Kitkatleen24 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 So i met him on an online game almost a year ago, we are both 24 & lives in different state. I've yet to meet him (due to schedules) and he will be coming over next month to meet me for the first time. He seems to be the most amazing guy i've ever met. In the beginning i thought he was too good to be true. I'm his first girlfriend and he's a virgin but i do have some experiences. I've been hurt really badly by my exs in the past (cheating, physical & emotional abuse). So yesterday night i was typing his online game username into the yahoo search bar to go to his profile & i accidentally found something.. His username links to a few sex forums, webcam chat girl & etc.. I get it that guys watch porn & i'm ok with it. But what worries me is, he seems to join a few sex forums, i'm not sure if that is a red flag? He doesn't post anything there but his last seen was a few hours ago. Is there a difference between watching porn & joining sex forums? And also, he have never ever dirty talk to me or dis-respect me in any way. My ex was with me for sex & he knew how much it hurts me. Sometimes i wonder if he's attracted to me as i knew he's a fan of big booty while i'm white (i have a flat ass). I've asked him what did he liked about me & he said i shouldn't be insecure & he loves everything about me. I know i have trust issues (please don't flame me, i'm just really worried..) And he have been paying less attention to me nowadays, i'm also worried that he is losing interest in me. He still calls me everyday but the calls have become shorter & i see him using social media for awhile after he said he's going to sleep & my mind went wild thinking that he might be talking to some other girls. I basically have no life due to my past & only have him so i think i'm becoming overly needy. Is it normal for guys to use sex forums that often or am i over-reacting? Am i asking for too much attention due to my insecurities? I'm worried because we are meeting up real soon. Thank you in advance for the advice.
Charlotte S Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 He still calls you everyday, regardless of the exact length of the call... he calls! If he wasn't interested he wouldn't bother. I've never known about sex forums, perhaps he doesn't realise that that is in public view. A lot of guys watch porn though, I guess particularly so if he's not getting any. I would say judge as you find him, if he'sweet and nice to you then judge him on that but be mindful of it. As with meeting any guy, you met him online so I'd say meet him in a public place and don't do anything you're not comfortable with 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 He still calls you everyday, regardless of the exact length of the call... he calls! If he wasn't interested he wouldn't bother. I've never known about sex forums, perhaps he doesn't realise that that is in public view. A lot of guys watch porn though, I guess particularly so if he's not getting any. I would say judge as you find him, if he'sweet and nice to you then judge him on that but be mindful of it. As with meeting any guy, you met him online so I'd say meet him in a public place and don't do anything you're not comfortable with All of the above, especially the bolded. Where are you going to meet him? 1
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Have you actually met IRL? Until then, this is just a game. If you had closer proximity & were in an exclusive relationship, then you could have a discussion about his on line habits but until you meet power down, unless this is a deal breaker for you in which case just get out now. 1
elaine567 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I've been hurt really badly by my exs in the past (cheating, physical & emotional abuse). ...My ex was with me for sex & he knew how much it hurts me. And he have been paying less attention to me nowadays, i'm also worried that he is losing interest in me. Be very careful here, some abusive men deliberately target women who have been hurt, women who they see as victims and who they know they can control. In the beginning i thought he was too good to be true. - Lovebombing you at the start can fool you into seeing him as perfect. If he is paying you less attention, it may be a game to see how much you will tolerate. He may be just a straight forward guy, but your gut feeling is warning you here. Personally I would listen to your gut. Make sure you meet in public and he has a place to stay that is NOT with you. 2
regine_phalange Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Do you think that he could be using the sex forums to educate himself since he is inexperienced? And take everything about him with a punch of salt. Wait to meet him and see how he makes you feel. 4
Poppygoodwill Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 There is no 'normal', there's only what you are comfortable with, and uncomfortable with. Until you meet him in real life and spend time with him, you won't really have a sense of him. If you two are 'exclusive' and have talked about it, then you can bring up the sex forums as that would be considered crossing the boundary. if you are not exclusive, then it's really none of your business except to make a note of it and factor it in later, if you do begin a relationship IRL. 1
preraph Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 You won't be able to tell if he's a porn addict until you spend more time with him and see if he continues it. A little porn is one thing, but porn addiction can seriously mess with a relationship and your sex life. 1
aggie382 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 It sounds like you're going to be catfished. He can't be the most amazing guy you've ever met when you haven't actually met. 1
Author Kitkatleen24 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Hi everyone, thanks for the advice & sorry for the late replies as i was out for a business trip. He still calls you everyday, regardless of the exact length of the call... he calls! If he wasn't interested he wouldn't bother. I've never known about sex forums, perhaps he doesn't realise that that is in public view. A lot of guys watch porn though, I guess particularly so if he's not getting any. I would say judge as you find him, if he'sweet and nice to you then judge him on that but be mindful of it. As with meeting any guy, you met him online so I'd say meet him in a public place and don't do anything you're not comfortable with I guess it's true that he still cares, prolly he needs his space. I don't understand about sex forums as well but i knew that watching porn is normal for a guy, i'm not against it. All of the above, especially the bolded. Where are you going to meet him? I'm meeting him at a public place in a cafe at the mall so don't worry Have you actually met IRL? Until then, this is just a game. If you had closer proximity & were in an exclusive relationship, then you could have a discussion about his on line habits but until you meet power down, unless this is a deal breaker for you in which case just get out now. No but we are meeting next month. We are exclusive. It's not a deal breaker i suppose but i just don't understand. Don't guys just settle it with porn? P.s if this helps, we had a conversation regarding this last night before my flight, he told me that porn is downright disgusting & looking at sexy pictures online are also a form of "porn". Is that the same? Be very careful here, some abusive men deliberately target women who have been hurt, women who they see as victims and who they know they can control. In the beginning i thought he was too good to be true. - Lovebombing you at the start can fool you into seeing him as perfect. If he is paying you less attention, it may be a game to see how much you will tolerate. He may be just a straight forward guy, but your gut feeling is warning you here. Personally I would listen to your gut. Make sure you meet in public and he has a place to stay that is NOT with you. I get it but he have been really respectful & tolerating alot of my nonsense, we have already been dating for almost a year & he doesn't control anything i do, in fact i'm the jealous/insecure/controlling one. I guess he isn't paying less attention as he calls me everyday, it's my insecurities playing on my mind. What i meant by too good to be true is, i've been in many abusive r/s, i've been treated so badly & 'got used to it'. Sometimes i think i don't deserve to be loved by anyone. He's the first guy who respects me & treats me the way i deserve to be treated that's why i didn't believe it at first as i assumed that all guys are ****ty. Do you think that he could be using the sex forums to educate himself since he is inexperienced? And take everything about him with a punch of salt. Wait to meet him and see how he makes you feel. He seems confident despite lack of experience but it's possible. I didn't thought of that so thank you! Do you think it's because he hates porn (he said it's too fake) and he's there to look for pictures? I could see what he last viewed (i didn't snoop on purpose), he was looking at the pictures & reading stories but didn't post anything. He's probably researching sex! I guess i'm over-reacting! There is no 'normal', there's only what you are comfortable with, and uncomfortable with. Until you meet him in real life and spend time with him, you won't really have a sense of him. If you two are 'exclusive' and have talked about it, then you can bring up the sex forums as that would be considered crossing the boundary. if you are not exclusive, then it's really none of your business except to make a note of it and factor it in later, if you do begin a relationship IRL. We are exclusive but i don't think i'll bring up the sex forums issue with him as i feel it's his privacy & he wouldn't want me to find out about it. I'm fine with him watching porn, i'm just curious what's the difference between sex forums and watching porn but as long as he don't interact with those, i guess it's counted as porn too? I have no idea... You won't be able to tell if he's a porn addict until you spend more time with him and see if he continues it. A little porn is one thing, but porn addiction can seriously mess with a relationship and your sex life. How do you define a porn addiction? Date locally..... hahaha i tried but failed It sounds like you're going to be catfished. He can't be the most amazing guy you've ever met when you haven't actually met. It's not entirely impossible that he's a catfish, i felt he's the most amazing guy because i've been treated badly in the past. It's just exaggerating!
Omei Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) Speaking as someone who's last relationship was 5 years of long distance it takes SO MUCH TRUST and my relationship had 100% trust and it still didn't work out, there is so much more efforts that need to be put into a long distance relationship if you're having these doubts now I can tell you its going to effect everything you cannot ever be in a LDR and worry about if your guy is speaking to other girls because if he was there would be nothing you could do about it. And that's just the tip of the ice berg of what LDR is, its a normal relationship but think of having to put in 5x more effort than you would a normal in person one, you will have many hurdles to climb over as a couple that a normal relationship would never have, soon calls won't be enough, and soon you will feel the financial stress it takes to be a couple, and there's much more. You ready for that? Is he? You have too many worries/issues to go into this I agree with another poster when they said to date locally. Edited January 12, 2015 by Omei
Yookie Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 You can't be 100% sure that HE is the one using that user name on the sex forums. Meet him in person and go from there. You can ask him about it if you decide to continue dating after meeting.
Pinkdisney Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 It sounds like you're going to be catfished. He can't be the most amazing guy you've ever met when you haven't actually met. I have to agree with this, everyone is perfect until you meet someone f/f. Meet first and see what's up...
Recommended Posts