newlyborn Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 i am just wondering what to make of the communication style of this guy. i have noticed that he generally responds to my outreach much more quickly if it has an emotional component: a text or vm that says thinking of you, miss you, looking forward to seeing you, etc. if i say anything along these lines, he will respond in seconds. but, if i share something that is about what is going on with me, like something at work or an annoying errand that is frustrating me, he will take much longer to respond and sometimes won't even bring it up when we talk unless i do. now i am an anxious sort so this makes me feel that he is not really interested in the details of my life. alternately, he might just be absent-minded. alternately, he could just really like/need the emotional messages right now and so is more readily responsive to those. i don't know... i know it's a silly question, but i would really appreciate your thoughts.
almond Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 It's much easier to write "miss you too" or "thinking of you as well" than it is to think of and type up a reply to an issue that you're facing etc. He may be one of those people that prefers to have actual conversations over the phone or in real life...I know I'm definitely like that! I only text for simple and straightforward things...call or meet for everything else. 1
Gaeta Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Some people just suck at texting. I am seeing someone that is so weird and awkward on text and the most normal and enjoyable man in person. I don't understand his deal so I decided to let it slide when it comes to texting. 1
carhill Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 In general, this is pretty normal. People are instinctively preoccupied with their own milieu and that of others is generally invisible unless and until there is something relevant to that person which is wanted. Hence you might find this guy to become more interested in the humdrum of your daily life when he wants to get laid. Watch for that. Perfectly normal behavior. That said, with enough investment over time, there may come a point where his responses to your flattery garner the same volume and detail as those regarding your daily personal stuff. How or when that happens is unknown. What I've found, personally, is that every time I broached this subject of inattention and lack of empathy with a woman, they've disappeared, including the one I was married to. I guess that's normal under the circumstances so accept it as such. People do what they do. I'd prefer they be more authentic about it but that's outside of my control.
Redhead14 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 i am just wondering what to make of the communication style of this guy. i have noticed that he generally responds to my outreach much more quickly if it has an emotional component: a text or vm that says thinking of you, miss you, looking forward to seeing you, etc. if i say anything along these lines, he will respond in seconds. but, if i share something that is about what is going on with me, like something at work or an annoying errand that is frustrating me, he will take much longer to respond and sometimes won't even bring it up when we talk unless i do. now i am an anxious sort so this makes me feel that he is not really interested in the details of my life. alternately, he might just be absent-minded. alternately, he could just really like/need the emotional messages right now and so is more readily responsive to those. i don't know... i know it's a silly question, but i would really appreciate your thoughts. It depends on how long you've been dating. If it's early say only a couple of months, a guy doesn't want "drama". In other words, they don't really want to hear about all the details or minutia of your life at this point. He may listen, but doesn't feel the need to respond really. If he doesn't mention it later when you see him, that's likely the case. Early on, I wouldn't do much of that kind of thing and look for sympathy or support. It's too early to expect that. If you've been dating for 6 months of more and he isn't being supportive at least, I'd re-evaluate the situation. By that point, if he is truly moving toward a real relationship with you, you should expect a little more of that at least. For the first few months, keep the "whining" to a minimum He wants to know you are able to take care of yourself and not "depend" on him for that kind of thing. You can mention little things, just don't dwell or push him to respond. 1
Author newlyborn Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 It depends on how long you've been dating. If it's early say only a couple of months, a guy doesn't want "drama". In other words, they don't really want to hear about all the details or minutia of your life at this point. He may listen, but doesn't feel the need to respond really. If he doesn't mention it later when you see him, that's likely the case. Early on, I wouldn't do much of that kind of thing and look for sympathy or support. It's too early to expect that. If you've been dating for 6 months of more and he isn't being supportive at least, I'd re-evaluate the situation. By that point, if he is truly moving toward a real relationship with you, you should expect a little more of that at least. For the first few months, keep the "whining" to a minimum He wants to know you are able to take care of yourself and not "depend" on him for that kind of thing. You can mention little things, just don't dwell or push him to respond. thanks -- great advice! i don't usually go into depth, and often it is not whining. it can even be good news, or something neutral, like what i am doing at work. and he just won't comment... but, if i add something cutesy or flirty, he immediately responds. it's funny how we are always teaching people how to treat us. since it is early on (we are reconnecting after a long time), he is letting me know what the focus is for him for now. thanks again!
preraph Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I think you're right that he's really not interested in what you're doing except how it affects whether he keeps your warmed up enough to have sex. Hate to be blunt like that. On the other hand, why be sharing all that via text when you could be having a lot more fun doing it when you're together. If you share everything during text, anything you say when you're together is just going to be repetitious, so that's why I don't advise it, plus if a person is busy, too many inane texts can be annoying and seem ridiculous.
Author newlyborn Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 I think you're right that he's really not interested in what you're doing except how it affects whether he keeps your warmed up enough to have sex. Hate to be blunt like that. On the other hand, why be sharing all that via text when you could be having a lot more fun doing it when you're together. If you share everything during text, anything you say when you're together is just going to be repetitious, so that's why I don't advise it, plus if a person is busy, too many inane texts can be annoying and seem ridiculous. it is not a lot AT ALL! in fact, it is less than what he tells me. he whines and shares more than i do. but it has occurred enough for me to see a pattern. thanks for being blunt, by the way! 1
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