CT98 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Hi all, So I met a girl on Tinder of all places, we had our first date last week; a few drinks at a pub. Seemed to go OK, although I thought I came across as awkward, but that's nothing new for me Anyway I had a text before I'd arrived home, so must've been ok. We were supposed to be going on our second date today when this morning I woke up to a text that came at 0800 this morning. 'CT98 I'm going to have to cancel today I'm really sorry, I'm just down at the hospital, I'm OK it's not me but I just need to be here, sorry. xx' I respond back with 'Thats a shame...hope everything is ok x' She comes back with 'I'm really sorry, if I'm out later I'll text you x' I just said it's fine and to concentrate on whoever needs her. This girl did text me with 'Can't wait until tomorrow' last night before she went to bed. And she's always initiating text contact with me. She also seems a genuine, nice girl. Obviously I've only met her once, but I like to think my intuition is pretty good for picking up how people really are. I know this might seem really disrespectful to be questioning her when she's got what seems like a family/friend in hospital, but it's not my intention to be disrespectful, it's just I haven't really dated much so I don't have much experience of this sort of thing, and she seems really nice, so if she is flaking on me it would be a shame. I know the obvious answer is to wait and see what happens, but I just wondered what people on here thought. Cheers CT98 1
newlyborn Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 it doesn't sound legit to me. i think if it were legitimate, there would have been more information: i.e., brother is sick and i am at the emergency room with him. the thing about nice people is that they don't want to hurt people's feelings. so vague indirection can be standard procedure when they are doing something they are afraid will hurt someone's feelings. it would not be acceptable for you to ask any questions. you do actually have to wait and see. 1
organizedchaos Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 it doesn't sound legit to me. i think if it were legitimate, there would have been more information: i.e., brother is sick and i am at the emergency room with him. the thing about nice people is that they don't want to hurt people's feelings. so vague indirection can be standard procedure when they are doing something they are afraid will hurt someone's feelings. it would not be acceptable for you to ask any questions. you do actually have to wait and see. Disagree. Only been one date. No need for her to go in to details yet. See how it plays out. Only been one date anyway so OP shouldn't be so vested and should be dating others anyway. 4
Andy_K Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 50/50 That she didn't suggest any sort of rescheduling is typically a negative, but then again if there is something serious going on with someone she knows then it's entirely likely that won't be on her mind. Wait and see I'm afraid... 1
newlyborn Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Disagree. Only been one date. No need for her to go in to details yet. See how it plays out. Only been one date anyway so OP shouldn't be so vested and should be dating others anyway. disagree, in part. with a same-day cancellation, someone who is serious about meeting up again will want to be sure that you know they are not bs'ing. hence, not a long drawn out story, but specific information. case in point: had to plans to meet up with friends on two separate occasions. not dates, just new people in my new town whom i had met through social circles. one canceled the same day with a vague emergency and "i will explain when we get together." other, "i am so embarrassed to do this same day, but i am going through a breakup this wknd." which person do you think actually followed up to hang out? definitely agree that the OP should be dating others and shouldn't be too invested this early on. 1
almond Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 disagree, in part. with a same-day cancellation, someone who is serious about meeting up again will want to be sure that you know they are not bs'ing. hence, not a long drawn out story, but specific information. I completely disagree. She explained that she is at the hospital - that's more than specific enough for a guy she met on Tinder and had one single date with. She was thoughtful enough to include the information that she was not the one admitted, to be sure he didn't worry about her. It's not up to her to share exactly who is in the hospital and why, just to be sure you don't think they're lying! Lol. That seems totally jaded and ridiculous to me. I also don't think it's automatically a negative that she didn't reschedule right away - she's at the hospital! I'm sure she has other things on her mind at the moment. Her text was polite and informative enough. I'm surprised that it wasn't enough for some posters here! To expect more details off a stranger under circumstances like these seems pretty odd to me. OP, you're worrying too much. If she flakes, you'll know it soon enough. No point speculating as to whether her seemingly legitimate excuse could be untrue - that's going to get you absolutely nowhere. Well, nowhere good anyway. Just chill out, breathe, and try and enjoy the ride! 6
morrowrd Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 You have nothing to lose by waiting and seeing. One of my rules of thumb with online dating is to go with the flow. You are dating strangers and have zero knowledge about how they live their life. Until you get more information about them, it's best to always give the benefit of the doubt, and move slowly. Online dating takes patience and time. As convenient as it seems, its not. You need added effort to remove the unknowns about the person, and time to connect the dots. After all that, you can make a decision on whether or not something is or isn't legit. 1
bene Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 People have their lives going on outside dating and one date means you're just acquaintances. If I had an emergency in my family, I would not prioritize a guy I had one date with over this. She informed you about cancellation and gave a reason. And if the guy would throw a fit over this I would not be interested in seeing him again because it is just plain selfish. And for god's sake, don't question if she really was in the hospital. I have older relatives with medical conditions I have to deal with every once in a while - I really don't feel like discussing it with a guy I had one date with. She said 'I'm really sorry, if I'm out later I'll text you x'. Why not just take it at face value and wait or text her in a few days to ask how she's doing? What do you have to lose? My rule of early dating is that all people have their share of the problems in their lives. Don't be another one. Early dating should be light and fun. 4
NoLeafClover Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Get on tinder and start chit chatting with other girls. Treat this as a no go either way. If she comes back cool, if not oh well. The sooner you get back in the game, the sooner you will brush things like this off, The more you dwell on it, the more you'll feel miserable. 1
Author CT98 Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 Had a text to say thanks for understanding and clarifying the situation more. Feel like a bit of an idiot for starting this thread now. 1
Philosopher Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) Had a text to say thanks for understanding and clarifying the situation more. Feel like a bit of an idiot for starting this thread now. By texting her and being understanding of her situation and not putting pressure on her for a second date you did the right thing. In my admittedly limited experience if you are supportive of her you normally get a date a few days later whereas getting annoyed or pressuring the girl for a date usually results in no future date. Hope you get the second date and it goes well. Edited January 11, 2015 by Philosopher 4
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I read somewhere that if someone gives you an excuse and it's full of details then they are probably lying. I like the fact she did it early, she kept it short with just enough details to be respectful. What ever is her reason, you've only met her once she does not owe you more details. Maybe it's something she does not want to share with you like her sister attempted suicide or something. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 She comes back with 'I'm really sorry, if I'm out later I'll text you x' So if she doesn't text you later, does this mean she didn't make it out of the hospital? 1
Jules Dash Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Only time will truly tell. She still has to contact him about rescheduling and actually give him a second date. So far he has nothing but a detailed excuse. We will see- 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I had a woman cancel on me with a similar excuse and I never heard from her again. Elaborate excuses are unnecessary. Jesus, you think we've never been rejected before? 1
Author CT98 Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 OK, so we're back in contact, just general chit chat, the correct thing to do here would be to wait for her to approach me to reschedule, right?
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 OK, so we're back in contact, just general chit chat, the correct thing to do here would be to wait for her to approach me to reschedule, right? Give her a little bit of time to turn around and to come back with a reschedule. If not then ask her when she is free next. Not now, today is not the day to reschedule. People will tell you she has to come up with an offer but not everyone are aware of the dating rules. If she keeps contact with you then reschedule yourself, you have nothing to lose.
Author CT98 Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 Give her a little bit of time to turn around and to come back with a reschedule. If not then ask her when she is free next. Not now, today is not the day to reschedule. People will tell you she has to come up with an offer but not everyone are aware of the dating rules. If she keeps contact with you then reschedule yourself, you have nothing to lose. Oh yeah, I wasn't going to push her today, she's already said she's been up since 5 and really tired, I'm not a compete fool haha. 1
lovexocoach Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Keep in touch with her and then reschedule a date with her. She shouldn't be the one to reschedule - you should. If she's interested in you she'll go on a date. If she isn't she'll say no or cancel and then you have to decide whether to continue to pursue or move on.
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 OK, so we're back in contact, just general chit chat, the correct thing to do here would be to wait for her to approach me to reschedule, right? Not necessarily. Yes it would be polite for her to initiate the conversation about rescheduling but to me one person setting that up as a "deal breaker" because it was "her turn" is game playing & power struggle, both of which are poor foundations for a relationship.
Author CT98 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Not necessarily. Yes it would be polite for her to initiate the conversation about rescheduling but to me one person setting that up as a "deal breaker" because it was "her turn" is game playing & power struggle, both of which are poor foundations for a relationship. We're going back out later this week, I'm not trying to play games here, I'm genuinely inexperienced when it comes to dating and don't want to make any rookie mistakes
losangelena Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 We're going back out later this week, I'm not trying to play games here, I'm genuinely inexperienced when it comes to dating and don't want to make any rookie mistakes I know it sounds trite, but just be yourself. Don't get hung up on doing everything "right" or avoiding the "wrong." You're human, and you want to find someone who's OK with your humanness, even if that means you don't do the dating thing perfectly. I know that's not what you're saying, I just want to encourage you to relax and enjoy yourself. Don't overanalyze everything that is communicated and the way it's said. Sometimes a trip to the hospital is just that—a trip to the hospital. The ones who will tell you straight away that it's an excuse and she's dropping you are cynics.
MissBee Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Hi all, So I met a girl on Tinder of all places, we had our first date last week; a few drinks at a pub. Seemed to go OK, although I thought I came across as awkward, but that's nothing new for me Anyway I had a text before I'd arrived home, so must've been ok. We were supposed to be going on our second date today when this morning I woke up to a text that came at 0800 this morning. 'CT98 I'm going to have to cancel today I'm really sorry, I'm just down at the hospital, I'm OK it's not me but I just need to be here, sorry. xx' I respond back with 'Thats a shame...hope everything is ok x' She comes back with 'I'm really sorry, if I'm out later I'll text you x' I just said it's fine and to concentrate on whoever needs her. This girl did text me with 'Can't wait until tomorrow' last night before she went to bed. And she's always initiating text contact with me. She also seems a genuine, nice girl. Obviously I've only met her once, but I like to think my intuition is pretty good for picking up how people really are. I know this might seem really disrespectful to be questioning her when she's got what seems like a family/friend in hospital, but it's not my intention to be disrespectful, it's just I haven't really dated much so I don't have much experience of this sort of thing, and she seems really nice, so if she is flaking on me it would be a shame. I know the obvious answer is to wait and see what happens, but I just wondered what people on here thought. Cheers CT98 All you can do is wait and see. If I wasn't interested and canceled because I didn't want to go I wouldn't bother to text the person the night before saying I can't wait. That doesn't make sense. That part is what is leading me to give her the benefit of the doubt for now as I think if she just plain wasn't interested she'd not have gone out of her way to say she couldn't wait hours before. People don't tend to do that. They tend to start act disinterested from way before. The early morning text at 8am also leads me to want to give her the benefit of the doubt that it is an emergency scenario. She did say that if she was out later she'd text you, so that also leads me to believe she hasn't just left you hanging completely. But all you can do is wait. I'd do the nice thing and check in with her later to see if all is well with her and that situation and then leave the ball in her court to follow up with you about another date.
Recommended Posts