LoverOfDance Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 How do I handle guys on dating sites who respond but don't ask questions? My first instinct is to stop talking to them because they don't seem to be very interested to me. What do you guys think? How do I handle guys like this? Responses from both men and women (but preferably men) would be very much appreciated.
TabbyHearts Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I dislike when this happens, too, because obviously them not asking questions back isn't the best way to keep a conversation flowing! The first time or two, I might reply and then ask another question, but if it happens any more than that, I don't reply at all. They usually come back or the conversation naturally dies due to non-interest. 1
Danda Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Generally I will ask a few questions and throw up some subjectively-interesting topics, and then move on if they don't help me keep the conversation moving. Also sometimes a guy will keep adding new topics to the convo, because it fuels the back and forth and still shows a blatant interest in talking with me. I actually prefer that to playing 20 Questions but it's somewhat rare in my experience. Basically I'll give it a few tries if I'm really interested, but then I'm done. There is no forcing a person to be more interested, more chatty or to pursue you. Either they are/do, or they're not/don't. It's the way most women experience rejection, I think. If a man pursues but gets shots down, it's rejection. If a woman attempts to green light or lure a man, but he doesn't pursue, well that's our rejection experience. How many times have you messaged him? Is he adding new substance the conversation (to which you could respond), even if not asking you straight up questions? Again I will generally try to help someone out in case they're just awkward online or clueless/anxious or some other devil's advocate card my brain plays for people, ask them open-ended questions for example, but if after multiple attempts a guy isn't showing any signs of clear interest, I move on. I think it's similar to how women are socially programmed to be "nice" at all costs and so rarely state a lack of interest outright. I think often the equivalent for men is that attention initiated from a woman on OLD is kind of like seeing a unicorn in their backyard, so even if they wouldn't normally be interested they just sort of.. slowly wave in a state of shock. 1
Author LoverOfDance Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 @Danda First of all, I'd like to say great profile pic, lol :-) Well I've spoken to a lot of men like this. Once they're not asking any questions, I see it as a red light/flag because even though they respond, the conversation always seems to die out at some point. I have only asked this man two questions and his responses have been short and he hasn't asked any questions in return. Something tells me to leave it there because I am pretty sure I know where the conversation is going to end up.
Danda Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 @Danda First of all, I'd like to say great profile pic, lol :-) Well I've spoken to a lot of men like this. Once they're not asking any questions, I see it as a red light/flag because even though they respond, the conversation always seems to die out at some point. I have only asked this man two questions and his responses have been short and he hasn't asked any questions in return. Something tells me to leave it there because I am pretty sure I know where the conversation is going to end up. After a little while of questions and conversation, if he's interested he needs to ask you out on a date. Some guys will get too nervous and not be able to do it. Other guys will decide not to go for it because they're not interested enough or something else came up. If things were going okay and then it gets to the point that of "once it's not going well anymore" that generally means that when they would have asked you for a date, for whatever reason(s) they didn't. But if you keep coming at them with messages, they might give you very short replies to keep you as a backup prospect if they lower their standards later on or whatever. However I think it's worthy to bring up, what sort of green light strategies are you using? As far as giving them indication that you would say yes if they did ask you out on a date? If you're not giving them enough green light, then it might often be the case that they're at that point where they should ask you out but they can't tell what their chances are. Their gender generally has to do all or most of the asking-out and rejection stings like a bitch, so you want to make sure you're also putting out solid green lights for them if you're interested.
preraph Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Ask open questions, not yes or no ones. What are you mostly interested in? What do you mostly do on the weekends? What do you like to talk about?
shet Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 If they can't create and maintain a conversation they're dullards, end of story, stop bothering with them. This describes at least half of online daters, male or female. Their entire vocabulary consists of Yes, No, Maybe, Lol, OK and emoji's, they'll still manage to misspell it, and they don't even come across as human, more like chat bots or sentient meat.
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