AVarma Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Harder? Easier? How does it change as you leave your 20's and enter your 30's and 40's?
paigej91 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Honestly, it went from meeting potential mates in-person to meeting them online. Not always, but it's certainly true that now my options are much, much more limited in-person. I almost exclusively rely on friends of friends, but that pool is so small that online dating is basically a necessity. I'm a 20-something by the way, so I can't speak for 30s and 40s.
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Harder? Easier? How does it change as you leave your 20's and enter your 30's and 40's? 20s are ridiculously hard. Everybody is single and everybody is going out to look for women, and it becomes a competition of immense proportions. On top of that, everybody in their 20s is still into some kind of scene, so you have to be 'cool'. The bar/club scene were brutal. Trying to fit into an urban yuppie/hipster/trash scene is brutal. Early to mid 30s is better, but still some of the same BS as when in your 20s. Money now makes a difference. In your late 30s to early 40s, most of the social scene BS will disappear, but now the pool is majorly, majorly shallowed out and most people have kids. Of course, looks still always control, but the kind of rejection and blow offs I had to put up with in my 20s was horrendous. At least now, rejection happens mostly in a vacuum.
Author AVarma Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 In your late 30s to early 40s, most of the social scene BS will disappear, but now the pool is majorly, majorly shallowed out and most people have kids. . I don't see why people are so against dating single moms. Some of the most beautiful women I know are single moms!
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I don't see why people are so against dating single moms. Some of the most beautiful women I know are single moms! I have dated a single mom. But you must remember, people usually do not have just one kid. And trying to date a person who has 2, 3, maybe 4 children can be a bit overwhelming. It's a different type of thing from your 20s for sure. And then long term, thinking of potentially taking on those kids. There's imagining how things will play out and then there's reality.
A O Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Harder? Easier? How does it change as you leave your 20's and enter your 30's and 40's? College is a somewhat captured audience, dating, much like anything outside of college is harder. Also, dating won't alter much for attractive people or smart, witty, interesting and driven folk as they age.
shet Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I went to college in my late twenties/early thirties. While I was there I found it amazing for dating. Since then I've actually just found a new lease on life and socialising and used the lessons I learned there to make circumstances work better for myself. I'd say my prospects are better post-college. The women there were too busy, too career focused, too cliquey, and too much younger than myself to actually make it work.
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 In college & grad school it was very easy to meet new people & they came with something in common that was already "built in". It was also possible to get to know them more gradually -- you saw them in class, around campus & at the same parties. IRL people have more choices & have fewer entertainment routines. It was also tougher IRL because I had more responsibilities. Blowing off a class to lazy around with my new SO was an option; you can't very well blow off work.
Author AVarma Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 In college & grad school it was very easy to meet new people & they came with something in common that was already "built in". It was also possible to get to know them more gradually -- you saw them in class, around campus & at the same parties. IRL people have more choices & have fewer entertainment routines. It was also tougher IRL because I had more responsibilities. Blowing off a class to lazy around with my new SO was an option; you can't very well blow off work. Damn... Do you still manage to have fun though? Or does dating start to feel like a second job? I ask because that's how it's starting to feel for me, like another job or chore.
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Damn... Do you still manage to have fun though? Or does dating start to feel like a second job? I ask because that's how it's starting to feel for me, like another job or chore. It never felt like a job but I was rarely single for long. When I got out of college, I dated the accountant for the bar I tended. When we broke up I dated a guy from grad school. When we broke up, I dated another guy I met in grad school. When we broke up I actually dated somebody I had gone to HS with but didn't know back then. When we broke up I took some time off then implemented the strategy to meet somebody to settle down with. I was in my late 30s, never married, no kids. Some people would say that was a red flag. I knew there were no eligible single men who I deemed datable in my current circle so I had to change what I was doing. I read a few pop psychology books. I went on OLD, which I didn't care for. One of the books that spoke to me was Guerrilla Dating, borrowed from Guerrilla Marketing, doing a variety of innovative but low cost things to get your name out there. It did recommend treating your search for love like a job search. I committed to attending one social function per week in an effort to meet new people. I did a variety of different things: MeetUp groups, singles events, happy hours, volunteering, sports, friends' parties, agreeing to be fixed up, etc. Simultaneously I was marketing the small business I had just started & eventually met the man who became my husband at a business networking function. I didn't see it as a burden but an adventure. 1
Author AVarma Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 Some people would say that was a red flag. Like my virginity? Lol. Sorry, bad attempt at humor. I must say though that I like your attitude. For some reason I would've imagined that a late 30's woman would get bitter about being single, but you seemed to have had fun! That's pretty awesome. I'll check out the book, Guerilla Dating that you recommended.
Jules Dash Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Hands down my best dating has only become better over the years and it is currently at its best as far as actually dating, having fun dates, the variety and quality of women I date. But I put a lot of work into my personal life over the years outside of dating so I could have my life continuously improve including in the area of dating. I am in my early 40s and enjoying life much more than I did in college. Of course, college was fun and carefree but not as fun as it is now.
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I'm kind of taken aback about how men these days are having a difficult time dating in college, when that venue has a MAJOR pool of women back-to-back. And when you are done with college....you can say good-bye to ALL of that as your dating pool shrinks down to the size of a pea.
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) Like my virginity? Lol. Sorry, bad attempt at humor. I must say though that I like your attitude. For some reason I would've imagined that a late 30's woman would get bitter about being single, but you seemed to have had fun! That's pretty awesome. I'll check out the book, Guerilla Dating that you recommended. A dear friend of mine was also single when I was. She too had had a series of LTRs throughout our lives but nothing turned into forever. She was very bitter & jaded. She also had impossible standards -- millionaire, well traveled, great body etc. We have lost touch in part because I met & married my husband while she is increasingly miserable. When I was dating him, she would often tell me to break up with him because he doesn't make enough money. Granted since we have been married he has earned his degree and now makes more than twice what he did then but in my place she would have been unwilling to even take a chance. Whatever your situation is, you have to make the most out of what you have. Edited January 10, 2015 by d0nnivain
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I'm kind of taken aback about how men these days are having a difficult time dating in college, when that venue has a MAJOR pool of women back-to-back. And when you are done with college....you can say good-bye to ALL of that as your dating pool shrinks down to the size of a pea. College is beneficial for men, because it places the entire pool in front of your face with no pressure (at least if you live in the dorms and go to a non commuter school). Women are mostly as picky and the vast majority of women will not like most men, but are still willing to be wild. In college, the hot guys can hook up with a ridiculous amount of women. But that is another thread. However, for guys lower on the totem, it can really work out to their advantage. My supervisor's son is a nerdy guy. He interned with us. Bad hair, bad glasses, bad skin. Gawky posture. But he has a girlfriend that he met through college. I haven't seen what she looks like but that doesn't matter. If you're a guy who can get a woman at your level, that's decent. So, college helped him find that woman. If he was in his 20s and had to go through OLD, bars, meetups, work, friends of friends to find that woman, it would have been much more difficult.
GoodOnPaper Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Harder? Easier? How does it change as you leave your 20's and enter your 30's and 40's? My only post-college experience was in grad school, which was like half a step into the real world. BIG difference from college, where my senior year was the one time in my life when I felt comfortable in my own skin when it came to dating. In grad school, the few single women in my nerdy scientist social circle were hell-bent on finding "opposites-attract" relationships. I did meet my wife -- who was not in that social circle -- but by that time, the process felt more like bailing out of a sinking ship. In retrospect, I should have been more patient with myself and waited until after I had started my career. I think there are pros and cons with every stage of life. In a school environment, you have a large number of people you can meet at any time but you life revolves around how good you are socially -- very frustrating if you are the kind of guy who struggles with women. In the real world, you are on your own to find people to meet but you can keep yourself busy with more worthwhile things -- career, hobbies, etc. -- so you don't have to constantly think about the lack of a girlfriend or dating prospects. If when I was single I had 1/10 of the hobby and work interests that I have now, I would have had a much better perspective about being single.
Author AVarma Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 A dear friend of mine was also single when I was. She too had had a series of LTRs throughout our lives but nothing turned into forever. She was very bitter & jaded. She also had impossible standards -- millionaire, well traveled, great body etc. We have lost touch in part because I met & married my husband while she is increasingly miserable. When I was dating him, she would often tell me to break up with him because he doesn't make enough money. Granted since we have been married he has earned his degree and now makes more than twice what he did then but in my place she would have been unwilling to even take a chance. Whatever your situation is, you have to make the most out of what you have. Are you sure she doesn't have psychological or psychiatric problems? I understand wanting somebody good looking or at least not obese but a millionaire who looks like a model? I mean she wants somebody from a magazine. She sounds a bit delusional.
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Are you sure she doesn't have psychological or psychiatric problems? I understand wanting somebody good looking or at least not obese but a millionaire who looks like a model? I mean she wants somebody from a magazine. She sounds a bit delusional. She's very beautiful & makes a good living. She has a wide variety of interests & has dated this type before. I hate this phrase, but such a man is in her "league" if you will. The problem is she wants "perfect" & even when she gets close, she still nitpicks & finds fault. It has made her miserable over the years but you can't tell somebody that. My advice stands, you have to make the most of what you have.
Recommended Posts