CALOVELY Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 you make a vaild point. So are you implying even if I left the relationship without someone there, I would have desperately looked for someone to at least have someone there to talk to? My ex didn't leave me for someone else, but I will admit I'm sure she has gotten closer and closer to her coworker to avoid being alone. Hell, I'll admit I'm doing the same damn thing too. I have a girl friend who I am completely platonic with, but have been spending so much time with her to avoid being alone. also, is there really nothing wrong with bailing on a wonderful relationship where you are deeply in love just to be single? is it really that innocent to plan a future together, to live and breathe together, to be each other's rocks, and then bail on that only to be single? 3 weeks before we broke up she was asking me which engagement ring I liked best and how much I'd be willing to spend. 2 weeks before we broke up we were talking about where we'd like to live once we graduate. and then boom. "don't you ever just want to be at the bar single? just do whatever you want?" I will say this gently but it does not sound like she felt this way. It sounds like she was waffling and decided to end the relationship rather than to be torn between it and being single. As I wrote earlier, there is honesty in that. She did the right thing if she had second thoughts. Too many people string the other along and even get married only to realize after the fact that a relationship/marriage is not right for them. It is painful for sure but in the long run it spared you much greater pain.
Author Aint_Easy Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 I will say this gently but it does not sound like she felt this way. It sounds like she was waffling and decided to end the relationship rather than to be torn between it and being single. As I wrote earlier, there is honesty in that. She did the right thing if she had second thoughts. Too many people string the other along and even get married only to realize after the fact that a relationship/marriage is not right for them. It is painful for sure but in the long run it spared you much greater pain. Thank you for that. It takes away a bit of my bitterness towards her. I have been telling myself "at least she did this now. if we stayed together she could have ended up resenting me which would have been worse." You're right. If this is something she wanted to experience, then she needs to experience it. I might as well too since I have the opportunity right?
elaine567 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 But then my life got really unstable just as her's was changing (new home, new university, new job). Sure as **** a month later her friend tells me that my ex said "I was in love with him, and I still am, it was just too much too soon, I have to find myself without him" So, it's clearly obvious we can blame the break up on loss of attraction.... Wrong conclusion. Her life was opening up, she saw possibilities, new horizons, she saw herself as an independent women. After 5 years together, YOU saw marriage and commitment. This was a serious relationship before its time in her life, that was what she meant by too much, too soon. She doesn't want to settle down with you, she wants to experience life, not be saddled with a husband and kids.
CALOVELY Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Thank you for that. It takes away a bit of my bitterness towards her. I have been telling myself "at least she did this now. if we stayed together she could have ended up resenting me which would have been worse." You're right. If this is something she wanted to experience, then she needs to experience it. I might as well too since I have the opportunity right? Of course you should experience this as well. You two are over and now you have the opportunity to see what else is out there. The world is your oyster.
Author Aint_Easy Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 She doesn't want to settle down with you, she wants to experience life, not be saddled with a husband and kids. hah funny. same girl who told me she felt so blessed to so easily find the one she was meant to be with the rest of her life. the same one who tried to convince ME how great having kids and a family is. I didn't want kids. I wanted to marry her and focus on our careers/travels. she started to see eye-to-eye with me on not having kids. she told me how excited she was to share all of her travels and experiences with me. she told me I was her rock and the one that caused her to never give up hope. I was the one who kept her ambitions strong. now all she does is brag about how much money her part time job makes her and how she's thinking maybe $30k a year is good enough. well at least I have the satisfaction of concluding this wasn't a loss of attraction. conversation still stands though as I find loss of attraction very interesting.
Sugarkane Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 When they "lose attraction" I also don't think it helps when they start going distant or lying about things. Therefore making the dumpee even more needy. 1
bigtrouble Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) Loss of attraction may be a major issue for some but not for all... IMHO it depends on the emotional maturity of a person, I mean happy couples grow old together, is there loss of attraction between them how do they handle it? true as a dumpee, there was loss of attraction already and when I got clingy needy boom it sealed my fate... Edited January 14, 2015 by bigtrouble
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