not 200 pounds, but having a toned and healthy body is a plus. If you're that self-conscious in front of your bf then it's time to get on the treadmill and start doing some sit ups and squats(perfect for getting you a sexier rear).. But like I said it's not essential in your case. It doesn't hurt to work out a few days a week though, it'll make you look sexier, raises your libido, and make you a lot more confident. Edited January 11, 2015 by katlover 1
TigerLilly78 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 hello, a couple of days ago i was on vacation back in my country and it was snowing there and i took lots of pictures in the snow, i sent them to my bf and he said that i looked pretty then after a few minutes he texted me saying that i gained wait in my lower body parts. i thought it was from the winter since most people tend to eat more in winter. i asked him if he still thinks im pretty and he said that ofcourse he does and he told me that i will always look sexy to him no matter how much my weight was. i texted him that i love him then he texted back i love you too my little fat girl! i found that offensive as ive always been normal weight and i only weigh 55 kg which is about 117 pounds and im 5'3 ft. i told him that its annoying and he said hes sorry but its true and i need to work out more. now my bf has always been into fitness and boxing and hes really fit. i still feel offended and annoyed what should i tell him and should i take his advice to workout more? Hes being a passive aggressive turd monger...that was offensive its winter FFS people also wear heavier bulkier clothing especially in snow! the way he "joked with you" was disrespectful and belittling your not fat at 117 pounds even at 5ft3..he sounds like a jerk you can do better.. 8
morrowrd Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I don't think it was "loving" to mention that you're fat, and it was downright mean to call you his little "fat girl." What this is, is the tip of the iceberg. Instead of being outright abusive towards you because he wants you to lose weight, he buried the criticism inside a presupposition. That way, he can gain the same effect, without taking the responsibility for actually being an xxxhole. You on the other hand, are left holding the bag, feeling bad about yourself, and because the statement was outwardly "friendly" - you don't feel you have the right to retaliate, and at the same time, you feel guilty for being "fat and unattractive." You then ask for some validation, which he gave by more abuse, calling you a fat girl as if that was your new pet name. Get rid of this prick. There's a million guys out there who would jump at the chance to make you feel good about yourself, and mean it. 11
hoping2heal Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I found it awkward when he texted you to add in that you've gained some weight on your "lower parts" but when you mentioned the part where he said you were still sexy and he'd always love you I thought the "little fat girl" was a poorly worded effort at playfulness. Until you mentioned that he said it's true and you need to work out more. In other words, he's just being passive aggressive and he's a mean ****. 5
soyou Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I think he was just joking with you. Dont take it too serious. Even if he was not joking, you should appreciate his honest opinion. Now you have some clues in what to work on and improve yourself. My ex boyfriend used to call me "Little Elephant" cos the way and the huge amount of foods I eat. I didnt feel bothered so much because I know he loves me no matter what and actually he loves me because I eat like "a real man" :p
morrowrd Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I think he was just joking with you. Dont take it too serious. :p I disagree. Thats how people with low self worth and esteem deal with abuse. They make excuses for it. 12
Author Lona.loba Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 I think he was just joking with you. Dont take it too serious. Even if he was not joking, you should appreciate his honest opinion. Now you have some clues in what to work on and improve yourself. My ex boyfriend used to call me "Little Elephant" cos the way and the huge amount of foods I eat. I didnt feel bothered so much because I know he loves me no matter what and actually he loves me because I eat like "a real man" :p i really want to believe this and which its true because he loves me to death and so do I so i do kind of think he was joking now that i look back at it
Author Lona.loba Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 I disagree. Thats how people with low self worth and esteem deal with abuse. They make excuses for it. im not the type of person that has low self esteem since i do actually get compliments on my looks mostly face but im confused what to think now. was he joking? and i shouldn't give a damn to what he said, or was he being series cuz i do actually eat more in the winter
Dallers Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Somebody in far better shape than your boyfriend would enjoy being with you and never say such things with meaning. He jokingly said those things but MEANT them. A guy will never just come out right and say you are fat unless they are a sociopath so we play them into your head as a joke because men think this is the easy way of letting a girl know that they need to do something. We are stupid but this is how we think, we also think it will not get to you if we do it in a joking way which makes us even more stupid. men. Even so I would question if your guy actually loves you. I don't care what anyone says on here or any excuse they make to justify your boyfriend's actions. I would refer to myself as cold hearted when it comes to being blunt with people especially women but the "Fat" comment is NEVER a justifiable comment as it single handedly destroys a women's confidence and self esteem in her body which is why people develop eating disorders. He should be raising you up not crushing you. Get rid of him now. 5
Moy Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Tease him about one of his physical imperfections (though 117lbs at 5'3" is far from imperfect) and see if he takes it as a harmless joke. 5
ExpatInItaly Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 im not the type of person that has low self esteem since i do actually get compliments on my looks mostly face but im confused what to think now. was he joking? and i shouldn't give a damn to what he said, or was he being series cuz i do actually eat more in the winter Did you laugh? I doubt it. Joke or not, it's not appropriate. If it hurt your feelings, tell him. I would not find it funny. 2
Satu Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 i really want to believe this and which its true because he loves me to death and so do I so i do kind of think he was joking now that i look back at it Good luck with believing that. It won't be easy, because it isn't the actual reality. 3
gaius Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 You can love someone while still having certain standards and being honest about them. =/ I guess it's just up to you to decide if those standards are acceptable or not. He's joking around but in a deliberate way to let you know what's up. 2
Lernaean_Hydra Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 You can love someone while still having certain standards and being honest about them. =/ I guess it's just up to you to decide if those standards are acceptable or not. He's joking around but in a deliberate way to let you know what's up. I don't think it's his having standards that's the problem. It's the smarmy way in which he went about expressing them. Aww, your dick looks so much smaller since you shaved! That's okay, I still love your little micropenis. ಠ_ಠ OP's bf wasn't actually being honest; honesty is being forthright and saying something without all the BS passive aggressive wordplay or masking it as a joke. It just comes off a lot more like he's trying to intentionally make her insecure, especially given what he continued to say afterwards. Although, "fat" at 117lbs? Yikes. 10
Zahara Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) He's relaying how he feels and views you under the guise of a "joke" to soften the blow. This way he gets his message across without coming off as an arsehole. Edited January 11, 2015 by Zahara 2
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I found it awkward when he texted you to add in that you've gained some weight on your "lower parts" but when you mentioned the part where he said you were still sexy and he'd always love you I thought the "little fat girl" was a poorly worded effort at playfulness. Until you mentioned that he said it's true and you need to work out more. In other words, he's just being passive aggressive and he's a mean ****. But yet....women still stay with these jerks. 2
HazyCosmicJive Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 hello, a couple of days ago i was on vacation back in my country and it was snowing there and i took lots of pictures in the snow, i sent them to my bf and he said that i looked pretty then after a few minutes he texted me saying that i gained wait in my lower body parts. i thought it was from the winter since most people tend to eat more in winter. i asked him if he still thinks im pretty and he said that ofcourse he does and he told me that i will always look sexy to him no matter how much my weight was. i texted him that i love him then he texted back i love you too my little fat girl! i found that offensive as ive always been normal weight and i only weigh 55 kg which is about 117 pounds and im 5'3 ft. i told him that its annoying and he said hes sorry but its true and i need to work out more. now my bf has always been into fitness and boxing and hes really fit. i still feel offended and annoyed what should i tell him and should i take his advice to workout more? I don't think he's a bad boyfriend for wanting you to lose weight, but he needs to learn to be more tactful. I'm guessing you're both very young and because of his immaturity he doesn't know how to approach the situation in a tactful manner. Tell him he hurt your feelings and see how he reacts. 1
HazyCosmicJive Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 He's relaying how he feels and views you under the guise of a "joke" to soften the blow. This way he gets his message across without coming off as an arsehole. There are better ways to do this. He could invite her to do things together that are physically active such as skating or going for a walk. That way she'll be happy because they're spending time together and he'll be happy because she's losing weight. Being passive-aggressive is immature.
xxoo Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Ok, your boyfriend thinks you're fat. What do you think? Are you happy with your body? If so, tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine! Stand up for yourself. Your weight is ideal, and you don't need someone burdening you with his own insecurities and issues. Time to fortify that backbone. 2
40 Fonzarelli Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 He's not joking. He's saying you're fat. Now it's up to you if you want to tolerate this behavior. There's something called unconditional love.
Country_Girl Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 There's no way at that height and weight you are fat, not even chubby. I'm 5'2" and 114 and have been told by numerous people how thin I am (I had lost 10 lbs due to medication I'm on that kills my appetite as a side effect). I just can't fathom that with similar stats he could even come to this conclusion. I agree with Morrowrd, this was him being insecure, and a passive aggressive attempt to bring you down a notch and feel insecure too. Definitely a form of abuse. I've dealt with this kind of behavior before, man do I wish I could go back in time and tell these guys to stick it where the sun don't shine. This guy has self esteem issues. 1
TigerLilly78 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) I think he was just joking with you. Dont take it too serious. Even if he was not joking, you should appreciate his honest opinion. Now you have some clues in what to work on and improve yourself. My ex boyfriend used to call me "Little Elephant" cos the way and the huge amount of foods I eat. I didnt feel bothered so much because I know he loves me no matter what and actually he loves me because I eat like "a real man" :p If he was calling you that he didn't love the fact you ate so much believe me you prob just told yourself that to deal with it. People rationalize even the worst when they need to deal with a situation rather then face it. Again rude abusive passive aggressive BS from a lousy bf...When will women wake up and stop thinking this kind of crap is "cute"..if he smacked you in the face would it be as cute? cause this is the verbal equivalent.. i really want to believe this and which its true because he loves me to death and so do I so i do kind of think he was joking now that i look back at it He wasn't joking he clearly told you that and this is not how some one who genuinely "loves you" would act its really not its not loving or healthy to degrade you like this! I don't think he's a bad boyfriend for wanting you to lose weight, but he needs to learn to be more tactful. I'm guessing you're both very young and because of his immaturity he doesn't know how to approach the situation in a tactful manner. Tell him he hurt your feelings and see how he reacts. If she loses much more weight shes going to be a walking pair of eye balls.. Edited January 11, 2015 by TigerLilly78
Eighty_nine Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Its disturbing to me that there are actually a handful of people implying this kind of behavior is ok. Attraction and love are simple. You feel them or you don't. A few extra winter pounds would barely be noticeable to someone who loved you and they certainly wouldn't comment on it. He's a huge douche and if you stay with him it'll only get worse. 2
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