spiderowl Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 OK, I'm am amateur musician. I go to music events and play sometimes. A guy at one of these events has suggested we get together to play music. We play the same instrument. He seemed very nice and someone I would like to get to know better. Playing music would be fun. So we exchanged numbers and he contacted me by text. Unfortunately, I was busy at that time, preparing to travel to relatives for Christmas (and working full time just beforehand) so I said I would like to but didn't know when I would be able to fit it in and where we could meet as my house isn't suitable (won't go into reasons why but it needs some work on it). He understood and we exchanged a few texts but then the texting ended, naturally, and he didn't stay in touch by text after that. Recently, we met again at a music event and he came over to talk to me. Was friendly as before but didn't suggest meeting up to play music. I don't know how to take this really. I tried not to sound offputting when we communicated earlier but I don't know how it came across to him. Have I inadvertently put him off? What would a guy think in this situation? He may just be interested in playing music, which is fine.
WonderWoman911 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 He probably didn't suggest to play music again because of your busy schedule and he don't want to get rejected again. So he probably feels the need to back off a little and possibly wait until you suggest it this time, since he initiated the first date. But at least he's still friendly and isn't holding any animosity towards you. 1
Ebelskiver Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I'd contact him one more time, give him a ring....suggest getting together to play music. If it happens, cool. If not, you gave it a last effort. It's not on you, he could have started dating someone else, or gotten back with an ex. You just never know. Maybe he even thought you blew him off last time. Reach out and give it another go and then you'll know. Good luck.
Author spiderowl Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 Thanks for your thoughts. I tried not to make it sound like I was putting him off, but I don't know how he felt about it. I was wondering whether I should suggest it now or wait for him to. He was nice and made the effort to come over and chat. I don't actually know his circumstances. He might be attached or something. He's only recently moved into the area to be nearer to adult kids. Would a guy be put off by what I said?
Light Breeze Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Sounds to me he took what you said as rejection. Probably wouldn't try again because he thinks you're not interested anyway. If you like him then ask him to play with you again and see where it goes from there.
still_an_Angel Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 You can ask him casually about getting together to play music, something along the lines "hey, i'm sorry we never got together to play, how's your schedule looking sometime _____?" He's probably waiting for you since it was your sched that was full on last time he asked. 1
gaius Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 A lot of guys are lazy and their egos dent pretty easily so they'll see one potential slight then pack up and go home. =/
BetrayedH Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I just think that he initiated last time and your schedule didn't permit it so, he either figures you were politely declining (in which case he wouldn't press the issue) or that you're still waiting for your schedule to open up (in which case he wouldn't press the issue). Long story short, it's your move. I suspect that he figures the door is open; you just need to walk thru it. 1
Danda Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I agree with the idea that you should bring it up and invite him to play music together this time if you are still interested. A lot of women, for fear of hurting a man's feelings, will deliver rejection with excuses in an attempt to soften the blow. He very easily could have taken it that way. I mean honestly if a guy on LS made a thread saying he asked a woman to hang out and she said she was too busy, didn't suggest a different date/time/place and never got back to him about it, I think many of us would advise him to move on because she's probably not interested but trying to be polite. Just gotta look it at through the other person's eyes. But since he seems mature and friendly and took it gracefully, I agree that the door is still open if you want to make a move.
preraph Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 If you don't make it a big deal, neither will he. Musicians flake all the time for less valid reasons (like can't get up) and he's bound to be used to it. If you have a way to contact him, do it and just ask if he still wants to get together and play or whatever. He will.
A O Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 He probably didn't suggest to play music again because of your busy schedule and he don't want to get rejected again. So he probably feels the need to back off a little and possibly wait until you suggest it this time, since he initiated the first date. But at least he's still friendly and isn't holding any animosity towards you. Fantastic. In other words Spider....the ball''s in your court now.
Author spiderowl Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Thanks for all replies, most helpful. I did contact him and he sounded pleased to hear from me (well, politely pleased maybe) and sort of neutral about meeting up. I'm not sure about it now, will wait and see how he is in person at next event.
Author spiderowl Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 A lot of guys are lazy and their egos dent pretty easily so they'll see one potential slight then pack up and go home. =/ I can sort of understand that. It can't be easy having to take the initiative. I'm really glad I'm not male!
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