7 months and she's still in my head

[Nick14]

Yes Nick is back and stuff. Well guys, its been 7months since i got dumped and she's still in my head. I keep asking myself why is she still in my head and shouldn't it go away. Its been 3months of NC and I text her over the weekend and stuff saying I forgive you, I miss you, I wish we can talk again, I always wanted you to be happy and Happy Easter. Of course I didn't expect a text back. Its just so frustrating and its like she doesn't care and she probably doesn't miss me at all and she probably has a b/f. Yes, I am going to be moving a hour away next month but I still think her being in my mind is going to linger even if I do move. I still have bad days and it just sucks that I wish we could still hang out and talk. 2.5 years was so good and I admitted some mistakes but i was always there for her and I always wanted her to be so happy. I got everything going for me, a new car, nice place I am moving into etc..but I am still not happy and that piece is missing, she was that piece. She will never understand it and I even forgive her for falsely calling me a stalker back in January. I am a catholic and I don't hold grudges for too long so I mean ya. I guess i am just ranting and feel like writing. I got some friends who think I am crazy still about thinking about her.

 

-Dazed and Confused

[ChuckDee33]

Hey Nick, I have a similar situation. My gf of nearly 2 years left me back in August. I've just recently begun NC with her, like less than a month now. She is in a serious relationship with another guy now, which broke my heart all over again when I found that out. She said she doesn't love him but it still hurts like hell. But I think about her EVERY DAY. I want to call her and see her all the time but you know what? After putting myself through half a year of anguish trying to either get her back or be her friend (which was really just another way to try and get her back), I've snapped out of it and started to pay attention to ME, not HER.

 

I too am moving away soon, probably about an hour or so. So that in itself presents a problem for getting back together. I care about her so much but I had to realize that I have to stop trying to 'be there for her' like I always wanted to. She left me and she isn't going to be there for me when I feel like crap. Why should we be there for them? They made a decision for themselves, looking out for their own interests, not yours.

 

So you should just let it go, I know it sucks and it's the hardest thing to deal with ever. Don't play into her hands anymore man. Women like to know that their ex bfs are still pining over them while they moved on long ago. She might have been 'the one' back then but now she's not...people's feelings change and there's not much you can do about it. Don't look back because the past is the past. We don't have a DeLorean and we can't change what's happened. But we can change what will happen.

 

Keep up the NC and you will eventually not think of her as the missing piece to your life. Instead, think of it this way. She will become a piece that fits perfectly because she was simply a connecting piece that will lead to all the pieces coming together for you. Down the road you will see that she served a good purpose in your life, even if it wasn't meant to last forever. Understand? Take what you learned from your triumphs and shortcomings in love and use them to your advantage.

 

I'm still having a hard time with NC man. I mean, I love this girl and she was the best thing that happened to me. She's still young at 20 and I'm already 25. Sometimes it's just the right love at the wrong time. Oh well, life is too short to worry about it anymore. We gotta be strong and focus on finding what makes us happy when you know it's not gonna be her.

 

Hope this helps and I'll post again regularly.

[Nick14]

Originally posted by ChuckDee33

Hey Nick, I have a similar situation. My gf of nearly 2 years left me back in August. I've just recently begun NC with her, like less than a month now. She is in a serious relationship with another guy now, which broke my heart all over again when I found that out. She said she doesn't love him but it still hurts like hell. But I think about her EVERY DAY. I want to call her and see her all the time but you know what? After putting myself through half a year of anguish trying to either get her back or be her friend (which was really just another way to try and get her back), I've snapped out of it and started to pay attention to ME, not HER.

 

I too am moving away soon, probably about an hour or so. So that in itself presents a problem for getting back together. I care about her so much but I had to realize that I have to stop trying to 'be there for her' like I always wanted to. She left me and she isn't going to be there for me when I feel like crap. Why should we be there for them? They made a decision for themselves, looking out for their own interests, not yours.

 

So you should just let it go, I know it sucks and it's the hardest thing to deal with ever. Don't play into her hands anymore man. Women like to know that their ex bfs are still pining over them while they moved on long ago. She might have been 'the one' back then but now she's not...people's feelings change and there's not much you can do about it. Don't look back because the past is the past. We don't have a DeLorean and we can't change what's happened. But we can change what will happen.

 

Keep up the NC and you will eventually not think of her as the missing piece to your life. Instead, think of it this way. She will become a piece that fits perfectly because she was simply a connecting piece that will lead to all the pieces coming together for you. Down the road you will see that she served a good purpose in your life, even if it wasn't meant to last forever. Understand? Take what you learned from your triumphs and shortcomings in love and use them to your advantage.

 

I'm still having a hard time with NC man. I mean, I love this girl and she was the best thing that happened to me. She's still young at 20 and I'm already 25. Sometimes it's just the right love at the wrong time. Oh well, life is too short to worry about it anymore. We gotta be strong and focus on finding what makes us happy when you know it's not gonna be her.

 

Hope this helps and I'll post again regularly.

 

I am assuming you have talk to her on and off in the past after the break up correct? If so, I wish that could happen to me. From August to December, she has not once initiated contact. Has never replied back via email or via text. I call and it goes straight to voice mail. There was one month of NC from November to December. I remembered that she was going to graduate college this past december. So, me being the nice caring guy I am, I sent her a "happy grad" ecard, no response but I know she read it. Later in december, I sent her a happy holidays card and brought I like to start talking to you again, again no response.

I went to the gym one night around 8pm(my usual time) a couple days before new years and she saw me there. she stared at me blankly for a few seconds and then went to excericse. I so wanted to talk to her but I knew she has to initiate it, she never did. I sent her a text later that night saying "wish you would of went up and said hi at least". I find out later that night via her AIM away message she hinted at calling me a stalker. I know this is false only because there is no grounds showing I am. So, I got angry fired off a IM, told her off and what not and of course I get blocked. A week later, I sent her a email just apologizing about saying **** out of my ass and what not(i did this cause I felt apologizing and I didn't mean what I said). Since beg of jan to know, no contact and then I texted her over easter just saying "Hey (name), I hope you have a good easter and I really hope your happy. I am just sayin that cause I care. I honestly do miss you and wish we could talk". Again, it was a text message and you really couldn't say much. I did it cause I mean the pressure go to me and I dunno, I guess I got nothing to lose by doing that. So, got no response back. But, I mean I do forgive her for what she did the last few months, only cause I am a catholic and I hold no grudges, I don't think she meant everything she said with the stalker stuff.

Like you Chuck, I really do love her alot. It just hurts to be treated like a stranger and it make like as if 2.5 years was really not reality. If you had to ask me, whats the most you miss about her, I have to say I miss hanging out and talking to her more then anything. We were practically like best friends and backing each other up in our relationship. It was her first realtionship and I knew i was walking a fine line with that. I know how everyone was saying "come on, you know they want to look for someone else. First relationships never last". I rejected that statement only cause i didn't want to believe it when we were together. Well, when I move, I'll clean up my room and theres probably going to be some of her stuff that I will box up. I'll probably drop it off at her footstep with a note and a happy b-day small gift (small certificate or something since her b-day is right around my move date) and leave. I know its a coward way of dropping something off. If i leave a voice mail saying I am coming by to drop some of her stuff off, I don't want her to freak out I guess. hmm..

[ChuckDee33]

It sounds like she has moved on man and you just gonna have to accept it and do the same. I know it's not what you want to hear but it's the best advice I think anyone on here would give you. I mean, after many months of you obviously trying to get a peep out of her and nothing happens...she is probably just getting more upset at your efforts. You are pushing her further away every time you send a message or card because it comes off as being desperate.

 

Look, from a guy who's been there...yes, my ex still tries to contact me but I'm not gonna answer her anymore. Not until I'm ready to be friends and that might be a very long time from now. You are still caught up on her and her feelings about you. You gotta stop that train of thought my man. You need to stop worrying about that and just do things for yourself. I think once you move away it will be easier. She isn't going to respond to any of your attempts at contact, it's obvious. Why beat yourself up when you know you'll just feel like crap when she doesn't respond? It's not worth it man.

 

Don't text her or send her anything anymore. I'm sure she knows how you feel about her. Let her contact you on your own terms. The bottom line is that she's moved on and she's not looking back. Actually, she is doing you a favor by not talking to you and stringing you along, giving you false hope about the future. A lot of girls do that so consider yourself lucky in a way. It's up to you whether you want to keep dragging yourself down and stay stuck in this cycle or whether you're strong and close out this chapter of your life completely.

 

Don't go drop her stuff on her doorstep with a bday note man. Either take it all with you and bury it deep in your closet or just toss it all. And seriously, stop trying to be nice to her and everything. You don't owe her anything at this point. You only owe it to yourself to move on. Maybe after 6 months or whatever she will wonder why she hasn't heard anything from you. Then she'll being wondering about you and your life maybe and contact you. Either way, you'll have moved on my man or you can reconcile. But don't count on it. Better to leave a broken relationship broken than go and cut yourself by trying to pick up all the pieces.

[Nick14]

I guess the one thing I dont' get is, 2.5 years and then treat someone like a stranger. I feel like I am in the movie called the Garden State. Its been 7 months and i still can't over her completely as a person, i am scared I'll probably never will 100% completely get over our love and how I wanted to marry her and enjoy a good life of happiness together. I mean when I was with her, I felt like i can fly forever. I never felt that with any other girl. Its a very strong soul feeling. I remember I come home from work and go to her place and she would be so happy to see me. Even before the break up, same thing. Now, I am like nothing to her and like i am trash and I got thrown out. I am just frustrated how everyone's usually comes back and makes contact later. I feel like I am getting singled out in a way which sucks. I also dunno how she could just forget about a person who was her first love for 2.5 years just like that. Some people say, its 7 months, you should feel pretty damn happy and what not. i dunno how to feel anymore, I feel really bogged down and in a way feel like jumping off a cliff or something, **** sucks.

[Blackout23]

Hey Nick14

 

I read all of your posts and I can relate... because my ex broke it off with me around nov. 04 ( together for almost 5 years ) I mean at first we were hanging out still and talking but then of cos I go and screw it up by starting a fight with her about 2 1/2 weeks ago 3 weeks because I thought she was seeing someone eles or maybe she is? I'm not 100% sure on that... anyway NC has been on for about 2 weeks before I broke down and called her... she picked up and said she was about to eat dinner so I tried again in an hr and went straight into VM so I figure she shut her phone off... I tried to email her these past 2 days and I get no responce... I still feel like it was yesterday that we broke up... maybe just a little better sometimes... still depressed...I figured if she don't respond to my emails I guess I'm going to try to keep NC from her ... maybe I'll feel better later or something... Guess the best way to heal is NC....

[Sukotto]

Guys its natural to think about them all the time, my ex broke up with me in September and I still think about her daily but I've not spoken to her since early January. I know she's seeing someone else and that hurts at first, but if the guy makes her happy then I'll accept that. I just don't care any more.

 

Too much will have happened since your time apart and it sounds like they're getting to that stage where they need to see whats out there. I call it "something better" syndrome. At the moment I'm in the process of writing a free ebook called "Moving On". Its about 40 pages at the moment but I'm still doing research which involves reading lots of psychology books and asking lots of random people about their experiences.

 

Best tips I can give you:

• Don't be a wuss, that means no begging for her to come back or sending comments about them not saying "Hi" when you see them. They are your EX for a reason, its not going to work out and being friends with them is not very likely. I've spoken to both couples in a relationship after it ended. The person who was dumped always wanted to be friends, they tried it at first but I've found about 5% stay friends, in the cases most of their relationships had went from romantic to platonic.
  
• Get closure, return her stuff and anything that she got you put away in a box and then seal it and put it in cupboard somewhere. You dont want reminders of her to open wounds.
  
• Don't contact her, simple as that. No drunk phoning or texting, do you really need her in your phone book any more? (You probably still know her number off by heart anyway). No emailing either.
  
• Write down the negative feelings, the hurt, upset and anger. Then throw the piece of paper away, as if your throwing away her feelings. If you send it to her then her friends and new boyfriend are only going to laugh at it.
  
• Avoid her like the plague, avoid the places she goes and avoid her friends. For the first few months you need to basically remove the chances of contact, it will help ease the pain. After a few months feel free to go back to the places you use to go.
  
• Don't try to get stuff back unless it was a pricessless diamond ring or family heirloom. Do you think that your toothbrush and that dvd you lent her is worth your dignity?
  
• Most importantly remember the bad times, when we start reminiscing of past experiences we tend only to remember the good times and you'll end up painting some sort of fantasty woman. Remember the times you use to argue and the bad habbits she had.
  

You'll still think about her from time to time but the feelings do dullen and you stop missing them and its more curiosity about what their doing. If you can find yourself a rebound girl, but make sure that the other party is aware of it.

 

Hope this helps.

[Nick14]

Originally posted by Blackout23

Hey Nick14

 

I read all of your posts and I can relate... because my ex broke it off with me around nov. 04 ( together for almost 5 years ) I mean at first we were hanging out still and talking but then of cos I go and screw it up by starting a fight with her about 2 1/2 weeks ago 3 weeks because I thought she was seeing someone eles or maybe she is? I'm not 100% sure on that... anyway NC has been on for about 2 weeks before I broke down and called her... she picked up and said she was about to eat dinner so I tried again in an hr and went straight into VM so I figure she shut her phone off... I tried to email her these past 2 days and I get no responce... I still feel like it was yesterday that we broke up... maybe just a little better sometimes... still depressed...I figured if she don't respond to my emails I guess I'm going to try to keep NC from her ... maybe I'll feel better later or something... Guess the best way to heal is NC....

 

Ya, it just sucks. Its like a nightmare or I am being sentenced or something. I been out with a few women, one of them almost became a g/f before I knew it didn't feel right. In a way, I was trying to compare to see if they were better then my ex. They all failed!! I know what you guys are going to say, never compare at all period! I know, but god damn, this was the first girl out of all girls since I was a teenager that made me happy. I so wanted to marry her, move in with her, the whole 9 yards. I mean this was so easy for her, instead she just folded and said I am outta here. I mean now most of you guys known me since october, I made a few mistakes in the past which were immature and well I turned my **** around this summer for her, me and the relationship. I guess I don't understand how she loved having me over every day in August prior to the breakup. Everything was smooth as silk, then its like the plague came up out of nowhere and ate me up. I did so much for that girl and she did so much back. Honestly and I think we would all agree, we would do anything for our love to wake up one morning and go "wtf did I just do". I highly doubt it they would do that 7 months after a breakup or even a year, **** sucks, life sucks. I am afraid of trusting a woman and if I did, I want it to be like how it was between my ex and I. That was the most fun I had ever with anyone I was associated with guy or girl, now thats a true best friend besides a g/f. Thats another reason why I miss her, I don't care if its a g/f or as a friend, I just miss her as whole. I dunno, if I should just say **** it and tell her "I am moving, now you dont' have to worry about me being in the same area anymore".

[Blackout23]

honestly don't tell her sh*t... keep her guessing... if she is not... well you know whats next... I mean in my situation I don't honestly know what this mean... I have a blog online and she comes by everyday to check it out? Does that mean she still cares? or she just checking up on me? well either way its a comfort feeling to know she still checks it out...she don't leave comments or anything but I see her IP address... I miss her greatly like you said as a friend and as someone who I can TELL anythng too and not hold back... I can say I really miss the bond between us the chats shopping together just hanging out you know? I miss her family too...I miss her cat too damnit lols... but I know she don't want me no more... she even said it in a harsh way too...

 

I try not to reminese but a 5 year relationship a lot happens in between... esp since I'm only 20 so... thats how long we've been together...and she was my first love too... wow this sucks... I so far put away all the pictures besides one I guess of both of us on my bedside...but everything eles basicly is in storage..

[Nick14]

Ya, I hear you blackout. I did tell a mutual friend of ours, who I am friends with for the last 3 years. He always helped me out and what not. I told him I am moving next month a hour away. He was kinda shocked about it, but he was cool and I told him he can always come by and what not. I don't really care if he tells her, that was not my main objective. He's my only friend I have around the area and it was approiate to tell him. He keeps on telling me, you need to get over it, its going to ruin you pretty bad. He understands obviously. But, ya I guess I won't tell her and keep her guessing. So far, she has blocked me off messengers, maybe blocked my email addy, has a new b/f i guess. Ya I guess life for her is so freaking dandy

[Blackout23]

yeah for some reason life seems always better for the person who dumps u.... maybe its me but everything for her just fits right in while everything on myside is falling apart...

 

Every single night I have a dream that has something to do with her... I don't know...maybe is cause I miss her so much? I got no clue but the hardest part I guess is still waking up and realizing the situation wasn't a dream and its reality... I try to go on with my life everyday... but you know she still pop up in my head...

 

I have a question for those who got over their ex... do you truely forget your ex? like the feeling completely disappears? Because I have a feeling it don't disappear and it just lingers in your system forever...even after you find somebody eles....

[beatjunkies]

Wow blackout i have the same thing.. i was with my ex for 7 years.. i am 21.. I dream about her all the time !! I think about her everyday too !! I am going through the same thing, only I talk to mine here and there.. I taked to her yesterday (only becaue i sent her an email and some pictures of my new apartment like last week) So we chatted and what not. My ex has dumped me because i moved out of state this past sept but i moved back in dec because i missed her and being in california. She now has a bf and it sucks.. I told her I was sorry and i wanted to work things out... She just seems like she doesnt even care anymore though.. I used to ask myself the same thing " How could we be together 7 years and basically grow up together and be like this?" O well.. Its just weird and I hate thinking about her all the time and having dreams about her.. The dreams are usually like us kissing or talking or whatever.. its better than it is.. Then when i wake up in the morning im like oh shiz it was just a dream.. haha its just weird though. Thought id add to this thread.. Take care,

[Blackout23]

yea beatjunkies, every single night... but at least you talk to her... so in a way that helps and not also... I miss her like crazy... I can honestly say there are no waking moments I am not really thinking about her...

 

wow 7 years, thats basicly all your life... that really sucks big time...

 

yea maybe she is with a her new bf now but you still got a chance to get back with her I think... if the reason you stated was the reason you 2 seperated then I think you 2 do have a chance together again...

 

Wondering do you guys get this feeling on your chest it feels like a pain? I just developed it lately some of my friends say its from stress... I think its related because lately we've only stopped talking and this pain has arrived... anyhow... good luck guys and take care of yourselfs...

 

hey maybe one day we all be in the 2nd chance forums? or maybe even better in the love relationship forums talking about how good life is with the ex that became your g/f again hehe.. yea im daydreaming...

[whichwayisup]

You got some great advice here from everybody, not much more I can add except check out No Foolin's thread

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ that can help you alot!!

[Isabella82]

Nick,

 

After reading this post your story is kind of like mine and now I don't feel so left out. It seems like everyone in here has some story of their exes calling them. I don't care if these calls are drunken calls or not, at least they called.

 

It has been 10 months since my ex broke up with me, and some days it still feels fresh. He broke up with me out of no where and never looked back. He was my everything I wanted to marry him and grow old with him. Up until the day he broke up with me, I thought the feelings were mutual.

 

We were together 2 years, and I was also his first relationship. I too always had people tell me that it isn't a good thing that I was his first long term relationship, but I thought that it didn't matter. I am 22 and so is he, and I thought that we were old enough and mature enough to make the relationship last.

 

I also feel like he just threw me away, and I still do not understand why. I am thinking maybe he just changed as a person and what we had together he just didn't want anymore. When he broke up with me at first he was all nice about it, and then afterwards during the only conversation we had about it, he blamed the whole thing on me.

 

I too have dreams about him all the time, and it hurts me everyday. After 10 months you would think I would be over it, but I'm not. I just feel like something is wrong with me. It just hurts so much, and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it, because everyone is so shocked that I am not over it, and they wonder what is wrong with me.

 

My mom even says that she got over her ex husband faster then 10 months.....not sure why it takes me so long. I am trying to get over him without replacing him. It seems like every guy I met doesn't add up to what my ex was. I don't want to compare but I can't help but to compare.

 

I have had other long term relationships before but I have always moved on a lot faster then this one. I still think about my other exes occasionally but its usually stupid things that remind me of them, and I just hope the best for them, because I am not hurt by them anymore.

 

Sometimes I just think that I will never get completely over this ex, and if I am as great as what everyone says I am then why didn't he think so? Why didn't he stay with me? It is the worst feeling in the world to love someone that doesn't love you back.

 

We are all going through this together.

[demonfall]

Originally posted by Blackout23

Wondering do you guys get this feeling on your chest it feels like a pain? I just developed it lately some of my friends say its from stress... I think its related because lately we've only stopped talking and this pain has arrived... anyhow... good luck guys and take care of yourselfs...

 

Hell, I get nosebleeds every so often now since I was dumped in January. I think I get so stressed that it builds up and has to release somehow.

[pippen_2k]

Hey guys, dont put a timetable on getting over ur emotions. Everybody in here is different, and everyone cope's differently towards losing a loved one. Putting a timetable on ur emotions or looking at them stupid formula's which work it out, will only set u back, because you will just get upset and feel abnormal if u havent 'cured' as fast as someone else.

 

And remember you are not depressed, thats a medical condition. You are just grieving.

 

Good Luck.

[Donut]

I agree with pippen_2k.

 

I still feel bad 6 months on. But one day you will feel indifferent, the point is you have to allow it to happen.

 

No Contact is the best, not as a manipulation to get them back (trying to make them jealous is just stupid and a waste of your energy and precious time), but to allow you to learn from it and move on.

 

Maybe you'll cross paths again one day, but stop waiting on the pier for your ship to come in, it probably isn't going where you want to go.

[Nick14]

Originally posted by Isabella82

Nick,

 

After reading this post your story is kind of like mine and now I don't feel so left out. It seems like everyone in here has some story of their exes calling them. I don't care if these calls are drunken calls or not, at least they called.

 

It has been 10 months since my ex broke up with me, and some days it still feels fresh. He broke up with me out of no where and never looked back. He was my everything I wanted to marry him and grow old with him. Up until the day he broke up with me, I thought the feelings were mutual.

 

We were together 2 years, and I was also his first relationship. I too always had people tell me that it isn't a good thing that I was his first long term relationship, but I thought that it didn't matter. I am 22 and so is he, and I thought that we were old enough and mature enough to make the relationship last.

 

I also feel like he just threw me away, and I still do not understand why. I am thinking maybe he just changed as a person and what we had together he just didn't want anymore. When he broke up with me at first he was all nice about it, and then afterwards during the only conversation we had about it, he blamed the whole thing on me.

 

I too have dreams about him all the time, and it hurts me everyday. After 10 months you would think I would be over it, but I'm not. I just feel like something is wrong with me. It just hurts so much, and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it, because everyone is so shocked that I am not over it, and they wonder what is wrong with me.

 

My mom even says that she got over her ex husband faster then 10 months.....not sure why it takes me so long. I am trying to get over him without replacing him. It seems like every guy I met doesn't add up to what my ex was. I don't want to compare but I can't help but to compare.

 

I have had other long term relationships before but I have always moved on a lot faster then this one. I still think about my other exes occasionally but its usually stupid things that remind me of them, and I just hope the best for them, because I am not hurt by them anymore.

 

Sometimes I just think that I will never get completely over this ex, and if I am as great as what everyone says I am then why didn't he think so? Why didn't he stay with me? It is the worst feeling in the world to love someone that doesn't love you back.

 

We are all going through this together.

 

 

Ya and I thought I was the only one who's ex never talk to me since the break up. All I see is the dumper coming back within a few months and initiate things and second chances happen. I get so jealous and it just frustrates me I guess. I hear you about not getting over someone. I do agree that I probably will never get over her. If you can never get over that one person that you love, then you know it was true love in the beginning and in a way that kinda sucks. Its trying thing, it lingers and I like when I am with another girl, it honestly does not feel the same.