Author Cedar27 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 I know what it's like to go over the "what ifs" in your head. That is all normal, and you will deal with those thoughts over the course of your grief. In the end, it's usually a two way street, and no one was perfect in the relationship. I will tell you something that is very important: she no longer cares if you "improve" or not, and it may never have mattered in the relationship anyway. When people are done, they are done. Period. End of story. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Unless you did something completely terrible like abuse her or cheat on her, take comfort that you are good enough. Even if she doesn't want to be with you, you are good enough and worthy enough. You can't make someone want to be with you, but it's not a judgement on you, as a person. You have to get out of that mentality, though I know it takes time. I was very harsh and judgemental of myself after my breakup. I blamed myself completely, but the truth was that my ex never deserved half of my love. He was very emotionally abusive to me. Now, that's not the case with you, but, still, don't judge yourself. Emotions are very fickle quite honestly. People fall in and out of love over the course of their lives. Some people seem to be able to jump from one person to the next and detach from relationships easily. I don't understand that myself, but my ex was that way. It has nothing to do with me or you. Thank you for your support. I just feel like I lost the "one". I am pretty selective when it comes to being in a relationship, so when I am in one you can believe it's because I am truly in love for life. I feel if someone can break up with me simply because of the fact I live a more routine and laid back "older" lifestyle that is just ridiculous. Her and I weren't just dating and she said we were compatible. We were together nearly three years and lived together for two. She knew the kind of guy I was. After nearly dying numerous times in my teens and early twenties due to drugs and alcohol, I turned my whole life around…literally dropping ALL my friends and starting over from scratch. 6 years later, I have a house (which I own), a profitable business, an outlook on life most 27 year old men don't have, and a maturity that I would think a lot of women want. Simply because I don't have a large social circle (for good reason), and because I stayed at home a lot shouldn't be enough reason to dump your soul mate. I mean, talk to me about it first! If this was such a huge deal breaker say it clearly. Instead, I got withholding sex, comments here and there about wanting to go out more, etc. I just am so pissed and confused and upset that someone who I picture the rest of my life with would give up so easily. If I am in love, I fight to the end to make it work until all options have been exhausted.
Author Cedar27 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) Also...when someone says...''oh, I need a break, but I may want to get back together someday...'' it usually means they are interested in someone while they were seeing you, and if that doesn't pan out...aw, then they'll let you come back. Isn't that so nice of her? lol she did say the last time we spoke she is talking to someone now, who she is fond of. Which is why it is so hard to decide what she wants. Some guy she apparently knew/met while her and I were together. And she wonders why I was weary of her making new guy friends. This might sound pathetic, but it might also be true: If only I was more exciting, adventurous, and spontaneous she wouldn't have even felt the need to seek guy friends out that she later became attracted to. On one hand I feel like this statement is a direct shot at me and my personality. I mean, should I feel bad for being introverted and serious about settling down? Just living a simple life? Or did I go too far and become TOO comfortable with her? I think its both, but it does not justify throwing away an entirely good relationship I feel so weak, begging for her to come back when she flat out told me there's a guy she likes THAT SHE HAS BEEN TALKING TO SINCE WE WERE TOGETHER. All the while she is probably staying up late talking to a man the same way her and I did. Meanwhile, I have tried to meet other women and to be honest none of them do anything for me right now. I am stuck in devastation mode wanting to still make things work. The fact she can so easily "be fond" of someone else so quickly is alarming. Then again, she checked out long ago in the relationship. Probably had her whole exit strategy planned, along with a handful of guy friend orbiters who were waiting for her to be single. What ever happened to two people devoting themselves to each other, compromising, talking, and working through things?! Edited January 17, 2015 by Cedar27
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