lostsoul6486 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 So, after 5 months of NC, my ex contacted me last night. It was a text message. What a coincidence that I hadn't posted on here in a while and just a couple of days after I posted to say how much better I'm doing, she sent me a text. I am so glad she did! It has just validated how far I've come. Getting an apology was pretty good as well. The text just said that she was sorry for everything she ever did to me (first time she admitted any wrongdoing, which is great) and that she hopes I'm really happy because she cares about me. I didn't answer. I was so shocked when I first saw it that I didn't know how to react. I'm not gonna answer because I don't want to give her any chance to try to reel me back in. Idk if she's still with her new bf or not and I don't want to know. The fact that I just typed those last two sentences feels so good. I wouldn't have had the strength for this just a few weeks ago. Thank you to everyone on these forums for your encouragement and advice! I'll be around when I can to return the favor! 19
Kayann Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 So, after 5 months of NC, my ex contacted me last night. It was a text message. What a coincidence that I hadn't posted on here in a while and just a couple of days after I posted to say how much better I'm doing, she sent me a text. I am so glad she did! It has just validated how far I've come. Getting an apology was pretty good as well. The text just said that she was sorry for everything she ever did to me (first time she admitted any wrongdoing, which is great) and that she hopes I'm really happy because she cares about me. I didn't answer. I was so shocked when I first saw it that I didn't know how to react. I'm not gonna answer because I don't want to give her any chance to try to reel me back in. Idk if she's still with her new bf or not and I don't want to know. The fact that I just typed those last two sentences feels so good. I wouldn't have had the strength for this just a few weeks ago. Thank you to everyone on these forums for your encouragement and advice! I'll be around when I can to return the favor! Being new at this, this post is very encouraging and inspirational for me. Thanks so much for sharing! 1
Author lostsoul6486 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Well, I just found out that my ex is in fact now single. One of her friends casually brought it up in conversation if you could believe that (yeah, I don't believe it either...it was definitely on purpose). Anyway, I thought this would make me want to contact her, but it hasn't. I have thought about answering her text a few times these past few days, but finding out she is single again has actually made me NOT want to contact her which I didn't expect at all. I'm actually a bit upset. Last time something like this happened, I took her back so I guess she thinks the same thing will happen again. Idk if she really has any ulterior motives besides just apologizing and saying she didn't realize what a great man I am, but her doing it now that she is single again is a HUGE coincidence, right? I mean, this isn't the first time she has told that me she "didn't realize" I'm a great guy. I would be lying if I said that no part of me wants to answer her and see where it leads. Maybe she was just apologizing and saying nice things about me because she felt like she owed it to me. Maybe there is an ulterior motive and she's testing the waters. Whatever the case may be, it's a lose/lose for me. If she was really just apologizing, I would be hurt when it leads to nothing and if she wants to try again, I've seen the way that goes and there is never a happy ending no matter how good the beginning is. I wish there was because I do love her, but the reality of the situation is that there is not. It's hard, but I'm doing everything I can to not cave in!
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 You owe her nothing. It's good you haven't replied to her text. I wouldn't be surprised if she texts you again, though this time it'll sound a bit more desperate, possibly asking if you'd like to get together and talk. She apologized but now it feels less sincere because she's single again. Like there's some hidden agenda.... Stay strong and think about blocking her number. You've done a great job moving forward, don't ever allow her to suck you back in. As for the mutual friend, ask them to please not talk to you about her and also not to mention you to her. Makes me wonder if that mutual friend was there just to tell you the news about her being single again.. 2
Ieris Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 DO NOT CAVE ! You fell for it once before, don't let it happen again. It is pretty common for exes to come crawling back when it doesn't work out with the other girl/guy. The way they think they can waltz back into your life and use you to fill a void until they jump onto the next girl/guy that comes along is pretty insulting. She doesn't deserve a reply, she needs to know that ship has sailed ! 3
dyna85 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I think you've summed it up quite well in the 'post here instead of contacting your ex!' section. That movie metaphor so perfectly exemplifies everything. It could not be more true. I think you know what needs to be done. Do you really want to regress to that chapter of your life? You've made it out of the woods, or at least, have made such significant progress thus far. Is that something you want to relive again? Don't let your kindness and consideration for others ruin your progress. You know in your heart what's right for you and your own well being and you gotta take care of yourself. Don't let her put you through the wringer again. The fact that she took 5 months to come around is just the first of many things wrong with this scenario. 2
Author lostsoul6486 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 You owe her nothing. It's good you haven't replied to her text. I wouldn't be surprised if she texts you again, though this time it'll sound a bit more desperate, possibly asking if you'd like to get together and talk. She apologized but now it feels less sincere because she's single again. Like there's some hidden agenda.... Stay strong and think about blocking her number. You've done a great job moving forward, don't ever allow her to suck you back in. As for the mutual friend, ask them to please not talk to you about her and also not to mention you to her. Makes me wonder if that mutual friend was there just to tell you the news about her being single again.. She definitely wanted me to know my ex is single again. She's a mutual friend, but she is in my ex's circle of friends. We're not close at all. I went out with some friends to a bar and she was there because she is the gf of one of my close friends.
mammasita Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 She probably got dumped and is lonely. Good for you for not giving in! 1
dumbass2 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 "Last time something like this happened, I took her back so I guess she thinks the same thing will happen again." No, she knows the same thing will happen and you will take her back. Show her with your silence that she is wrong this time and you are better than that. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" and this one is also one of my favorites “You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice.” "this isn't the first time she has told that me she "didn't realize" I'm a great guy." And it won't be the last if you allow her back into your life again. Don't be an enabler. If you do it, it will not end well and you will be back be on here for the next year and finally when you are over her, you will look back and kick yourself for wasting so much time. Don't let it happen to you again. you've come too far to fall back into that.
Jono85 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 yeah you'd have to be a fool to contact her after this. like you said, it would seem more genuine (and I mean about less than 5% genuine..) had she messaged you much sooner (ie. within a month or so) and was still with the other dude. the fact that she msgs you as she's in the dumps makes it sickening. don't be that fool...carry on.
Frank13 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 DO NOT CAVE ! You fell for it once before, don't let it happen again. It is pretty common for exes to come crawling back when it doesn't work out with the other girl/guy. The way they think they can waltz back into your life and use you to fill a void until they jump onto the next girl/guy that comes along is pretty insulting. She doesn't deserve a reply, she needs to know that ship has sailed ! The part in bold is so true. She isn't crawling back because she realizes she made a mistake and you're the guy for her. She's crawling back to fill a void until she can find the next guy.
Author lostsoul6486 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 Meh, she's not crawling back. At least not yet. I haven't heard anything else since that text. Hopefully she got the hint since I didn't answer and she doesn't make this any harder on me than it has to be. I still care about her and I don't like the fact that I know me not answering her may be hurting her. At first, "giving her a taste of her own medicine" felt good, but now I'm realizing that's not a good enough reason to not answer. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I'm too good for petty **** like that. My own well being, however, is a good enough reason to not answer. The part in bold is so true. She isn't crawling back because she realizes she made a mistake and you're the guy for her. She's crawling back to fill a void until she can find the next guy. I just tell myself that it's probably no big deal to her and she just felt like getting the apology out of her system. After all, I'm not a mind reader so assuming she cares would be stupid unless she told me that is the case. I used to like to think that relationships have too many factors to be the same across the board, but I learned the hard way that things like this are pretty standard behavior. It sucks to admit, but it's true.
dumbass2 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 "After all, I'm not a mind reader so assuming she cares would be stupid unless she told me that is the case." No, don't tell yourself that. There is nothing she can tell you and don't even try to read her mind. It will drive you insane. Actions speak louder than words and you cannot take her words to mean anything. You've already been there.I've learned a ton about words vs actions. Words sound great, but they tell you what they know you want to hear and then you get confused because their actions don't match.
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