Charlotte S Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Hello! New to the forum here and would really appreciate some outside perspective on my situation. A few months ago a new guy started at my office in a different department. I never really have to interact with him but work closely with his colleagues. From the onset I thought he liked me, he was always checking me out when I walked through and having flirty conversations. I heard from colleagues he was asking questions about me, and in the past month it became more noticeable with him keep dropping by my desk for a chat, asking for my help on things and it became common knowledge that he liked me. A couple of weeks ago my department had a night out which he tagged along to, we spent a lot of time talking and perhaps unwisely I bought him home with me. The sex was great, and he commented too that it was the best he'd had for a long time, we just have a great chemistry. The next day I felt a little horrified I'd slept with him too soon but he reassured me it was fine. We'd spent all night cuddling and the next day watching movies and having lunch. A few days later we had plans to hang out after work, I was just heading to meet him when he suggested we have sex in the car park before going out. I declined, we went for dinner and ended up at mine having sex. Again after we hung out for hours. I saw him at work the next day and he was chatty and friendly but after that a couple of days passed with no contact. I decided to contact him as he'd been the one doing all the pursuing, we texted back and forth a little, just general conversation until he stopped replying. Two days later we had our office Christmas party. I saw him on my way and was met with "oh I didn't think you'd be here", I'd planned to meet a male friend from work (who has a gf) and he was offish with me about that. In the party he didn't speak to me all night, if we were in part of the same group discussion our eyes would meet and he'd look away or move and get a drink if he ended up stood near me. I don't want to sound conceited but to give perspective, I am a very attractive woman. I have been asked out by most of the guys in the office and I am used to people gawping when I pass. I work in stock control, a very male environment so I was out with male co workers - perhaps he didn't like this? Half way through the night I saw him chatting with another girl, she was average in appearance and a good 5 years or so older than us, they spent a lot of the night chatting together. My friend concluded it was to make me jealous. I later text him and asked how his evening was going, he immediately left her and came over to me. I said I didn't understand why he didn't acknowledge me and he said I didn't acknowledge him and started questioning me about my male friend and other guys in my department and whether I found them attractive. We ended up going home together again and had sex four times. He asked me if he could record it which I thought odd and declined, he then tried to persuade me to let him take naked photos of me, again I declined. The next day, Christmas eve he seemed in a rush to leave, he gave me a hug and said goodbye and I didn't hear from.him for two weeks during the Christmas vacation. I've also noticed him `friend` Xmas party girl.on facebook I've had people warn me they think he could be a player but give no grounds. The first day back at work he texted me asking about my break and.to tell me.somehow, everyone knows.we've been sleeping together. That was four days ago and I've heard nothing since. It's kind of disturbing as he's told me senior managers in the company have been asking pervy questions about what I'm like in bed, I notice people looking at me when I walk through his office now so we both kind of darent look at each other. What I don't understand: Did he just want sex? Surely if he was more interested he wouldn't leave large silences between contact? I also find the car park sex and the sex tape odd requests so early into seeing a new person. He'd also suggested places we could have sex at work. Is he a just an ******* pervert? Should I initiate contact? I'm sorry for the essay, I'm one year out of a very long term relationship and find dating very confusing
almond Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 He has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever, and he either isn't interested, or capable, of having a serious relationship at this point in time by the sounds of things. He seems controlling and insecure. I'd be putting an end to this quick smart. Huge red flags. Ignore them at your peril. 5
newlyborn Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 sadly, it sounds like it was (or became) just a sex thing for him. you are trying to upgrade it to proper dating, and he is letting you know that he is not willing to do that. the fact that he tried to have car sex with you before your first proper one-on-one date shows what his focus is. i am really sorry that this all happened with a co-worker. i definitely DON'T think you should reach out to him again. you already know he talks about you with colleagues in your male-dominated field. don't give him any more fodder for gossip. 2
LadyLuck2014 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Sigh. Any guy who asks you for a quickie in the friggen CAR before you leave for dinner is ALL about the sex. You've completely degraded and humiliated yourself in the eyes of your coworkers and have lost all their professional respect. And for what? To have sex with some guy from WORK that you hardly knew? He wasn't trying to make you 'jealous' at the party. How absurd. It sounds more like now that he got what he wanted - and bragged to everyone about how easy it was - he's moved on to his next conquest. LOL..."everyone SOMEHOW knows we slept together!" This guy is SUCH a douche bag. The next girl will get the same treatment. Was the sex worth it? I highly, highly doubt it. 8
Satu Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Avoid this guy like the plague. He is not a nice person. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Wow. You need to keep your distance from him. He's not a good guy. Somehow everyone knows you slept together? Gee, who do you think told them? He clearly did. He wanted to have sex in a friggin' parking lot. And asked to record you and take pictures of you. He wants bragging rights and be very glad you didn't consent to a film or pics or you can better your last dollar other men you work with would've seen them too. Yes, I think it's a safe bet he's just looking for sex. I'm sorry you're going through it. Word to the wise - do not indulge in any office gossip about him or the two of you. Don't respond to any questions people might ask. 2
candie13 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 when unsure about a how a guy feels about it, stop making any efforts. If he's interested he'll contact you. If not, he's out. If you initiate the contact, you'll never know the truth. sleeping with someone from work is always always a bad idea. men can completely dissociate between love and sex. Maybe your attractiveness intimidates him. Either way, you have no power over his reaction. You do have power over how you allow people to treat you. Basically, he treats you like sh*t and you keep calling him. That is rewarding bad behaviour. You should be rewarding good behaviour. In addition to that, he told practically everyone he was sleeping with you and wanted proves to make his story even more credible in front of your colleagues and bosses. Man, what a piece of dirt ! He got you because he is rejecting you and that gets to you. It's your ego. Sh*t happens to everyone, don't take it personally. It was good while it lasted. Lick your wounds and move on. You got played. 4
Art_Critic Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Looks and how hot you are have nothing to do with it, all he wanted to do was dip his noddle and get it wet.. he did that and now you are there wondering why... All he wanted was sex.. Time to pull the silent act and don't have sex with him again, the pictures and movies he wanted were going to be spread around at the office to his buddies.. you don't want this to go any further..
Amberbelle1 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Please please please, don't talk to him again! I have had a situation like this myself. Just because you are a beautiful lady doesn't mean that men should forget that underneath that beauty sits a woman who needs to be treated with respect, kindness and compassion! The fact he wants to have sex in a car park and take photos screams a male who just thinking about that. Way too early in the early stages of relationships to be suggesting such activities. Don't give him another chance to make you question his behaviour. Shout "next" now! X 1
evanescentworld Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 From this thread: ....I would say judge as you find him, if he'sweet and nice to you then judge him on that but be mindful of it. As with meeting any guy, you met him online so I'd say meet him in a public place and don't do anything you're not comfortable with I hate to say this Charlotte S, but really, you should have followed your own advice..... Caution, + Caution, and more caution after that..... Bless you, I really feel for your situation. Never, ever, EVER date anyone you work with. It always (or for the major part, invariably) ends "in tears". somehow, everyone knows we've been sleeping together. That was four days ago and I've heard nothing since. It's kind of disturbing as he's told me senior managers in the company have been asking pervy questions about what I'm like in bed, I notice people looking at me when I walk through his office now so we both kind of darent look at each other. Trust me, everything he's telling you about what others are saying about you - HE has initiated.
preraph Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Yes, he just wanted sex. He never asked you on a date. Not only does he think you're easy, he thought you were so easy you'd agree to being filmed having sex! Now by being impulsive and choosing this guy, you're in danger of everyone at work hearing about this and marking you down for it. I don't want to panic you, but it's entirely possible he already filmed you without your knowledge or took photos and has already passed them around everywhere. You need to do a google image search using a photo of yourself and see if you turn up on the internet. Don't be hooking up with work guys! If you're going to date one, at least make sure they date you without sex for some period of time to see who they are.
soyou Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Awwww, this is such a ****ed up. I hope that this very personal situation doesnt affect your work or how co-wokers view you. I do understand that you're attractive (most probably drop dead gorgeous) but that doesn mean any man will just fall in love with you. Reading your post, I have a feeling that there seemed to have a competition between this guy and other guys in your office and see who would nail you. This guy succedded and now he bragged about it to everyone. Everyone makes mistakes so learn from this mistake and move on. Dont be too hard on yourself. Please please go NC with this guy. He doesnt deserve to have a beautiful women like you ;-)
Zahara Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) Did he just want sex? Yes. It was just about the sex. Surely if he was more interested he wouldn't leave large silences between contact? I think there are a few more HUGE red flags that are indicative of his level of "interest". I'm surprised you can't see. I also find the car park sex and the sex tape odd requests so early into seeing a new person. That's because he views you as an object to use. He'd also suggested places we could have sex at work. Is he a just an ******* pervert? Pervert, user, arsehole, whatever. He's not a good person. Should I initiate contact? Now I want to shake you. Do not contact him. Stay away. Edited January 10, 2015 by Zahara
FitChick Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Start looking for another job. Lesson learned, I hope. There is an expression: Don't foul your own nest.
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Start looking for another job. Lesson learned, I hope. There is an expression: Don't foul your own nest. Or don't dip your pen into the company ink.
FitChick Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Or don't dip your pen into the company ink. Or don't crap where you eat. We could go on all day!
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