compulsivedancer Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Why did you change/not change your name when you got a divorce?
LoveMyCat Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Why did you change/not change your name when you got a divorce? I am still only separated and I am not sure if I will change my name or not. I have had it for twenty years. Not sure what most people do?
kenmore Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Ok, a tender spot! My wife didn't want to change her name when we got married. I wanted her to, and she finally compromised by doing the hyphenated thing. I never liked the hyphenated thing, I guess because if I'm going to have a "tag", I want it to be all mine. Really, why change names at all? It's all about "ownership" or "submissiveness" or "giving everything to the marriage". It's weird, but strangely it meant a lot to me, and it meant a lot to her to keep her name, and the compromise was all we could muster. I never felt I "owned" her, but there's something satisfying having a woman, especially a friggin strong woman change her name for me. I guess it was a victory. So, fast forward and come tax time...she makes all the money, she is the homeowner, but whose name is first and whose SS number is primary? Yep, mine. Jesus, she blew a gasket last time! She couldn't believe that the IRS demands the man's name and SS# is primary, even though she made the money. I almost had to get her a room at the local institution. Oddly, there's an inkling in the back of my mind that this one thing started our demise. It just really was an issue with her, and even though this year we would be better off (or at least she would be) filing jointly, she will file separately just to see her name first. So, ya think she'll be changing her name bacK?
MJJean Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I changed my name back to my maiden name the second I could when I was separated. I hated my ex and wanted nothing of his.
Author compulsivedancer Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 I love my STBXH, but the next time I change my name will be the last. So either I stuck with this name and change it if I get married again, or I go back to my maiden name and never change it again. I should not have changed it in the first place.
Arieswoman Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I changed my name back to my maiden name as soon as I had the divorce through. I told my exH that I didn't want any connection with him in any way shape or form, least of all having to use his name.
LoveMyCat Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I changed my name back to my maiden name as soon as I had the divorce through. I told my exH that I didn't want any connection with him in any way shape or form, least of all having to use his name. I like my husband...but it is early days, we have not filed yet, so who knows...but I also like his last name. Somewhat simpler than my maiden name. Still...will see how things progress.
BlueIris Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I wish I hadn’t changed my name when I married but he wanted me too- very much. So I did. I didn’t change it back when I divorced because my children wanted me to still have the last name they had. My ex is now remarried and he and his wife don’t like that I still have his name. Now my kids are grown and don’t care what my name is. One wants to change her name to my family’s name since my family and I have raised her primarily (her dad’s choice, not mine). But my business was built in that name and I’m kind of professionally stuck with it, or take a significant marketing hit. All sad all around. I’m sure my daughters won’t change their names. I wish I had gone back to my parents’ name when I divorced.
Pinkdisney Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I have children so I kept my married name after my divorce. It's a very common name and goes well with my first name. If/when I remarry I will then change it.
cif Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I love my STBXH, but the next time I change my name will be the last. So either I stuck with this name and change it if I get married again, or I go back to my maiden name and never change it again. I should not have changed it in the first place. Yep. Never understood how a woman could change her identity for a man. 1
aMguilts Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Yep. Never understood how a woman could change her identity for a man. what-? huh? it's just a name change . its a name - a tag - we all have them it doesn't MAKE us who we are thou!!!! Still the same person maybe you'd change yours for a female? my sister in law is gay- and she once said exactly what you have but persnonally-i think your reply is sexist aM
ralfgarnett Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I have been thinking about this just recently, I was very proud when my wife took my name but now we are separated I have been thinking how insulted I would feel if she changed her name back to her maiden name, I hope she doesn't but there isn't much I could do about it, if she does I just hope she doesn't tell me as it would hurt me quite badly and would be the last glimmer of any hope for reconciliation.
cif Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 what-? huh? it's just a name change . its a name - a tag - we all have them it doesn't MAKE us who we are thou!!!! Still the same person maybe you'd change yours for a female? my sister in law is gay- and she once said exactly what you have but persnonally-i think your reply is sexist aM Where I come from it's "not just a name" but lineage.. and proud of it. I'm married to a man. No name change.
Author compulsivedancer Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 what-? huh? it's just a name change . its a name - a tag - we all have them it doesn't MAKE us who we are thou!!!! Still the same person maybe you'd change yours for a female? my sister in law is gay- and she once said exactly what you have but persnonally-i think your reply is sexist aM If it's just a name change, ask a man to change his and see what happens. Most men would never even entertain the idea. I once heard a woman call a man a gay slur because he took the woman's name.
maymcap Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I will be changing my name back. I feel like that's not who I am anymore. I took that last name because I was his wife. Now that I won't be, I don't feel the need to have the name. Although, I did ask my daughter if she is okay with us not sharing our last name. She said she is. We have the same middle name so I feel like I still have a name connection with her.
aMguilts Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 dont slur me we are all entilled to our own views? or even an opinion on someone elses? so you had mine a:pM like it or lump it -
amaysngrace Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I kept my married name because it's my kids' name. He wanted me to change it back and said it's not my name anymore. He bugged about it a lot. So finally I said fine, I'll change it, but only if he signs something agreeing to change our children's name to my maiden name too. That was the last time he ever brought it up.
LoveMyCat Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I kept my married name because it's my kids' name. He wanted me to change it back and said it's not my name anymore. He bugged about it a lot. So finally I said fine, I'll change it, but only if he signs something agreeing to change our children's name to my maiden name too. That was the last time he ever brought it up. I don't have kids, but I guess if my husband wants me to change my name back to my maiden name, I will do it. Right now, I just can't think about all of the paperwork hassles. Lol.
kenmore Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 My wife asked me to change my name when we were discussing changing hers, and I said no way! She didn't want to either, but I insisted. we're mid 50's and are old school. I didn't want this no name change crap! I still don't. We argued. We ended up with the hyphenated thing, but (ralfgarnett) she has already put in the petition that she wants her name changed back. Yeah, it hurts, but of course I understand it. It only hurts because it punctuates the divorce. Once we're finished, why would I give a damn? I am now so ready to have her name not mine anymore. Not to sound too chauvinistic, but I still feel that a "family" should share a last name because it simply makes many things much easier. I also feel that the woman should change her name because it's tradition. I also feel it's a sign that she's willing to "put emphasis" on the marriage. For a man to change his, yeah, it seems gay. I have decided that if we end up divorcing and reconciling, I will not sign a prenupt again, and I'm sure she has decided that under the same circumstances, she will not change her name again. Yeah, we're both pig-headed. Any wonder why things didn't work out? Of course there will be no reconciliation anyway. And yeah lovemycat, it's a HUGE paperwork hassle, and I do sympathize with my wife even now, before the divorce, because I can see it coming just as she can. Ken
Els Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 To put 'tradition' into perspective - I come from a very traditional culture, where gender roles are still quite prevalent (the man provides, the woman nurtures, etc). And yet... while the children do take the man's name, the woman does not change hers. At least, not legally/formally, though she will sometimes be referred to socially as Mrs. Husbandsname. I did not understand what all the issue with name-changing was (being called Mrs. Husbandsname by your friends did not sound bad at all to me) until I found out that in Western culture the name change is a legal change, which can cause issues with professional history and identification! I was gobsmacked. My first thought was - why?? The custom seemed greatly at odds with a progressive culture. At any rate, the only woman I know who took her husband's name legally and divorced after that, is keeping her husband's name. She said it was too much of a hassle to go through the change again as she had already published several papers under that name. 2
strawberrypie77 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I have been married for fifteen years husband was divorced when I met him. He was married for about ten years but separated probably about seventy percent of that time. She went on to have another child from someone else yet kept his last name. Doesn't make sense.
No Limit Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 There is this really old German song, translated it would be "He belongs to me, like my name on my door". I'd definitely change my name back.
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