JustSomeGuy001 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 It's my first post here, I'm hoping this is where I should put it. I'll try to make a long story short: I'm kinda in love with this girl. About a month ago, I kinda asked her out. She refused me and a few days later she mentioned she has a boyfriend. I know I should have dug a little more and find out that she has someone before actually asking her out, but it's not why I'm writing this here. Since then, it hurts me every time I'm around her. She continued being really friendly to me and, although we never talked about this, it's obvious she wants us to continue being friends. But it hurts me to know we can't be more than friends. So, last week I tried avoiding her a little. I had come to the conclusion that the best way to move on is to see her less. I haven't talked to her so much this week and for the last 3 days we haven't talked at all. But now I realize it hurts me at least as much when she's not around. I don't know what to do because either way it hurts...
evanescentworld Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 What you're doing (avoiding her, staying away) is correct. Keep going. You can't be buddy-buddy with someone you have feelings for. The other thing you need to know, is that women are far more capable of enjoying a completely platonic relationship, for what it is - just being friends - far more than men are able to. men nearly always have the "It would be great to get her into bed" agenda. For the most part, women do not think that way. She truly could be a good friend, but your desire for her won't let that come to fruition. (This is why women love gay guys as friends. No pressure, and honest feedback on clothes/hair/shoes!) 2
Light Breeze Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 You're "addicted" to her right now like a drug. Chemical reaction and stuff exploding in your brain Of course it's going to hurt when you don't see her, it's called withdrawal. But you'll see, the less you get in contact with her your "addiction" will fade then you'll feel back to normal. I suggest though avoid her completely altogether until such time that you feel indifferent. 3
Gloria25 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I agree with the others...the wound is still fresh. My wound was fresh, but I will say it's getting better. It gets better a little every day. Give it time and stick to the no contact. Stay busy. 1
Gloria25 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 BTW, I'm gonna emphasize the NC... You NEED to do NC...cuz if you don't you can't move on. Really. No checking their FB, no sneaking glances to see if they're looking at you, no looking for reasons to chat to them (i.e. you got a book you know they're looking for). If you don't do NC, you backslide. Like I did this week. But, I'm recovering from the backslide. Also, in regards to NC, yes, AVOID THEM. But, don't be so obvious about it and don't be rude. Let's say that you and her go to the gym around the same time. Then change your time. But, if you see her walking down the street, don't turn and run away. That takes too much energy, is rude, and they can tell you're trying to avoid them. Good luck, I'm rooting for you...give it time, every day you forget them just a little and that's good. 1
ktya Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 OP, Sounds like you lack confidence. Ive hit on girls and when theyve said they have a boyfriend, just ignored it and kept on hitting on them and flirting. Eventually the bf will piss them off and they come running to me. Usually they have no problem having a little revenge sex. When they are single, they give me a fair first chance. Keep on her and be direct about what you want. Dont fall into the friend zone. But date other girls too, dont become fixated on her. 1
Author JustSomeGuy001 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 Thanks for the answers! ktya, I really don't think she is the kind of girl to do that... I guess I'll try to follow the other suggestions and try to avoid having contacts with her. This will be hard though. I met her at a party given by our company (I had known her by sight for some time) and since then we've made a habit to go to coffee together every morning. Gloria25, you said 'don't be so obvious about it'... If I don't go to coffee with her anymore, it'll be obvious I'm avoiding her. If I go, it hurts and I'll never forget her this way. Not to say that I still have to see her from time to time, because we work on the same floor.... (and, yeah, I've heard opinions that work relationships aren't advised, but I couldn't help myself and I just fell for her). And this 'coffee break' is just an example of contact that became a habit, but I'll have to avoid in the future without being obvious... I wish I had never got to know her.
A O Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I guess I'll try to follow the other suggestions and try to avoid having contacts with her. This will be hard though. I'm with the others on this, point is though, you'll endure a lot more heartache if you do attempt to maintain contact with her in a (vain) hope that things may change. Your path is a well trodden one, but if you follow the advice of others here, your walk down one of life's rockiest roads will be brief.
spiderowl Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) I would say if you feel you can't be just friends with this girl, then spend less time with her, but I'm mindful of the fact that in my social circle (which consists of different groups in different areas of the town) that when someone has got a new girlfriend or boyfriend, it is nearly always someone they knew through that social circle, someone they were friends with previously. Also, of various members of my extended family, two of the women met their partners while they were still married. The marriages were in difficulty and in one case in a desperate situation due to the alcoholism of one of the partners, but nevertheless, their (future) husbands were attached when they first met them. What does this show? It seems to show that relationships develop gradually and that people who change their relationships (for whatever reason) are more likely to move into a new relationship with someone they know fairly well as a friend. Edited January 11, 2015 by spiderowl
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